My husband is having a affair and I dont know what I should do?

Question

We have been together for 10 years and married for one year. Ever since we got married he stays out all night and doesent come home sometimes. There has been a women calling his phone in the past. I think its been going on for some time. Everytime I bring it up we get in a argument and he leaves. He will not talk about it. I have tried everything to get through to him. I know that the only thing to do is to leave him alone but I am emotionally broke down and I dont feel strong enough to stand up to him. I want our marriage to work but obviously he doesnt put his effort into it. I just dont know how to be strong and get a divorce. That is the last thing I want to do but I dont think I have a choice.

Answer 1

DIVORCE HIM

Answer 2

You don't have a choice. You are emotionally beat up because you are living a miserable life, your strength will come back amazingly fast once you take some real action to take your life back. Don't stand up to him right away, I don't know what your living situation is but either pack his stuff of you go stay with a friend or family member until you gather some strength then deal with him. That way you can leave when he isn't home with a note that says simply I'm not putting up with this crap, leave me alone, I'll be back to get my stuff. If its your place pack it, put it outside and change the locks while he's 'out' all night. You really will be surprised at how quickly you will feel like 1000 pd. weight has been lifted once you make a move.

Answer 3

Girl let me tell you. Life is too short to be myserable!! And trust, you will be dead waaaaay longer than you were ever alive. Why waste your precious life that God has blessed you with worrying about an obviously no good guy?? I know it hurts because no woman wants her marriage to end, but it is over already if he is staying out all night. We know he is not at bible study!!! I am not trying to be mean, I am just trying to state the facts. I was in a relationship for 17 years. We have 2 beautiful children. We were married for 10. He started doing the same crap your hubby is doing now and guess what. I got my $$ together and got me a u-haul. We had a beautiful home with a picket fence and a dog, but my sanity and me and my kids happiness was worth waaaay more to me than all that material stuff. Think of this too, how can your children be happy when mommy is always sad??? And I know it makes you sad. I know what the bible says about what God has put together let no man bring asunder. But sweetie, every couple that says "i do" God didn't not put together, sometimes we take matters into our own hands and we marry who WE want to marry no mattter how many ways God tries to show us and reveal to us who this person really is. And if he loved you he would not be leaving you distraught and by yourself all night. I remember the times..................... Well it's been a year and I thank God he gave me the courage to leave. I have a new fiance and he is wonderful. He opens doors, pulls out chairs, and brings flowers.......He's great with the kids too. See sometimes you can block your blessing that god is trying to give you because you have "trash" in the way. Now stand strong, and pray. Start being nice to him and planning our get away. Don't tell him you are leaving, Just let him keep doing what he is doing. My ex calls at least once a week begging for his family back, but honey I am so in love with someone else and it's funny now because when he had all of this goodness, he couldn't appreciate it, now someone else is......and my fiance thanks him so much for letting me get away!! LOL I pray that God grants you the courage to change the things you can, the serenity to accept the things you can't but the wisdom to know the difference. Good luck, life is too precious to waste. And it's an insult to God not to value yourself and the life he blessed you with. He put us here to have happiness not sorrow........

Answer 4

Tell him its hurting you, tell him you love him but the pain he is causing you is not worth it. The thing about relationships is that no one really gets it right, everyone has some type of difference in the way we see things and though to any human being this is wrong of him, you need to tell him its wrong and tell him that you can do better, because you can. You know that you loveor loved him and its so tough to leave someone after that much time together. Women, the greatest thing about a woman is that women want to work on things and men just want to up and leave a heated moment because we get so mad if we are wrong, at least some of us do. You have been putting up with it enough and its time for you to leave. Go stay at a friends house for some time first and as it gets a little easier make a move to put yourself farther from him. The first thing you need to do though is that You need to have a mind set that you are going to leave. Not you have to leave, or you want to leave, tell yourself you are going to leave. That is the first step. I hope you find peace in your heart and you see your life is so much more and so beautiful with the ugliness of evil out of it. Kick him out of your life or just leave his. You can do it. You are strong. Good luck

Answer 5

You do have a choice. Are you going to be a doormat and live an unhappy life or are you going to stand up for yourself and do what you know you have to do?
Are you going to let this man cheat on you and make a mockery of your marriage and hurt you constantly while you just sit and take it and cry "please do the right thing"? Honey I know what it is like to have to try and live without the man you love but if this man is treating you as you have described you know that you must leave him for the sake of your own self and soul. Just thank God that there are no children envolved to be hurt along with you.

In plain English, Girl, GET OUT NOW. What are you waiting for? He is not going to admit anything as long as you do nothin about it. He is not going to stop cheating You cannot build a marriage and a life on such shaky basis and to try and start a family is begging for heartache and disaster. Cut your losses it is not going to get better. Go while you have the chance to make a new start. I know you love him but you should love you more.

Answer 6

Well, I know where you are coming from I was there to three years ago and I still cry at night but tears heal a broken heart and I still wonder what was so wrong with me. I'm sure thats one of the questions on you mind right. Well,the question you need to ask you your self do you want something you can't get rid of like aids. You are better than that and you deseve better. I know it hurts like nothing else. He just dosen't understand that he can't have his cake and eat it to. but whats good for the goose is always good for the gander. So if he is not home now and you have it peged to what time he comes home. go put on something you know you can turn heads in put on some make up and shake what your mama gave. call a friend and turn some heads and make sure your smile beams like no other and open that menu you don't have to touch but no one said you could not talk to. Make him scatch his head and wonder and if you get accused you know he is cheating. If he uses a tone when he ask you than you can. going out and opening the menu will give you the strength to stand up and after wards you can let your tears out and find some one who will treat you like a QUEEN you deserve that.I wish nothing but the best for you and I wish you didn't have to go threw what you are. Its hard and I know you haven't slept much. But, it will get better if you leave but only you are abbsolutly positively sure he is cheeting you need to be sure and what I told you to do you will know.Good Luck!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Try counseling. If that doesn't work, I'd give him an ultimatum. If he can't work it out, or atleast TALK it out ... maybe he was never a keeper in the first place. You could always look at it from the children's best interest, too. It's not always BEST that they're with both parents if the parents are unhappy. Been there, done that. You just have to realize that you have the right to happy. You have the right for your HUSBAND to be devoted to only you. You have the right to a happily functioning family. You have the right to do things your way, or the highway. Take advantage of atleast ONE of these rights ... and you'll be on your way. Good luck!

Answer 8

You sound exactly like me..well not 10 years though ..wow..I think he married you just to have someone at home to do all his crap for him but he wants the other life too..mess around whenever he wants..he cant have both lives unless you allow it..i had the same problem with women calling and him not coming home..find out what hes doing..hire a private investigator..find out his phone bill account number and see who hes calling also..i found out exactly what my spouse was doing..i called the number up and the chick eventually told me exactly what bs was going on..the only reason he leaves when you guys get into an argument is because hes too scared to have the confrontation about the crap hes doing..he knows its wrong but just dont want to talk about it and face up to what hes doing..find stuff out and have evidence..that makes you look really good in court..and if you arent divorcing now just keep evidence for later and burn his a$$ when you do divorce..you never know..he may turn it around and want to divorce YOU later on..leave him with nothing..another comment..if you think somethings going on IT IS trust me..i always thought stuff was happening and turns out i was right..dont believe his lies..

Answer 9

It takes two people to make a marriage or relationship work. If only one person is working to make the relationship work, you may as well forget it. You need to somehow find the strength to get yourself out of this relationship. If you stay its going to be nothing but a downward spiral for you. You are better off alone than putting up with that crap. He behaves like a spoiled, selfish, uncaring child. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself out of this degrading situation. Can you stay with a family member? Find yourself an apt.? Talk to a mental health therapist? Pray to the Lord to give you the strength and courage to deal with this. Good Luck.

Answer 10

You do have a choice. You can file for a legal seperation. That way, financially you would not go under. Then wait it out. If you do not want to divorce. However, I would disconnect from him and not chase him. Sit tight. If he really loves you he will come home. If not then it would be better if you went forward with the divorce. However, act unavailable, it is hard but remember men like a chase. But, know that you may be in for a long wait. Good Luck.

Answer 11

How can you still want your marriage to work....he's having an AFFAIR!! get outta the relationship straight away! you deserve better! once a cheater always a cheater...he obviously doesn't care as much for you or the relationship...leave him and get your half of everything...it will be hard but you will get through it! Start a new life...it will get easier with time and you will find the perfect man who will treat u good and never think to hurt you like your husband did. good luck! :)