Black and White ?

Question

I'm fifteen years old. I have a boyfriend who is black and white but mostly black. I'm white. My family isn't racist but they have a problem with interracial relationships. They don't make our relationship easy. We break up a lot over my family not letting me see him. I love him but I don't know what to do about my family. How would you handle my situation?

Answer 1

That's sad that they have a problem with interracial relationships in this day and age, but like others have said, they are your parents and you must honor their wishes right now. Good for you that you are color blind however. My daughters are old enough to date, and I've encouraged them to date whomever makes them feel special and treats them well. They both have had crushes on young men of different races and mixtures. When your parents have finished raising you, you'll be able to choose a love of your own. For now though, you are obligated to do what you are told.

Answer 2

Ahhh... I see as to why you are breaking up now...

Gosh, why didn't you explain it in the last question?

Well, unfortunately, your just going to either 1) have to keep lecturing your parents into something they're not to solid on, or 2) deal with their pressures.

This must be hard. I cannot tell you personally, because I haven't been through that. But, I can assure you that it is not impossible to work out.

This is what I would do-- seriouslly. Talk to your b/f to see how he would feel if he would have dinner at your house. If he says no, than talk him into it. And if he decides yes, that he will, make sure you tell him to be on his best behavior. And to dress somewhat descent-- Not too formal, but not pants sagging either. You know-- something acceptable.

When he comply's, speak with either your mother or your father first- whichever one you have best communications with. It may also help if you have a cybling that is taking your side, to help persuade your family into having him over for dinner.

That way, if you were to have your b/f over for dinner, your parents could see him. It's a first impression with people. I'm white, and well, I don't care about interracial dating. I think it's fine-- if you're in love, you're in love, and that's that.

I can immagine though-- many people aren't open minded to interracial dating, so you're going to have to present the matter head on and slowly work your parents into realizing that everything is okay.

If your father is the main one with the problem, your b/f looking all spify and on his best behavior should more than WOW your dad. And your mother as well-- maybe even your bro/ or sis.

Once that first impression has past, your parents will be more acceptive about the situation. They will know either 2 things. 1) He was trying to look good for your family, which will at least flatter your parents for trying. And 2) They really will get an idea that this guy has his head on a swivel. (Meaning.. he's a good guy).

Tell your b/f to tell the truth-- don't lie when your dad starts asking questions.. But then again, make sure your dad knows not to put him on the spot.

If he does, than there is a plan...

Before dinner comes along, tell your b/f that if he feels the least bit-- ON THE SPOT-- than to ask to be excused and go to the restroom. Tell your b/f, that while he's gone, that will show YOU that he is feeling uncomfortable.

When your b/f leaves for a short bit, remind your father not to be so inquisitive.. OR.. to not put him on the spot; to tone it down. I'm sure whoever is more acceptive to you-- either your mother or father will be nagging at the other to stop.

But, in order for everything to work well, your b/f must try his best and not look back-- that is to the front door. He can't leave, or he can't chicken out.

And neither can your parents.

I think this would be a good idea. My parents are kind of like your's. They're old 'timey... Things have changed, society has grown, and this country is a lot more multicultural than it used to be 50 years ago. So, try to be understanding, but then again, be aggressive.

If you aren't aggressive enough, things will fail.. Yet, don't overdo it, or they may make sure you never see him again. Which would be stupid-- and just be asking for trouble.

But, I'm pretty sure this is a good idea. It'd at least be a step forward. And none, the less, it would give your parents, definately something to talk about over the evening while you guys...have gone off.... to a movie or whatever.

Good Luck.. once again...

--Rob :)~~(:

Answer 3

Well if you and him really love each other then the most important thing is good communication between both of you, that is both of you should come to an understanding and realize that your parents are causing trouble. If you and him take a firm stand and let everyone know that they can't break you up, then your parents will give up slowly in time. Also if you can get your parents to know him better, like have him come over more often and maybe have dinner with your family maybe they will change, ignorance is our enemey, so people usualy hate what they ignore, so let them know him better.

Answer 4

You know i dated a black guy around your age too and my family didn't really like either nor did his. We ended up breaking up for good but stayed friends. I know it's hard but your only 16 and still have to do what your parents tell you too even if you don't agree with them. When you get older and can make your own decision legally then you can date whoever you want.

Answer 5

Well... Your family's views are racist whether they like to admit it , or not. You are 15, and in a couple years you won't remember this guys name. Your family takes care of you now, and you need to respect them even if they are wrong. I'm sure you don't like this answer, but thats reality.

Answer 6

first off if your family is not racist then they wouldnt have a problem with you seeing your boyfriend. i think there is more to this dating situation then you are letting on... or what you dont want to tell us.

Answer 7

First of all, you really don't need to be loving anyone at that age....whether they are black, blue or green. True love will come when you are older. Anyway, as long as your parents alow you to date, then date whoever you want to date.....when it comes to the race of that person, you should be totally color blind and so should your parents.

Answer 8

Tell your family to get over it. You're dating him, and not allowing you to see him because he's Black isn't an excuse.
-Iman J.

Answer 9

well first have you told your family about how you feel about him. They should understand. And if they don't let you see him still sneak out.

Answer 10

Umm you shouldnt let them get in the way just keep it on the down low you now.