My father in law passed away last month and my husband has been so upset about it. The problem is, he is mgr. at work and has been snapping at his employees. He is even being rude and snappy with me. I have never in 5 years seen him be such an asshole. Is this normal behavior when greiving? I have never lost a parent so I dont know what he's going through and I don't want to tell him how to feel. I just want my sweet husband back. Is he ever gonna get back on track?
2006-08-15 02:01:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, I have got some good advice, thank you. As for the person that wanted to make me feel worse with their answer, and you know who you are, don't judge me and assume I am being a *****. I don't need to be criticized just for trying to help my husband get his life back together. I am doing what I can. Thanks everyone.
2006-08-15 02:33:31 · update #1
yah, it happens...when my grandparents died, my mom was really unbearable...she would shout at everybody, quiet sometimes, then smile a little...she's pretty unpredictable. sometimes she would just cry...we were all worried about her. but though we can't really weigh the pain that she feels, we understand what she's going through.
my advise to you is, give him time...he'll soon be back to his normal self. since it's only been a month, & he & his dad might be super close when his dad's alive...so it really must hurt him a lot to lose him. you just need to be more patient around him for a couple of months...it would help as well if he's employees give him time too. as a wife, just always be there for him for emotional support. he'll soon be able to accept his loss & move on. good luck!
2006-08-15 02:31:43 · answer #1 · answered by kevkatz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a great marriage... Try to get him at a time where he is somewhat relaxed (not going to work or tired from long day) and try talking to him. He may only need a wake up call.
Don't be accusatory... approach it with more of a "I feel this way when you do this..." style. Although telling him outright he is being an asshole may work too if you have a good relationship.
Ask him what he is feeling... Did he get to say good-bye? Did his Dad ever say he was proud of him? Is he mourning a relationship lost, or a relationship that never was? When it comes to relationships with our parents we always feel like a child, even when we are in our 50s. It can be difficult to move on when the person we need to resolve things with is no longer with us. Don't tell him his feelings are wrong (they never are), but help him deal with them in a better way.
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2006-08-15 02:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This can be a normal part of grieving, sure. Can you talk to him about it? If so, then I would suggest grief counseling to him. If you feel your talking like that would just make him flare up at you, then give it some time and try to be patient. I would not let it go on more than a few weeks, though. You should see him starting to return to normal by then.
2006-08-15 02:08:33 · answer #3 · answered by Okkieneko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither me or my brothers went thru that when we lost our dad. Actually, I don't think I know anyone who became a jerk when losing a parent.
On the other hand, this just happened a month ago, and he's probably still grieving. Especially if he doesn't know how to grieve in any other way.
2006-08-15 02:10:04 · answer #4 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People grieve differently. Tell him you would like to go see a counselor, together. If he asks you why, tell him that YOU are having problems getting over the death in the family. Use your kids as an excuse if you have any. Just don't get confrontational about it. It could be a counselor, the reverend at your church, anybody.
2006-08-15 02:07:50 · answer #5 · answered by cirestan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is going through a known pattern of behavior while grieving; he needs time to grieve and heal. Hopefully, his employees will understand that, but he needs to go through the process and come out on the other side, or he will be stuck like that.
Offer your support, but allow him space if he's being a jerk.
2006-08-15 02:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he'll get back on track, but he has to have his own time to do it. Everyone grieves in a different way. If he takes longer than 4-6 months to get back to his old sweet self, then he may need proper counceling.
2006-08-15 02:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by kindofkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I'm not married, but I think this is the time u should give him more love n attention. Help to lighten his burden as a family headmaster. N I think in time he'll surely realise he still have u, then he'll certainly come back to u. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine.
2006-08-15 02:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by bong tze yong 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really hard on him Im sure. My brother parished @ 49.Its very hard to cope with.It will take time.Try talking to him calmly when you both have some quiet time.Be there for him.Ask him to be nicer to you by not taking it out on you.Tell him that you share his pain & feel bad that this has happened.My brother has been gone 4 years now & we are just now maybe coming out of the shock.
2006-08-15 02:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
anger is one of the steps in the grieving process just keep an eye on him that he doesn't stay stuck,through the years men have been conditioned to not show emotion so they sometimes succumb to anger...witch can sometimes lead to rage,my suggestion to you is surf the web about grieving process and read up on it to help his process along its quite natural for him to lash out at you you're the closest to him,but it may affect his job read up on it you wont be sorry...good luck and my condolences
2006-08-15 02:11:04 · answer #10 · answered by angelina_mcardle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋