Am i overeacting?

Question

the first 2 years we were together I completely, fully trusted my wife. I'd keep $50 out of my check and give the rest to her for the bills and whatever. She acted totally head over heals in love with me, sex was awesome. Then accidently one day i find out she has her own checkings account, her own storeage room and a p.o. box to send all paper work to so i wouldn't find out. This started about 3 weeks after we got married apperantly. I was devastated that shes had 1 foot out the door the whole time we were together. My mom said "so whats the big deal?" It is a huge deal to me ......should it be?

Answer 1

Wow, my heart goes out to you. I'm afraid I'm going to have to go against your mom and say this is a REALLY HUGE DEAL. Deal breaker if you ask me. It doesn't make any sense unless she's been playing you all along. Did you ask her why all the secret stuff (checking account, po box, storage)? Even if you did, I can't imagine any sort of logical explanation. Marriage doesn't work that way. I've heard of the his and hers accounts, but typically both spouses know about it and they are okay with it. Does she have her own job? Or is this all your money? Are the bills being paid? I know I shouldn't be asking the questions when you are seeking advice, but I'm truly baffled. And I'm shocked that your mom thinks this is ok.

The only thing I could see you possibly over reacting about is her leaving. You mentioned that she had one foot out the door. If you were happy, sex was great and nothing was wrong, I'm not sure I'd lean towards that idea. But I would be questioning the rest of it and demanding some pretty good answers. You are her husband. Spouses are suppose to trust each other, not hide things from one another. I'm sorry honey, I hope this works out for you. If it's not what it seems, I would make one suggestion for future reference...sit down with her once a week and do the bills together. That way you can see where the money is going. I would hate to see her leave you high and dry if she does have a hidden agenda.

Answer 2

All depends. Why does she have the PO Box? Does she have a business or is she getting love letters? If what she is doing is not to hide infidelety why are you so upset. so you give her all the money to pay the bills, you are supposed to do that. You might be unaware of this but women have always kept "mad money" of some type some kept in jars or cans in the house some kept in bank accounts. when the check is a bit short of the bills she can go into the fund and make ends meet. She needs some money to look good for you, Hair do and pedicures ect do not just grow on trees and what woman wants to have to ask for the money to purchase feminine supplies each month. Get over it and relax, unless she is saving for a get-a-way or running a mail order porn business staring herself you don't have anything to worry about so stop stressing.

Answer 3

"Should it be?" Why are you second guessing yourself? You said it is a huge deal" to you. That is all that really matters====how it sits with you. The fact that she has her own checking account is nothing, but why she would feel the need to hide it is something else. The storage shed? What's that about? And then there's the p.o. box. Yeah. Its like she's got one foot out the door. I would confront her with this and tell her how hurtful this is to you. It sounds like she has some serious trust issues or other unresolved issues.

Answer 4

Definitely gives a whole new meaning to the word "saving for a rainy day". I can understand where you're coming from. It's a principle of trust on her part, although you're propably more upset about the fact that she "hid" it from you than the actual crime itself (if it can even be called that... lol). The best thing to do in this case would be to let her in on this concern of yours. You let her know that you know about it and demand some honest answers. While I could totally understand about her having her own checking account...the storage room and p.o. box address are certainly questionable. So, to answer your question: Yes, it can be a big deal depending on her motivations for having them.

Answer 5

There is more than just 'one foot out the door' going on here. What could she possibly need a storage place for and PO Box! There is a lot going on behind your back. A separate checking account is rude and stealing and the rest, that's just plain scary in a marriage.
If you think this marriage is still viable, I would get counseling with or without her so you can keep a grip on reality while your head is spinning.

Answer 6

That would be a big deal to me too pal.

My first wife did the same thing, and my second wife was discussing with her cousin 'who gets the house when we split'

We think our own little woman is so special, but they're all the same really.

Answer 7

How many years have you been together?
Anyway, it's a big deal. It's wrong, it's deceitful, it's huge! You need to go over with her the greater points of a 'marriage' contract.
The law is on your side in this...it's a bad, bad, bad thing. Go see an attorney.

Answer 8

as a women, could see myself doing the same thing. the problem with marriage is that women are still in a sence supposed to be taken care of, but in the end.. if there is a divorce we get nothing. its nice to know you have stability outside waiting for you in the long run "incase" something happens.

unless there is some other reason for her doing this that your not stating, give her that option to be stable on her own, with a little of your help.

Answer 9

It depends on what she's hiding. You'll be able to judge better if you find out. Sounds like a pretty big secret to me, unless she plans on buying you a better house with the money. I'd get a private investigator, I think.

Answer 10

it would be a huge deal to me. love means trust and obviously she dont trust you. does she know that you know? she should have told you i mean, if i were in your shoes i would think she was planning something. think about how much money you make and how much the bills are. maybe the money that is left she is keeping for herself. the questions just keep going. i would talk to her and tell her that she better have a good excuse.