Am i right for comforting husband, or was i wrong?

Question

I am going through a tough time with trying to understand my husband. He disciplines our boys differently than I. He gets sort of rough with them when he spanks them and says the corner is out of the question that it doesn't work, only wuppings work. My husband has left some bruises before and seems very angery when getting on to them. So when he gets to angry or upset and gets rough when he wuppes them, example: after spanking our 6 yr. old he shoved him of the bed but didn't leave any marks, but he said he only done it to make him get of the bed. I step in because i see it has treating a child incorrectly. When i step in he tells me to butt out, not to tell him how to discipline the boys. That if i keep over minding him he will divorce me. Am i wrong for being concerned and stepping in or his he wrong and just to stubborn to understand and rather do things his way. What do you thing about this situation?

when i do confort him about how he disciplines the boys he either tells me not to put myself in a man's position, he'll pound me through the floor, but has never done that. OR, like the last time he crabbed me by my neck and put me against the refrigerator, but didn't squeeze hard enough to choke me or leave marks

Answer 1

Now it could have been said that you percieve things differently as you are the Momma and being overly sensitive. But upon reading this further this is not the case. He put divorcing you on the plate. This is not the sign of someone who loves and cares for their partner and listens to what they say. This is the sign of a very angry person who must control all of those around them as inside they feel no control. You have a choice, stay around and have your kids scarred for life, they will continue the cycle when they have kids as the case is here and deal with the consequences when they are teens. Imagine how they will act after years of this. When they are big enough to stand up to him he will turn his anger to you. First solicit the advice of someone who has a normal family life. They will tell you this is all wrong! Then leave as your husband will not change. The only chance he has is to maybe realize that he has lost everything and needs to change and not take his life for granted. Feel you can't leave? There is always someone to help with this. You owe it to the sanity of you and your kids to follow through with this.

Answer 2

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine her name is Gloria. Gloria married the love of her life after only knowing him for 3 months. They married shortly after she became pregnant. Neither Gloria nor her husband were ready to be married but decided that was best for their baby and family to grow. To better understand this story you must also know that Gloria had a 2 year old son at the time of their marriage to which her husband proudly raised as his own. The whole time they were married Gloria felt as though he husband had been way too rough on their children especially her son.To make a long story short after 13 years of an untrusting, unhealthy, and very disfunctional marriage the husband decided that he no longer wanted to be married. However since being together for 13 years Gloria had no one else to turn to he was all she knew. One day she conspired with her family and her son to murder her husband and all were happy to be rid of him. One year later she nor any other member of her family was convicted of the murder they got away scott free. Now how do you feel about your husband. Yes it's true no one should be able to abuse a child but there is a thing called tough love.

Answer 3

I believe the word you wanted was 'confront', not 'comfort'...that being said, no you are not wrong to do so. I do believe in spanking but if he is spanking to the point where he is leaving bruises then he is going overboard. Yes he is their father but you are their mother and their discipline is just as much your business as it is his. And if he is threatening to hit you, then it is only a matter of time before he actually does. I think the two of you need to see a counselor, especially if he is using the threat of divorce to manipulate you.

Answer 4

There is a very fine line between discipline and abuse...if at anytime your husbands leaves marks and brusies on your child...he HAS crossed that line...there are other ways to dicipline a child with out it being physical...tell your husband if at anytime he feels the urge to "wupping" your child...ask him to step away from the child and breathe...then try TALKING with the child.
What good is his way of disciplining if hes having to give a "wupping" more then once??..
NO your NOT wrong for being concerned and steeping in...tho try tackling him next time.......Good Luck!

Answer 5

You want the best for you children. It sounds like he is taking things out on them . I belive in spanking, but not to the point where there are bruses and they are really hurt. I would step in my self. Tell him to lesson up hurting the kids or you are going to make him leave. Some times he might get carried away becaue he is thinking about something else. Someone might call child services , do you want to lose your children. Kids are kids, but there is a limit. Good Luck Pem

Answer 6

Your husband is an abuser....if he even threatened you it's verbal abuse....If you continue to allow him to abuse your kids you are in for a surprise...eventually someone will notice the bruises....since they are school age this abuse may be reported to Child Protective Services and you and your husband will be investigated for child abuse....he could end up doing some serious prison time....so the next time he tried to get rough remind him of this and if he threatens divorce tell him that it's fine with you but does he want that divorce before or after he goes to prison.

Answer 7

kids are even more likely to rebel to your husband's demands the more demanding he gets himself. weren't you like that yourself when you were a kid? and all your husband is doing is just trying to get them to learn and listen to him. so the more he hits and "whoops" the kids, the more stubborn and rebeling the kids will be. catch 22. the best way to discipline a child is to be stern and firm with your voice, not physically demand.

but what is wrong is that you didn't step in sooner. what he is doing is completely wrong. even if he doesn't leave any bruises on the kids, doesn't mean that he is not physically harming them. what if he steps over the boundaries and shoves them so hard that they may not have any external injuries, but ends up bleeding internally? you are not wrong for stepping in his way from harming the boys. if it gets so severe and teacher or a neighbour finds out unexpectedly, child protective services may end up taking the boys away not from just their father, but from you too.

Answer 8

He really needs ager management classes. One of these times he will hurt one of the children bad and yourself as well. I think if he does this often you need to get out of your situation that you are in, and get to a safer envirement where you and the children will be safe. Don't tell him where you are or he will just make promises that he will never do it again. Just get out while you can. It will not get any better. This reminds me of the movie The Burning Bed. I wish you all the luck. Just think about it. but don't take to long. God be with you and your children.

Answer 9

I think you meant confront, not comfort.

Your first duty is to protect your babies. Besides the physical abuse, he is doing irrepairable damage to your boys emotionally. You were 100% right to confront him, but furthermore this man is a child abuser and it is not safe for your boys to live with him.

Get out of there. Your boys deserve better and so do you.

Answer 10

Your Children should ALWAYS come first- let him divorce you- you get to keep, house, kids and he has to pay child support- call police next time it happens- so you have it on record- if you don't stop it now- then You might lose your kids for not stopping it, especailly if someone reports them to DCF-