Have you ever wanted to let a good friend go?

Question

Has anyone ever had a friend you wanted to part with? Not because you didn’t get along with them, but instead you were on different roads in life? My friend had so many things going good and then as soon as they went sour, started to resort to drugs and drinking, has been unemployed for two months now and is going at 100 miles an hour. She'll take one step in the right direction and then does something to counter to set her back even further.

Emotionally it’s starting to drag me down too because we have been emotionally and spiritually connected. (She helped me find god again and inspired me to write once more). And it has become too much for me and while she is considers me as her best friend, I for some reason am mentally ready to let her go. Does that make me a bad best friend?

I did try to help her. I helped take calls and let her use my phone when she went job hunting. I even let her live with me for a week after her friend got evicted. I make only so much so I could only afford to keep her so long and then she went back to live with family (Which was the best case senario)

Oh and when I was trying to help her, before she left my apartment, she had told me that the only way was to do it herself and not be dependent on me. Which is the right attitude, but when she needs me she still picks up the phone to call which I knew she would. This still however goes back to my original statement that she takes a step forward but the drugs and alchohol and partying send her back the other way by two steps....

Answer 1

You're not a bad person for not wanting to accompany her on her personal road to distruction. Unfortunately it is common, for some reason, that the person who connects you back to God often seems to go off the rails. I don't know why. I have a minor problem of this sort, my friend and mentor of many years is no longer good to be with. Not like your friend, she is just starting to stagnate instead of growing and developing as a person. she is also getting very critical of others, especially me. She is about 20 yrs older than me but I'm over 40, and I don't like being talked to as if I were a child. I've put up with it for a couple of yrs because we usually only see each other about once a month, but I finally decided that enough was enough. I no longer enjoy her company and I don't think she enjoys mine, either. I've decided to just move on with my own life and leave this friendship where it is; if she gets in touch I'll be pleasant but not very forthcoming--and too busy to get together.
This is a painful situation for you, much more dramatic than mine. But the same applies--you are ultimately responsible for your own life and letting your friend drag you down isn't going to help either one of you. Let her know that you care, but that you can't share in her destructive lifestyle. Pray for her--God is much stronger than you are.

Answer 2

I've felt as if I wanted to let a friend go but I never actually did it and I'm glad, because now looking back if actually had let those friends go I would've regretted it.

Your friend is doing self-destructive things and I don't blame you for wanting to end the friendship.

I don't know all the details so I'll leave you this answer:

Really only you can decide.
It appears your friend is in need of help and if she considers you her best friend ending the friendship could make things worse for her.
I don't know, maybe you have tried to help your friend.
But maybe try some more and wait a little bit before you decide to end the friendship.

Or just be there less.
EDIT: I've just read the additional details.
So you have helped her a lot.
I think you should just be there for her less, slowly edge out of her life but never completely leave it until you're sure that you want to end the friendship.

Answer 3

Friends are in our lives for a Season, a Reason, or a Lifetime.
Maybe your season is over. It happens.
Or maybe she was in your life for a reason...the reason was to help you find God.
But when the cost of being in a relationship is more than you can afford...in other words it's bringing you down or keeping you from your best then it's best to end it or keep it on a casual level.
It's not even a confrontation thing really, because you don't really have anything solid to confront her on.
I would just be available to her less and less. Hopefully she'll get it and if she asks just let her know that you feel like you guys are going in 2 different directions lately but that you'll always have an open door for her.
Good luck...
BTW way to go on not letting yourself be dragged down by this...I admire you for it!

Answer 4

I could never understand how one can "find God" or be religious and abuse drugs and alcohol. Never understood that deep contradiction. It's time to show you are a friend. Two months and you want to give up on her completely? Is that what God would want you to do? Or do you see her getting worse before she gets better and you just don't want to deal with that "ickyness" now that your life's so hunky dory? Remind her of her love of God and how she showed you the way.

Something brought her down on the downward spiral. Of course, you don't have to mention what it is to a group of strangers here on-line. But think about it, dude. Did someone she care about die? What fell apart? What made her go off the deep end? Is suddenly God not making sense to her because of it? You don't fill us in on everything, but it sounds like she's sending a call for help and no one's responding or knowing how to.

You want to help her - figure out a way. An intervention just might be the ticket.

Answer 5

Its true that friend are suppose go through thick and thin,but you must have a limit for yourself,if is beyond your limit,do not attempt to cross it,because if you do,you will end up blaming your friend for everything that had happen.
Letting her go doesn't mean that she is out of your life,from time to time,you check on her,help within your own limit,you cannot expect yourself to help her like she help you,you are in two different situations.You are mentally feeling helpless,so for now but don't give up on her,help her but slowly,she need time and you need to rest.
Its doesn't make a bad best friend if you still wanted to be her friend,but its does if you start to think that she is a burden to you,she is having her rough time,stay by herside,but at the same time,take some time off and be at your own side once a while.That way,you are helping her and yourself without feeling mentally wrong and sick

Answer 6

Be there for her ,but let her know she is going lose you if she doesn't get help that you want her back the way she was at one time get her in to Al-non meeting ,You said she help you get back with God this what she needs and she'll find him there and a lot of people from all walks of life in the same place at one time ..My best friend (my mom ) stay with me and I know I was emotionally draining her ,I don't know what I would of done if she hadn't been there for me ,,she was the only friend I had everyone else turn their back on me ,,now I'm doing great ,,I found the Higher Power at one of those meeting ..Good Luck

Answer 7

i had a friend like that. we were friends for over 30 years. i saw her through two marriages. abuse, everything that life threw at her

when things went sour with my second husband, she was right there.

what i didnt know until after i found out that she was messing with the guy that i had a miscarriage by that i was still living with. what i didnt know was that she had had an affair with my second husband.

all our lives i had done nothing but be her friend. i helped her with rent, food, a place to stay, everything.

and then she stabbed me in the back. i will never be that much of a friend to anyone again. and i will not be stupid enough to believe that a friend wouldnt mess with my man behind my back again.

Answer 8

Maybe she just have problem to be independent on her self if she keeps depending on you. There is times people might need some personal space. While sticking with you, some other people might think in a different way that you are trying to act like a best friend to her, and to outsider might over imagine she had become your girl friend, (like you have mentioned she is a female).
The only way to avoid gossips and to be independent on oneself, is to stand on one self. Don't mind her, she trying to give you and her self some personal space. She will thank you for being a big help,

Answer 9

Some times this happens in life, and not only when the roads are that different such as in your situation. My friend recently "dumped" me because we just didn't connect any more--we were becoming two different types of people. It sounds like your friend does have issues, but guess what? It is not up to you to help her---people that are addicted need to come to the realization by themselves, and sadly you "dumping" her as a friend may be just what she needs. Trust me I was sad at first but now I am happy it happened that way...not as much stress in my life!!

Answer 10

i had a friend like that, im glad shes trying to respect u by saying she cant be dependant on u, but u also have to watch out for her taking advantage of u. im not saying she is but have u ever heard that saying "never bite the hand that feeds u"? maybe this is a really low point in her life and ur all shes got, if she loses u, than she has nothing. decide who u want to be, the friend that kicked a girl while she was down or the one that helped her get on her own 2 feet? but if shes getting worse u need to help her. it sounds like ur all shes got.