how does a man pick up the pieces when his wife leaves and gives no reason?

Question

my wife left me in May this year every one says get over it I just dont seem able to , she had been having an affair with another man since feb . Somedays i think I cant go on others i scrape by why has she done this to me I was good to her i know i was?

Answer 1

The first thing you need to understand is that cheating is about the cheater, not their spouse. Believe me on this, I have asked more than one cheater about it in an effort to understand the behavior of my father, and when they have been honest, what it comes down to is that they have done it for personal reasons.

Your wife may tell you all sorts of things about what you did, or how you made her feel, or the things you said in an effort to blame you for it, but that's just standard operating procedure. It's a lot easier to blame bad behavior on someone else than it is to stand up and take responsibility and say, "I was unhappy, and instead of talking to my husband about it so we could work on it, I chose to screw around".

As for how to pick up the pieces...it's a little harder, and it takes time. All I can tell you is that you just get up in the mornings, and you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you keep moving. I know what it is to have a broken heart. I know what it is to stay in bed all day and think, "I just cannot go on" and to be really serious about it. The hard truth is that time is the only thing that will really heal you. In the meantime, stop blaming yourself for her behavior and be gentle on yourself. You've suffered a big injury, as big as any that would land you in a hospital ER, and you need time to heal.

If you think it will help, find someone to talk to; a therapist or counselor is always good, and they will be able to teach you techniques for dealing with your pain. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Realize that it will take time for you to feel better. When the pain gets really bad and overwhelming, just concentrate on drawing another breath, because sometimes that's all you can do.

Be well.

Answer 2

It sounds like you're still in the "kicked in the gut" phase of a break-up. You need to get angry. Really angry. You say you were good to her and she had an affair with another man for 4 months before she left you. You shared your wife for 4 months. Stop being sad about it and dwelling about what happened and wondering why she did this to you. She did this to you because she was a self-centered shrew of a woman who didn't give any consideration to your feelings or the vows she took. That's how you're going to get over her. You're going to get mad. Eventually, you'll run out of steam and will feel nothing for her. The process is love, then hate, then indifference. Once you reach indifference, you'll feel better. Hang in there, good things are yet to come!

Answer 3

You might think you were good to her, but we'd never know : because you guys never talked it out. There must be a reason, however trivial, for a party in a married couple to feel unhappy.
I recommend you ask her, if you are able to summon up the courage to. Otherwise, move on - you're a man, if women can handle divorces and other more gruesome tasks, I don't see why you can't. You are probably not letting go of the past; dwelling in it - Don't you see this is hurting you more?

Answer 4

It Hurts more that you or anyone of us can explain. Unless you have had this happen to you there is no way to understand this feeling.

You will grow and the hurt will get less and less over time. You just have time to heal. I know you want answers but you might never get any. You need to focus on yourself and get better emotionally.

Move on become better than you were excel at everything you want.

It is not easy for I to had this happen. Years later married to my sole-mate, great children, and ex cellent job. I went far past my ex and I am where I wanted to be now. I just was not with the correct person with my first marriage.

Heal, move on and excell. Life will be so much greater than you could ever think

Answer 5

I understand how you feel. Its a blow to your ego, isn't it? It may not necessarily your fault that she has left you, just that circumstances made it justifiable for her to leave you. You will never know unless she is prepared to tell you.
It is not important for you to know why she left you, if she's not prepared to let you know.
What you need to do now is to start circulating again. There will always be someone who can accept you, especially your weaknesses. Don't tell me you don't have any. All of us have our strengths and weaknesses. Do not dwell on one failure and lose confidence in yourself!
I guess that you have not been communicating well with your wife while you were together! With your new relationships, try to bear this in mind. You have to communicate your likes and dislikes with each other, in an adult manner. Think of the other party whenever a decision needs to be taken. How the choice will affect the other party.

Answer 6

bud, you are not alone, my wife did the same thing and so did my boss, i think some women have a self destruct gene, they leave hard working, loyal guys that love them for guys who really dont care less. The only answer to your problem is time, it will get better and it will hurt like hell for a while. Get involved in something to keep busy and dont give up. Also alot of guys tend to beat themselves up, dont, she was wrong and you might have faults but she should have worked them out with ya. In other words it wasn't your fault and alot of times you will meet someone ten times better.

Answer 7

Same thing happened to me, and we had been married 19 years. It took me forever to get over her, and I still think of her from time to time. When I found a satisfying relationship, I was able to move on.

Answer 8

if you know you were good to her then its her loss. instead of picking up the pieces, why not clean it up and start from scratch. be good or better to the next girl that comes along.

Answer 9

if you were so good to her than your ex-wife sucks.
she is the one with the problem. i always rely on the karma to cheer me up. she'll be sorry she left you. soon youll get someone else and she will be jealous.
best of luck to you.

Answer 10

i just want u 2 think that she has done something very wrong she does not love u and then u will feel comfortable