She's been married for nearly a year now (to the ugliest dude that I didn't know from before) and has a little baby girl, whom I adore and I go there once a month or so to enjoy her conversation and friendship.
The other day I was visiting and I went to drop off a gift and see her for a while and her husband was downloading things from the computer, and I asked him if he wont mind downloading some program I need but costs a lot of money...
Then, I sat next to him (about a foot away) on another chair while my friend was changing the baby and I was chatting to her hubby about the program - so after about 20 minutes I went back to the lounge (to her)
I left about ten minutes later... It was quite late!
The next day she sends me a snotty text saying that next time I should just tell her if I want to come and visit her, or her husband??
I didn't reply but I don't know what to say? Should I confront her?
2006-08-15 01:44:56 · 36 answers · asked by Chellie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It sounds like there are some problems in her marriage & you were on the receiving end of some rather accusatory remarks. If it was me, I'd first decide if the relationship with my friend was worth the time and effort to maintain. If it was, I'd wait until I was completely *calm* & then I'd try to talk to her about the problem. See if you can get her to open up & talk to you, and if she will, then you two should be able to re-connect on a more trusting level & she might find that talking to you would help put things in perspective.
2006-08-15 01:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by Shadow 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not a female but who knows what your friends husband has said or done to make your friend say those things!
It is possible that they are having problem in their relationship and she has become jealous over something that never happened, either way you need to talk to her alone away from the husband and you need to let her know that you have no want for her husband due to the fact that you are a very good friend to her or you can say because he is butt ugly but she may not like that.
Whatever you do don't leave this to get worse by not doing or saying anything. If she is a true friend she will give you the chance to explain yourself an maybe you could ask her in the future when you need something from the internet that way she can get it done for you, it might also help her to interact with her husband more too seeing she will have to work with him to get onto the internet.
2006-08-15 01:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by jackocomp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her on the phone, don't send her an email: it will seem more genuine.
Just tell her (no confrontation) that you're sorry if she felt that way, but that you only talked to him because he is her husband, and you want to be friendly with him as well. What's more, he was downloading things for you, so it seemed the proper thing to do. And you did it naturally. She was taking care of the baby, so it seemed like a good time to go and talk to him (it's polite to talk to a friend's husband).
As the others said, she might be tired because of her pregnancy and because she is taking care of the baby. Maybe she hasn't realy had "quality" time withher husband, so she is afraid he might want to see other girls. Don't mention it, though!
2006-08-15 02:13:17 · answer #3 · answered by Offkey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you've obviously overstepped your boundaries here. Visiting married couples (these two sound recently married) is a challenge for you to know how to distribute time among the people in the house to avoid ANY missconceptions. Keep in mind who you should spend more time with, and devote time accordingly. Being most of the time with her husband while at her house can be missconstrued, so next time avoid doing it.
Explain to your friend what you were doing and why it took you long to talk to your husband. Explain to her that you needed the program but that of course you went to see her.
2006-08-15 02:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by Kookoo Bananas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would confront her, and remain calm as it seems that she's rather flustered about something. Ask her why she's upset. And explain to her what you were talking to her husband about and why.
If she for some reason doesn't believe you- give her space and time. She might be letting her anger or frustration from something else boil over to your situation.
With a new baby in the house, I imagine she might feel needful of attention or care, because most people give all of the attention to the new baby, and not very much to the new mommy.
Blessings To You & Yours
2006-08-15 02:46:35 · answer #5 · answered by Pastors Wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an example of what happens when a friend gets married and has a friend who is single. Any contact you make with her husband is going to be treated as suspect if she is jealous. It may be nothing you did but something her husband said about you spending time with him no matter how innocent.
I would just tell her that you have no intrest in him you just want to be friends with her. It would be okay to tell her firmly that you really don't appreciate the inferance. Than forgive and forget.
2006-08-15 01:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by Kenneth H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shoulhd talk to her. Make sure she understands what you were doing (chatting about software. her hubby was helping you and that was it.)
She may be feeling more insecure than usual with a new baby around - she's tired, probably doesn't have the time to keep up with the hair/makeup/nails routine like she did pre-baby (not that I'm saying she let herself go, it's just that she doesn't have the time for herself like she used to!), she doesn't have the alone time with her husband like she did pre-baby (again, not that they don't have it, but it's not like they used to have) and she may be insecure that her body's changed somehow and that she isn't as attractive to her husband as she used to be.
Being a new mom requires a whole new adjustment period, and she may have felt a little threatened....
If it were me, I would call her, apologize for ignoring her, explain the software thing and apologize again. She should come around. Good luck!
2006-08-15 02:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't confront her. It will not be good for the long term strength of your friendship. She obviously was jeolous about losing the time that is normally spent with just you and her / and you showing her husband attention.
A lot of women are super insecure about thier boyfriends or husbands talking to other women. Seems silly to most of us, but.... the truth is people get jeolous over some stupid stuff.
Next time you are over there - make sure the focus is on her and the baby and not on her husbands ability to download software and I am sure things will get back to normal.
It could just be that she had PMS and was looking for somewhere to download.
2006-08-15 01:51:20 · answer #8 · answered by Night Train 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is not normal behavior I would let it slide (but file it away). If your friend starts giving you more indications that she isn't pleased by your company then it will be the time to confront her. Since you have been friends for a long time you owe her a second chance and benefit of the doubt. She maybe just having a bad day.
2006-08-15 01:50:15 · answer #9 · answered by Fenris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your friend was out of line there. But if she has a new baby, she might be fatigued, suffering from lack of sleep, feeling trapped at home, etc.
Instead of confronting her, I suggest you apologize for not paying more attention to her, but you just got distracted by the program. Ask her if you can take her out to lunch or something - just the two of you (and the baby, of course).
2006-08-15 01:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋