My teenager hates my boyfriend.?

Question

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months but my 16 year old daughter is throwing a tantrum about him moving in. He is the first man i have been out with in over 10 years and i have been a single parent for 21 years. Most of the time she gets on with him fine, then she suddenly get a bee in her bonnet and becomes the witch queen from hell. She say she doesnt mind him coming over at weeends but doesnt want him moving in (something my boyfriend and I want to do in the next few months). She has admited that she never wants us to marry etc. Should I just put my foot down and tell her I have a life too and to like it or lump it or should I be more understanding and let her have her way on this?

Answer 1

I had this same problem with my mom and her boyfriend. I spent ALOT of time with him, it was fun. Now there getting married. I suggest having your daughter hang out with him alot. after he moves in. Have him move in and then have him take her places etc. She will get to know him and like him! Hey, what do you got to lose? It worked on me.

Answer 2

This is purely my opinion and based on nothing but that....

She's 16 and probably well aware that she only has a few more years with the mother/daughter thing that you now have going (before she moves out or otherwise has changes in her own life). She may feel as if you are bringing in the boyfriend (to live - you already said she doesn't mind him coming over) without regard to what little time you have left together as things are, or else she may feel that what you and she have together in the home is so special she doesn't want it disrupted.

My own opinion is that I don't really think having a live-in boyfriend is the best idea when you have children young enough to be living under your roof as well. Even if the children are thirty or so, there's something kind of "off" about mothers having a live-in boyfriend - and maybe your daughter feels that way too.

To me, it seems a mother has a right to a social life and a romance within some proper boundaries, and I think kids do need to know that they'll grow up and have their own lives, and mothers should have one too. However, the old "its my life" and "I deserve some happiness" thing only goes so far when a person is a mother and should be considering her roll as a mother (which is different from considering one's daughter's preferences).

Imagine how if you saw your boyfriend outside on dates and came back and told you daughter what a lovely evening you had, what a different image that conjurs up than the one with the boyfriend and the mother and the child/children all in a house one does.

It would seem to me if this boyfriend is a permanent one then it may be nice to hold off on the moving in thing until she's another year or two older (she may even think differently next year), preferably two. At the same time, I'd make it clear to her that I may marry this person at some point; and that's where I don't think she should have a say. Who you marry isn't really something she should have much say in, but who she has to live with and whether or not she has an awkward situation foisted up her are things she should have some say over. She may even worry that you won't marry this person, and that he'll be nothing more than a live-in.

Answer 3

Stop! You are the cause of the problem.Just wondering, did you come up with "the witch queen from hell," or did your boyfriend? Didn't men "coming over at weekends" get you pregnant? You're letting some man move in with you and your kids? Talk about bad parenting. F.Y.I., YOU don't have a life, your kids are your life. Get over yourself and listen to your daughter. She probably have a good reason, like your boyfriend is a child molester.
-Iman J.

Answer 4

I think you are not accepting your daughter's feelings. You want something, but instead of sitting down ALONE with your daughter, you are being like her: bullheaded.

You want to make a decision that will affect BOTH you and your daughter. Obviously, there is something that is seriously troubling your daughter. You need to sit down with your daughter and have a long, meaningful discussion. Give your daughter's feelings some respect and credibility.

Find out what is bothering her. This "boyfriend moving in" deal may drive a wedge between you and your daughter for the rest of your life. You better consider that and decide just HOW important that is to you.

Turn your computer off, find your daugher and sit down with her for a long talk.

I don't think your daughter should run your life, but I DO think the two of you have an issue or two to work out.

Answer 5

well moving in after 6 months seems a little quick, and I can see why she's upset. Why do you have to live together so soon? What type of example are you setting for her? I think you need to address how your daughter is feeling and try to talk things out with her. She probably doesn't want him to move in because 1) maybe she doesn't really care for him too much; 2) she feels he's invading her turf by taking up your attention; or 3) she feels awkward at the thought of a man living in your house. You really need to talk it out with her and consider her point of view. People really don't like to be told things with no warning, you know? Try to see things from her point of view and maybe you'll understand why she's so upset about it. If nothing else, go see a counselor together.

Answer 6

Respect your daughter. FAMILY comes first. I understand your frustration, but she will always be your child - he may not always be your boyfriend. Imagine how heartbroken you will be if your daughter resents you for putting her in an uncomfortable living situation - it could ruin your relationship for the rest of your lives. Esp. if the relationship with this guy doesn't last. At the very least give it more time. 6 months with him, 16 years of raising your daughter? I'm sure you get the point.

Also if he really cares for you both he will understand her feelings, and won't let it jeopardize what the two of you have. After all she will be 18 soon.

Answer 7

I know someone that is going through the same thing with their child and this is what I told her. You should always take into consideration what your child wants when it comes down to a man moving into the house. True enough you have a life, but your child is what come first. Her feeling like this towards him has to be for a reason. You should try and talk to her or even wait a little while longer before he moves in

Answer 8

well i was ur daughter once... my mother did the same thing.. but it wasn't 6 mths.. more like 2 weeks... but yeah ne ways that is another story.. the only thing that i would think it was that maybe your not spending enough time with her... as my mother didn't do. i would take her out and do something specail.... and then go out to eat and tell her.. what u want and that you really like him and that u want her to tell her why he doesn't want him to move in... i would just ask her why and try to fix it or work with it... as if my mother would of done that ... i wouldn't be living in TX and not in FL where she is... i can tell u the hole story as this is really just part..lol this is not even 1/4 of the story but u can email me and would like to tell you how i felt and all the other stuff was going on... like i had a son... and well that added stress and he moved in when my son was 2 weeks old.. and well she met him the night i was in the hospital... * i was a 16 * 3 weeks after my 16th bday*.. but my email is [e-mail]

Answer 9

well! I can tel you cos my mum has a boyfriend too! And I know how that feels. I do the same thing with mu mums boyfriend. Don't know why though. It comes naturally i guess. I think that sometimes she thinks that nobody could change the place of her dad and she is being evil (lol). In my example I think that he is trying to hard to make me like him and because of that he is being annoying. But some times I really like him, but I think that that is just because he is on my side when I fight with my mum (again return to the part with trying to hard). but don't worry She will get over that. She is a teenager. It is natural that she changes her mood every three minutes. the same thing happens to me and to all teenagers. Talk to her and ask her about your boyfriend. If she has a serious reason not to like your boyfriend i suggest you dump him. ONLY IF IT IS SERIOUS!!!

Answer 10

I think that is a bad idea that hes moving in with you you should be the one to be moving in if he wants to marry you wheres the house i think thats why shes mad you should just let the relationship go on but not let him move in thats wrong hes the man!!! Or both of you what to move in buy a different place or something dont let him in to your house that easy come on woman wheres the game!!! think about this before you do same thing espaacilly your daughter let her in on this she part of this to!!! Its only been what 6 months ive been with my bf for 9 months but i dont get all crazy about us!!!

Answer 11

Either:

1. kids usually think it's creepy seeing their parents "dating" and acting like teenagers. As teens usually are programmed to do the opposite of your parents. It's causing an unnatural miscalculation in her brain and just frankly *not insulting you* creeping her out.

Or


2. Maybe she feels emotionally connected to her dad and doesn't want you with another guy. I felt the same way when my dad was dating another woman, I felt like he was treating my mother like crap and being selfish just for a new mate and that angered me.. talk to her about it

hope that helps