A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
2006-08-15 02:57:35 · 24 answers · asked by Jasmine B 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
~ha ha-those were great; heres some for you:
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
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Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
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Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
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Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
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Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
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Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
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Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
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Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
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Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
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Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
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Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
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Q: What does a blonde and a computer have in common?
A: You never really appreciate them until they go down on you.
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Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
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Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
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Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
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Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
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Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
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Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
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Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
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Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
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Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
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Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
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Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
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Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
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Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
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Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
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Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces herself.
A2: Walks home.
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Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
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Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
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Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
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Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
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Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
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Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
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Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
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Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
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Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
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Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
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Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
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Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
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Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
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Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
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Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
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Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
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Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
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Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
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Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
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Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
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Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
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Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
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Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
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Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.
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Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
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Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
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Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
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Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
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Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
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Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
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Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
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Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
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Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
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Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
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Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
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Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
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Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician
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Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunets can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
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Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A labrador.
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Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
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Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
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A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" She turned around and drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
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How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
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A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
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A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
2006-08-15 03:06:43 · answer #1 · answered by hlpz76 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
OK ha ha hahahhaaaa i 'm still laughing i 'll tell u a joke
there was stupid man he was doing an experiment on a frog
he cut off the first leg of the frog and told the frog to jump and the frog jumped
he cut off the second leg of the frog and asked it to jump and the frog jumped
he cut off the third leg of the frog and asked it to jump and the frog jumped
he cut off the last leg of the frog and asked him to jump but the frog didn't jump
the stupid man wrote a note "the experiments proved that if we cut off the four legs of the frog it will be deaf
2006-08-16 06:30:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice jokes! Even a blonde can appreciate them! But really, she should have called. Would have saved them the cab fare!
2006-08-15 10:38:36 · answer #3 · answered by joesdreamgirl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a blond!!! and i usually get offended by blond jokes! but these were different they really made me laugh. those weren't as cruel and offensive as most of the jokes!!!!!!! the second one was awsome because it not only offended blondes it offended burnettes and reds too. I love you!!!!!! (no i'm not a lesbo) i say that to everyone!!!
2006-08-15 10:31:30 · answer #4 · answered by Fishlova 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha I have never heard the last one before that ones hilarous
2006-08-15 10:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by Zan k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG lmao lol wicked funny
2006-08-15 10:18:29 · answer #6 · answered by hello my name is stephanie<3 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cute- made me chuckle a little. I haven't heard those two yet.
Well done
2006-08-15 10:04:16 · answer #7 · answered by Renee25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i liked the 1st one; heard the 2nd before
2006-08-15 10:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by tinkerbell 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First one is a real lol.. the second kinda old..
2006-08-15 10:11:48 · answer #9 · answered by Cool Z 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, indeed! LOL. LOL. LOL.
Thank you for the laughter.
Have a great day!
2006-08-15 10:32:51 · answer #10 · answered by jfmm 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋