any advice please i have a 16 month old boy who insists on screaching to get attention?

Question

any ideas on how to stop him b4 i lose my sanity

Answer 1

You really only have two options....

1.) You can screech back at him and show him how he sounds. (I don't like this one 'cause its just extra noise).

2.) You can ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good behaviour. When he's finished screaming tell him that you don't like when he does it and that you won't answer to it. It sounds crazy to talk to a toddler like that, but I found that explaining things to my daughter in very simple straight forward terms usually helps. But only when she's not upset.

Answer 2

Yes. You need to use a conditioning method known as extinction. More commonly, it is known as time out (sort of....most time out people are doing it wrong). What you need to do is create a time out room. This is a rooms with a door (must have a door) where you have removed everything from it completely. It can have a window and light, but no furnishings of any kind, toys, tv, etc. Just 4 walls and the door and no stimulus of any kind.

Now, any time the child does something you don't want him doing, walk over to him and very calmly and gently tell him no-no. Then pick him up and place him in the time out room for 1 minute per year old he is. After his time is up, let him out and don't mention anything about it again. Do this every time he repeats the incident.

For tantrums, he gets left in there until he stops tantruming plus his normal time out time. He's 16 months old so, you let him out 1 minute after the tantrum stops. And put him back in if he starts up again.

This works for even the most hard core behaviors by putting the child in a situation where there is no point doing whatever it was he was doing. In this case, he wants your attention, so he screaches. But, what he gets is 1 minute where no one pays attention to him. Since his strategy for the attention fails, he will be less likely to use it the next time he wants attention.

For best effect, give him a competing strategy that you like, that works. For example, if he says some form of daddy, like Da and/or points at you, whatever, go pay attention to him. Every time he does that and it works for getting your attention, he is more and more likely to replace the screaching with the new way of getting your attention.

You always try to ferret out what the kid is trying to do with his behavior. Try to pair up the positive reinforcement of a good behavior with the extinction of a bad behavior, that both have the same goal. Never lose your cool, argue, explain, capitulate, bribe or other inappropriate methods of trying to get the kid to do what you want.

Answer 3

Ignore him very visibly, make sure he notices. When he calms down give him a toy to play with and tell him a story about a wee boy who had to learn a hard lesson - that his mummy couldn't hear loud noises, trumpeting elephants, brass bands etc and her wee boy had to stop screaming because she couldn't hear him and didn't realise he was making the noise. Exaggerate it as much as possible and repeat with each tantrum, start talking in a much quieter voice and get everyone else in the household to do the same. If he thinks you can't hear him and you mime that you can't he will gradually stop doing it. Nothings a quick fix with children at this age but it doesn't need to last until they're 4 or 3 or 2. Nip it in the bud now and you shouldn't have quite so many problems later.

Answer 4

At some point he must have learned that it works, so you have to convince him that it doesn't. Try talking softer and softer when he is screeching so that he can't hear unless he stops, be sure to use words that will make him curious about what you are saying, "blah blah blah airplane blah blah". The other thing is to use 1,2,3 where you say, "Stop yelling. 1,2,3" If they don't stop yelling (or whatever you are trying to get them to do or not do), you send them to their room (first few times I had to carry my daughter - kicking and screaming). It doesn't matter what they do in there, but they must stay 1 minute per year of age. Then they come out and you pretend it never happened. If the behavior continues you do it again. The hardest part of this is that the first couple of days are NOT FUN, because he won;t be sure what you mean by 1,2,3 and the hardest part for me was to NEVER raise your voice and to pretend nothing had happened. I will have to say tho I was amazed how quickly this worked with my "Un-disciplinable" daughter! It has been the only thing to consistently work - Unfortunately I'm not consistent enough....

Answer 5

My son was the same. There is a fix but its not a quick one. You must ignore him when he is screeching. Step over him, walk round him, talk over him...completely pretend he is not there. However, the key to this working is this- when he is not screeching give him lots of attention and praise. He will learn that by not screeching, he gets more attention. Try not to use the time out method. That is more like a punishment, when all you have to do is teach him. Stick with it n dont give up. I know its hard but its worth it and you will see a difference within a week or two. Good Luck

Answer 6

When he starts, get down to his level, hold his hand so he can't run away, look I'm in the eyes and talk to him in a calm but firm voice and say, Mum/dad won't speak to you unless you stop screaming, let him go and completely ignore him, when he does stop say to him in a calm quite voice, now you've stopped screaming I'll speak to you, see to his needs and then say, Thank-you for not screaming, If he does this with other family members tell them your strategies and ask them to do the same, don't use different ways at the same time as this will confuse him . when he is not screaming you could play whispering games or read a story in a quiet voice so he gets used to being quiet.
Childcare manager 30+ yrs exp, you have to be strong, It won't happen overnite and could get worse before it gets better, but don't give up and if you do it then the other parent should also do it. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Flat & outright ignore him. When he screeches to get attention, walk away, leave him and do something else. Read a magazine, make yourself an espresso, anything, but don't look at him and pay him absolutely no physical contact or attention in any form.

If his screech changes to something quieter, then pay attention to him, but if he screeches again, put him down and walk off. He will very quickly get the message that if he is quiet, i.e not screeching, he will get attention, but when he screeches, he gets nada!

This should get the message into his baby brain that quiet is better than loud, and will get him what he wants quicker than screaming like heck will!

Answer 8

You should probably get used to it and don't expect miracles. At that age (even at 3) screeching is still the fallback way of communicating, held over from being a baby. The boy learned that he can get your attention by screeching. try not to react much to screeching, but unstead, give lots of attention and praise when he is behaving more pleaasantly. Again, I know it is frustrating (my first son screamed and cried mre than most children for his first two years or so), but patience and understanding will go a long way in the end. reacting strongly to his screeching, even a negative reaction, only encourages the behavior which at 1.5 years of age is relatively normal. good luck.

Answer 9

Totally ignore him when he does this. Dont even look at him. Infact pick him up and put him in another room and walk away. Keep doing this and be consistant dont sometimes do it. He will eventually stop. When he stops screaming go up to him and say now that is better what is it you want. if he screams again ignore him again. It will be hard in the beginning but it has become a habit now and it takes 7 times longer to break a habit than to make a habit.

Answer 10

You have to ignore the unwanted behavior. If you don't the child will continue to use this screaching as a means to get attention. It may suck, and it may take a while, but it will be worth it in the end.