I am miserable with my husband. We very rarely get along-or even try. Niether one of us loves the other. I can see us getting divorced as soon as the kids are old enough. He's lazy, won't work, is abusive,(physically & emotionally). Everything about him makes me unhappy. For some reason, I can't get enough nerve to leave him. I am completely miserable, yet I am still here. Why? It's not for financial reasons, I support us. I have ample opportunity to leave-but I can't make my mind up. Counseling won't work-been there done that. According to him, he is the smartest person in the world and knows everything about everything. Basically my question is-if he is such a jerk and I am so miserable-why can't I make my mind up to leave?
2006-08-14 23:56:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because change is scary.......for us being such a smart species, we're dumb in this area. Most of us feel that the fear of the unknown is greater than the fear of leaving a bad situation. It's almost like you're used to this life and know what to expect from it......but leaving is opening you up to a new and unknow world. Our brains are programmed with the things we know and all of our habits. It's very difficult to form new brain patterns, it's physicall and emotionally uncomfortable to do so......UNTIL our brain simply gets used to the new pattern. This is true with just about anything.
Forget counseling. What you need to do is understand that it can't get worse, only better. You are wasting each day with your indecision.........each day that could be one day spent rebuilding your life. Life is short. Prepare yourself.......decide where you will go, warn your family, get support, pack things ahead of time, and simply go one day when he's not around. Don't tell him where you are, dont' contact him. Leave him a note. Tell your boss what you're doing ahead of time in case the husband shows up there and goes nutso. And most of all, don't be wishy-washy. Make a decision, KNOW that you will WANT to change your mind, and decide ahead of time that you will not give in to your urge. It's gets harder before it gets better........but once the "better' starts, you'll look back and wonder why you wasted so much time.
Dont' beat yourself up for being afraid. It's normal. You need support, someone who can keep you out of that house. Contact a lawyer too.......they can sometimes be supportive as well....they've seen it many times before.
You are simply stuck in a habit........and until you give yourself the chance to see how much BETTER your life can be, you'll never be motivated enough to leave.. And if that's not enough reason, you should feel guilty for subjecting your children to that environment and THAT is all the reason in the world to GET OUT. You are responsible for being a good mother, and putting your children in the best possible environment they can be in........and you aren't doing that. It's your duty. There's no excuse. You owe it not only to yourself, but mostly to your kids. ONe good parent is better any day, than 2 lousy ones.
2006-08-15 00:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is physically and emotionally abusing you then there is your answer he is putting fear in letting you make a change that could benefit you and therefore has a hold on you and emotionally he has taken your self esteem away and confidence in yourself.
You need to put your foot down and just do it and say to yourself that this is best for you and the children because children should not witness any kind of abuse because children are the most important thing in your life. So take a little time to pull yourself together and do what you must do you can do it you are stronger than you think.
2006-08-15 03:09:57 · answer #2 · answered by Nanci 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the way you describe abt him - [He's lazy, won't work, is abusive,(physically & emotionally)], he is truly someone hard to get by, not to mention as a life partner. I'm not putting you down but it's true.
There are 2 circumtances that he might change for the better:
1. Faced with a life threathening situation. Eg. serious illness but cured.
2. Religious encounter and breakthrough.
You still sticked to him is simply out of love. As love covers a multitude of sins. I think you need emotional support as well, look for support group that can hear you out.
Be strong, don't be dispair, you still have your kids, they knew what you had gone through, they will love you more for your long suffering. Lastly, I wish you well and may God bless you.
2006-08-15 00:27:49 · answer #3 · answered by George 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because he's beat down your self-esteem so much that you think you can't live without him. If he's being abusive, it is not a good thing for the kids to see. Get the kids and get out of there before they grow up to be just like their dad.
2006-08-15 00:26:08 · answer #4 · answered by bluez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
only you know the answer. Go somewhere peaceful, sit properly, take a deep breath and relax. When you calm, talk to yourself about anything you want to know. Don't push or rush yourself. Just relax and calm. You'll find the answer.
2006-08-15 00:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by mohdsyahnis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll be alright without him. Those self doubts will get to you but only if you let them. So what if you fail at something? We're only human and to fail doesn't make us any less of a human, it's what we learn from it. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Never let fear control you, your inner strength is inside of you waiting to come out.
2006-08-15 00:52:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you have to decided and you must take your a brave one ..
leave him ...
and try to get another one who can you love him and to have your happiness,,
there is no a time..
love you...
love you , and don`t think there is more that this word...
love you , its the only word which can make you ...
love you , always and for ever i do...
love you , and i am happy to be with you ...
love you , even when you are so faraway from me ...
love you , in spite of this long distant..
love you , even when you not do ...
love you , even when you got bad thoughts about me ...
love you , even when you left me and bye you didn`t say ...
love you , and sure one day you will know ...
love you , that all what i can do ...
love you , and never to stop loving you ..
love you .............
by: hazem02@yhaoo.com
By hazem02
http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/101/poem_8343955.html
please read more poems for me and leave me there your comments,,
yours
hazem
2006-08-15 00:07:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you just need to motivate yourself...
look at all the negative points and show yourself you ain't happy...
sort yourself out a new place, make arrangements for selling the house, and GO!!!!
2006-08-15 00:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have guts,live positive.you will lead a healthy life
2006-08-15 00:07:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you won't find that answer until you leave him
2006-08-15 00:00:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋