My wife of 2 1/2 years dating, 1 month marriage just told me we made a mistake.?

Question

She said she is not attracted to me physically anymore, and doesn't get any special feelings when we have sex, am I screwed or is their something I can do to fix our relationship?

serious answers please................

Answer 1

You should sue her for making you waste your time and for create false expectations!
What a stupid thing to do!

Answer 2

You have my sympathy. I know exactly what you're talking about. My husband and I got engaged too quickly, but had a relatively long engagement (not as long as yours). We made the mistake of living together so by the time we were married it was no big deal--the excitement was gone.

We tried marriage counseling--going together and separately, but it wasn't successful. I admitted to things I shouldn't have and my husband just gave up. We drifted along for years until we finally admitted to each other that neither one of us wanted to get married the day of our wedding. He's never explained why he didn't try to get out of the wedding. I told myself it was pre-wedding jitters and that with the excitement surrounding the event I would feel differently later. I also didn't want to hurt his feelings because I thought he loved me. There would have been problems dealing with the families as well. As I was walking down the aisle I kept looking for an old boyfriend to tell me not to go through with it.

The upshot of all this is that our marrige made the both of us miserable. Our sexual relationship was not great--perfunctory at best and eventually non-existent. It must have made an impact on our son because his first marrige resembled ours. Fortunately he was able to get out of it and has since remarried a truly remarkable woman.

Sounds like a dismal prospect for you, doesn't it? Age could have something to do with her feelings. Did she harbor unrealistic expectations that things would be Martha Stewart-perfect once the honeymoon was over? Ask her to be fair to you and to the marriage and try counseling. It doesn't have to be a psychologist or marrige counselor. She may feel more comfortable with your pastor/priest/rabbi. Encourage her to help find someone. If either of you isn't comfortable with that person, get recommendations for someone else. If her mind is set on voiding the marriage, there's not much you can do. Try to make your life fulfilling without her. Maybe you'll need to move, get a different job, go back to school, whatever it takes. Just don't beat yourself up because you know you've tried.

The very best of luck to you.

Answer 3

That is screwed up of her! I would give it another month to see if things change, and also it sounds like she might be cheating on you. You might want to find out what she's up to begind your back . If she said it only one time to you about not getting any feeling during sex, she may have just been in a bad mood or angry at something else. Thats why you should give it a little while.
Try to talk it out with her and tell her you want the honest truth, and that you won't be angry no matter what she says because you care about her. If she is still insisting she's not attracted to you, divorce her and find a better woman!!!!There's plenty out there.

Answer 4

Wow. I hope I never have to know how that feels. That's rough.

Marriage is a strange thing. Your attitudes and actions can change without either of you noticing it conciously. Especially about sex. The idea of being kind of owned, even by the person you love, is too much for some women to deal with, and even if they don't subscribe to that particular belief it affects their emotional nature anyway.

Maybe there are some notions about marriage that are affecting you, and she is reacting to your discomfort?

Get some therapy. At one point, you loved each other enough to get married. Isn't that worth something?

Answer 5

I am no marriage counselor, but here is my advise.

Take the time to talk to each other to find out what the issue is. She may not be telling you the whole truth, or you may not be telling us or to her the whole truth.

It could also be a phase she is going through, in that case, it will pass. However, I would definition have a nice long conversation with her to find out what's troubling her.

Before you get to talk to her, have a moment of self reflection to see if you have changed in anyway or treat her in any indifference before and after the marriage. Most importantly, do not try to blame her for the problem and try to explore all the avenue to see if you maybe in fault and work out a compromise.

If the issue persist, go see a marriage counselor to see if the issue can be resolved. Since a third person can mitigate the situation better.

Best of luck to you. If she is worth marrying, you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power in keeping this relationship.

Answer 6

You are still in honeymoon period, so something is not right. Try to assess her wants and needs. If you have been too aggressive in bed, maybe she wants you to slow things down. Try sweet music, scented candles, give her a red thong --- use your imagination! But if you think she prefers hard core sex, then go wild! Seduce her while she is cooking & then do it in the kitchen or do it on top of the washing machine while she's doing the laundry - the vibration helps! Whatever you do, you observe what she enjoys most, from thereon you can innovate! Good luck!

Answer 7

i agree mayb u should try spicing things up. . and think about how much do u luv her and if u really want to be wit her and deal wit the situation if so u need to sit down and have a serious talk wit her and see what needs to happen to fix the relationship. if she says she doesn't kno try planning something romantic and do somethings she lives if u dont feel anything for her u should jus cut ur losses and move on with life, u seem like a nice person and maybe deserve someone better than her becuase she seems to be slightly shallow and full of herself good luck to u

Answer 8

If you want to make it work, consider marriage counseling.. otherwise, I'm thinking that it's still recent enough to have the marriage annulled. Perhaps though, there are other issues here, I would guess that she's not being completely honest with you, and the sex thing is an excuse.

Seeking counseling is likely your best move to get to the bottom of things.

Answer 9

Maybe you guys just need to spice things up a bit. Sometimes people get in a rut and they feel bad about their lives for awhile. It happens to a LOT of people. Talk to her about why she feels this way. You need to be asking HER if there is something you can do. If she doesn't change her mind then she is not for you. You don't need someone that is this shallow. If she is not willing to work on things then you're better off without her. I know its hard but its the truth.

Answer 10

No biggie. Get an annulment and find someone else. If you were married for more than a year, I would say that divorce is not good without trying to work it out. But less than one year, no biggie.

It's better to just take your losses soon while they are small. I know that it's not easy, but she doesn't love you in that way anymore, so why fight it?

Answer 11

You definitley need to go to marriage counseling. Most women need to feel loved and valued, while most men need to feel respected. While you are waiting for your appointment for marriage counseling, read the book "The five love languages" by either Gary Chapman or Gary Smalley. At any rate, you can get it from the library or cheap on Amazon.com. Good luck, and may God be with you.