I'm plotting a war for territory against the desk opposite me. I need men, weapons and a strategy please

Answer 1

I am available to assist in any way I can. I can bring staple guns, rulers, elastic bands and some pencil sharpeners

I have no strategy, just all out attack

Oh, and just found some weapons grade plutonium lying about too, if you need me to bring it, bit extreme, but just in case we come under heavy counter attack and need a quick solution

Answer 2

You don't have to attack just make sure that everybody else in your office is on your side that way no matter how bad you are people will side with you. Basically use the Democrats as a model. Figure out a way to have everyone in your office dependent on you for something they need then tell them that your opponent does not care about them, regardless if it is true or not, and get them to side with you.

Now once your opponent tries to defend themselves just tell everyone that they are just rich and don't care about anyone else in the office, even though you yourself are not doing anything for them either, but at least you are the first person to voice an empty opinion about their situation.

Oh yeah, if you can somehow work race into it that works great to.

Once you accomplished these, you need to involve the media, getting them on your side will only help spread your opinion and help defame your enemy.

Ok now, take a poll everyday and no matter what the poll says follow it. You should never actually hold a position a stick by it, that's just silly, just keep changing your mind to please the group because they will help you win.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Enlist tech support to mess with the enemy's computer. Then, while he's wasting a tremendous amount of time on the phone with them trying to get the computer set to rights, you advance. Slowly, so they don't realize they're losing ground until it's too late.

By the time they wise up, you've annexed a good chunk of their territory. And they're still dead in the water because Tech Support (or the Helpless Desk, as I like to call them) hasn't yet fixed their problem.

You may need backup paperclip launchers, but this is more like a bloodless coup.

Answer 4

I have a really heavy hole punch that would cause some damage and a staple remover which could really pinch the skin, Have you tried diplomacy or is just all out declare war and steam in. I finish at 6pm will you have started by then and I am out of the office tomorrow morning but i will be back around lunchtime if you need re-enforcing.

Answer 5

try to forge an alliance with the other desks surrounding him. If they don't go for that bargain a non attack treaty. As for weapons you can''t go wrong with paper clips and rubber bands. Or open up a Pen and use the inner tube as a blowgun for sharpened pencil stubs. But nothing beats hitting him over the head with an iron ruler. If you really feel you can't handle one man I am for hire at a reasonable price!!!

Answer 6

Ahh, the REAL war issue of the day! I'm all for a chemical attack (sod the Geneva Convention!). When your colleague, sorry, victim is away from the desk, slip liquid laxitives in to his/her coffee (coffee's better than tea as it's more bitter and will hide the taste more effectively). A couple of days of this and your victim will probably end up seeing a doctor, thus leaving you free to colonise!

Victory to the insidious!

Answer 7

will there be any black ops in this war. If so, when they go to lunch mess with everything on their desk. Tape down the phone, remove all their pens to a different drawer, unplug their mouse, etc. That's the best way to go. Then for the war itself I would head to the printer or fax room and grab as much junk paper as possible and start wadding it up. Good luck.

Answer 8

It's important to control the high ground. You might want to launch your attack from over the cubicle divider. That's a difficult position for your opponent to defend.

You might also want to maintain your armaments in a neighbor's desk, rather than out in the open at your desk. Your opponent will be less likely to retaliate out of fear of negative public opinion from the rest of the office.

Have you got a battle cry, yet?

Answer 9

notwithstanding if we did win, humanity would lose in a unmarried era. enable's say that adult males have 2 STR, and ladies persons have a million. If each and every guy served, yet women persons did no longer, than our military would be 50% much less sturdy as a protection rigidity that did hire the two sexes.

Answer 10

Establish a neutral zone and then get a third party to monitor it (office junior is best).

Apply pressure to third party (blackmail or bribery) to occupy neutral zone.

If there is any retaliation. ALL OUT ATTACK but hold your ground at all costs.

P.S. BluTak makes a great border and Post-it notes are good for highlighting disputed territories.