Is my wife overreacting? Is my marriage over?

Question

It was recently discovered that I had an emotional affair. I mean, I was talking to another women on the Internet and phone. We would text message each other all times of the morning while my wife was asleep. Recently, my wife found out about it, she really does not want to have anything to do with me. She told me that I destroyed the trust in our marriage. She also told me that I have put energy into this other woman. My wife now thinks that this could have happened before without her knowing it. I have told her that I am sorry, but she will not let it go. Am I wrong to think that my wife is overreacting. I have tried to tell her that we only talked about basketball, life, and other issues. My wife refuses to believe me. She basically told me that who talks about such things at 4 in the morning. It has been 4 months since the discovery of 2000 phone calls and text messages. Is it over for us? Is she overreacting?

Answer 1

no she's not and you're finished.. sorry, that's the way I see it.. plain and simple!

Answer 2

Your wife is not over reacting at all. It is very very painful to discover that your spouse is talking to someone else behind your back. It breaks the trust you have with your wife and she is very very hurt and feels betrayed. It will take a long time for her to get over it, which she will not completely do, but what you have to do is be completly honest with her. Answer her every question, no matter what. If you want your marriage to work, you have to meet each others emotional needs, you were meeting your needs by talking to another woman and that means you were not meeting your wife's needs. You should go to www.marriagebuilders.com, it is an extremely helpful site, all about how to repair the marriage after an affair, emotional or physical. Your marriage does not have to be over, you can save it, but you have to completely break all contact with the other worman, no contact means NO CONTACT. You have to talk to your wife, tell her you are sorry, you will do everything in your power to gain her trust back, answer her questions, and be totally honest. She has every right to feel the way she does. Emotional connections are often more difficult for women to deal with than physical ones. This is hard for her, please go to the website I mentioned. It is the most helpful thing I have found.

Answer 3

NO! Your wife has EVERY right to react the way she is. You have been hiding this from her and doing it when she is either sleeping or not around. How is she supposed to trust you when she knows that you have been hiding this from her for this long? Why don't you grow up and be a man? Understand that marriage has a lot to do with TRUST as well as love. She won't ever be able to trust you no matter what you do. She doesn't want the relationship anymore. You need to think about it this way, would you be hurt and feel like your significant other is a liar? That is how she sees it. You hid this from her...what else are you hiding? Were you even thinking about how this would affect her? Or were you just thinking about what you could get out of it? You were very unfair and degrading to your wife and now you have to pay the consequences.

She will leave you.

Answer 4

You broke the trust in your marriage; your wife has every right to a reaction....even an overreaction.
The real question here is why did you do it? You must be unhappy with some aspect in your marriage and went looking for it elsewhere. If you don't fix that, this may be bound to happen again and become a worse situation.

Answer 5

Lets see.
I am guessing she would not talk to you and that is why you found someone else to talk to... If she was open to talking and not just treating you like a piece of meat, or not using you, as the case may be... You are probably a very good paycheck.
If she was a warm, loving woman, that held on to you when she talked to you, asked you how your day was, did not ignore you or treat you like trash, I would say you are stupid. If she talked at you instead of to you, I would say you were normal. If she won't talk to you with out a outsider to mediate, I think you are wasting your time. you still will not be happy, and she will still not trust you.
She can get over it but even if she does she will hold it aginst you for a long time.

Answer 6

I think yr wife has to right to be angry with you, lets assume it's the other way round. It's OK to be playful at times with sms & internet chat but you are too careless. Though I believe you are not into real afffairs with the other party.

One extreme of your wife's behaviour is that she will keep bringing back the past to remind you of your mistake, on the other hand you can try to assure her by showing more love & care to her.

Do not just give up on your marriage just becos of this liitle hicup. Marriage is a life long commitment. As times get by, your love will ovecome her insecurity over the mistake you had made. Be of good cheer, wish you both happiness ever after! God bless.

Answer 7

Shame on you! Your wife is not overreacting. A married man should never have a stronger relationship with another woman than his wife. On line chatting is referred to by many as an affair. Would you like it if you wife had this same relationship with another woman? If you would care then I say hang it up. You shouldn't be together. If you love your wife, then see a couples counselor. She apparently feels she can no longer trust you. I don't blame her!

Answer 8

You are simply going to have to build back the trust between the two of you. I have had a similar episode and my husband finally trusts me again. Just let her know that you don't feel comfortable discussing everything with her. It's easier to put it in writing and talk to a complete stranger. I think there is no harm done here, but your wife obviously feels neglected. Take her out and show her how much you still care about her and let her know that she is the woman you are still in love with and that when you said "I do" you meant every word of it.

Answer 9

I had a similar problem. I told a girlfriend about some relationship issues and boyb was offended. It made sense. His point was if there was an issue I should discuss it with him. I apologised and address issues head on rather than seek intimacy (platonic or otherwise) elsewhere. She can't trust that you will go to her in times of need. Stop emailing personal details of your relationship to other people and address them with your wife. I am sure if the situation was reversed and she was emailing someone, regardless of how much you trusted her you would be disappointed she seeked answers and or justification elsewhere.

Answer 10

hey i am also married i also text and chat online to a guy but the one thing i am not the same as u is i have been up front and honest with my husband from the start he know i talk to this man 3 times a day sometimes more we dont chat sex we just chat.... so if u wee honest from the beginning ur wife wouldnt have thourght anything of it but bcos u hid it u were being secretive and naturally the mind wonders next time be honest and this time ask ur wife if she wants to meet this person or =chat to them so she can find out for herself

Answer 11

2000 phone calls? 4 in the morning? Um, no she's not over reacting. You can tell her your sorry till the sky turns green and rains little frogs but it won't change the fact that you chose to involve yourself with someone else. Not even a real person! the computer!