My husband is a freelance graphic designer, but he has never been very successful. He graduated at age 29, and has since done many small projects, but he has not been able to find a permanent job in this field, or establish a steady income. He is 32 now. He has a big dream now of starting his own design firm and has spent every day for the past 3 months building a website. But he has no capital, no business experience, no contacts and we are both loaded with debts. I basically support the both of us on my salary, and I won't take the chance of having kids in this financial situation, despite the fact that we both really want kids. I dont have that much time left. I try to encourage him to look for jobs, but I end up being the one doing the job search, and he only applys to the jobs with half-baked resumes. He basically makes no effort, and its clear he wants to be a freelancer, even if he makes no money. What can I do? I dont want to be the breadwinner forever.
2006-08-14 23:25:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Really, i think you know the answer, you just want someone else to say it, too.
If it's never going to be any different than this ~ and it isn't ~ then you have to decide if you'll stay or if you'll go.
If he's been doing this for 3 years and does all job searches half-baked, why would you even think it will improve?
2006-08-14 23:34:51 · answer #1 · answered by just common sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both need councelling so you can actually hear what each other is saying. My sister's husband is a graphics designer. He used to have a good job in his field, but was laid off several years ago. Since then he's taken any work he could to support his family, including construction and an oil changing station. He now has a good, steady job with a car company, but its still not graphic design. He keeps his drafting table in the house and loves to work at it. But supporting the family is his prime goal.
It sounds like your husband needs a sharp tap to the skull. Dreams are wonderful, and he can still try for that. But he shouldn't make you both suffer for his dreams, especially if its delayed starting a family. You both have some serious choices to make.But if you cannot live this way any longer, you need to make sure he understands your position. Quite frankly, he's being very selfish. He needs to accept reality and keep that idea as a hobby to enjoy. Making you earn the money so he can play as he wants is not being a good husband, especially when you don't like or agree with the situation.
2006-08-14 23:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great question.
I have developed a design business in the past and if he has been doing it for 3 years and doesn't have the various things you list then what the hell has he been doing with his time...without contacts you are nothing, and he must not tried to meet anyone, is the only way I see it...
There is a formula for successful business startups in that industry.
As a designer I am sure he is great, as a business man he doesn't know where to start: he should jack it in for a few years and work for someone who knows the industry, the business side of things and has a developed order book...once he has established himself within another business, built a reputation...
THEN he should think about branching out on his own...steal the contacts he made (as long as he managed the relationship with those clients properly) from the last business and have the right equipment...
VOILA instant business prospects
in the next two years he will develop maybe 20% on his own, he will develop 80% within another company...after two years he could be making a fortune for himself (if he starts up again after that: so say)....he will not get near get near that level of success for up to for 5-8 years the way he is going...Compared to 3 years doing it the better way.
Don't forget that 2 years working for someone else will be two years of salary for you both...could make a difference to your lives outside his job too...Nugget of advice, learn from other peoples mistakes, not your own!!!
Good luck, the biggest truth is that he will have to admit to being a failure to move on...gonna have to stroke his ego all the way on this one..
2006-08-14 23:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
and trust me... HE doesn't want you to be the BREADWINNER forever.
Here's what I suggest... give him a deadline...
Agree together... if he doesn't get his "business" off the ground (and specifically define that) in 3 years (say by his 35th birthday)... then he needs to abandon his FULL TIME DREAMS in favor or a FULL TIME JOB. THEN he can still pursue it, but as an adjunct or part time thing.
Musicians are like that. All of us want to TOUR or do concerts or have big recording contracts. However at some point in time, if you're not MAKING IT... you really need to take a job at HOME DEPOT or VERIZON or somewhere to PAY THE BILLS and settle for your "dreams" playing weddings on the weekends or playing with a group of guys at at 4th of July party.
He needs to GROW UP. And YOU need to stop letting him skate.
2006-08-14 23:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to him telll him if hes serious he needs to get proper experience in business and needs too find a job in the mean time to get some money together as it may be his dream but it still costs. If he ignores you call his bluff tell him your bored with your job your going to quit. Come up with some half baked scheme tell him thats what your going to do, once he realises there will be no money coming in he may straighten up. you shouldnt have to slave to support your husband.
2006-08-14 23:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by a mother 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a dreamer while you're the one who faces reality. People like that you cannot reason with, they can make anything look good on paper. Sorry, but you better plan on keeping your jobs if you want the bills paid and your husband has no problem with you paying them either. What do you need him around for?
2006-08-15 00:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definently a hard situation. Ask him to get a part-time job at least to help get your financial situation situated. Encourage him to put up his resume on job search sites. Hopefully he will get calls. Talk to him more about how you feel and help him through it.
Good luck
2006-08-14 23:40:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ideal situation is to leave him, but the next best thing is not to support him in his daydream of having a business.
2006-08-15 05:44:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that it can be frusterating and all, but never doubt anyone! Most people that have made a good life for themselves started out in your husbands situation. You can be suprised what people can do when they have drive and detirmination!
2006-08-14 23:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by ☮ Erica ☮ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple.
don't give him any spending money.
literally only food and a roof over his head.
no clothes, movies, cigarettes, petrol for his car.
tell him it's time he grew up.
2006-08-15 00:30:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋