How do you be honest and at the same time not hurting others feeling?

Question

I always find difficulties communicating with people because i tend to hurt someone feelings without even realising it. It's hard. I cant be to blunt nor too honest. People tend to dislike me for being too blunt. I am so confused.

Answer 1

it is OK to shut up
that is not being dishonest, it is shutting up.
It takes a wise person to know when to shut up

Answer 2

Don't mistake honesty with being tacky. You know if you are giving a true opinion that is worth conversation or if you one of the people where whatever comes up comes out. I'll assume you are young and as you mature you'll find a better way of speaking to those you care about , if you really value their feelings.

If there were two of you, exactly like you, would you want to be your own blunt best friend?

Answer 3

If you feel that you must make a point to someone about something you disagree with or think is just wrong,

Then you tell them the story of your Friend.

Of course there is no actual Friend, However this Friend seems to be making exactly the same errors as the person you are telling the story to. By using the " Friend " as your target, You can relate your feelings ( good or bad ) about a certain behavior that you don't like without directly confronting the actual Friend.

Answer 4

I know how that is - especially when people ask for your honest opinion about personal things. Like for instance, if someone asks you if their outfit is ugly, and it is, then say something like;

"well its not exactly my favorite thing on you... try this or blue instead of the green."

You just have to be honest but dont be over bearing. Be sweet and kind and try not to hurt any feelings. Just make sure you dont say something like yeah, its ugly or ewww or something rude. lol. Good luck and try to appreciate others' feelings without being rude or a wussy. Sometimes its hard to draw the line! lol

Answer 5

Just be tactful. If you can sincerely do so, give them a genuine compliment first (this does not work with those you dislike severely as the sincere part is harder)

Learn to say what needs to be with as many gentle words as you can. In other words, in this instance brief is not ALWAYS the better option. The best option is be EMPATHETIC, think: would I want someone to be harsh and overly critical or hurtfully blunt toward me about such a sensitive subject? Sometimes thinking not as you would feel, but as you would feel IF YOU WERE THE OTHER PERSON, is what it takes...empathy as they say is their (that other person) in your heart.

Try a bit of empathy, tact and genuine kindness as it goes a long way toward something negative being addressed as positively as is possible.
JUST REMEMBER this is NOT GOING TO WORK in every situation, all the time, but 99% it's the BEST way to handle things.

Answer 6

"Suzy says you're a total b*itch and hates your guts and is SO over you and doesn't want to hang out any more."

Or,

"Suzy has said she finds you to be very critical of her looks and lifestyle, and that's why, in my view, she doesn't return your calls anymore, and I DO get the feeling that she'd rather not see you as a friend anymore. Maybe you should consider that and speak with her now that you've heard her views through a third party?"

Which would YOU rather hear? Really and truly, which says it but says it in a way that extends the possibility of change and healing and continued good faith? That's what diplomacy is all about, and some of the best diplomats actually help to resolve differences between parties. The trick is to try to be diplomatic in person.

So, in my line of work :

"You're pretty fat -- you need to lose that weight!"

Or,

"Your bodyfat is considered by some authorites as a possible health risk, but I am completely confident in your ability to use that stored energy in a safe and controlled way and help you reach your goal."

It's all about the FORM of the message...

:)

Answer 7

If people get offended, it's their problem. Being honest can be good and attracts a certain type of person who can actually admit that they are that way or just accept that you like to voice your opinion.

On the other hand, it's sometimes better not to say anything so try to control it whenever you get the desire to be blunt because you just need to remember that unless you think you can help the other person, don't say anything.

Answer 8

There are ways of telling people harsh things without sounding harsh. I find it's easier to start out with a compliment and then surgar coat the truth.

IE: I must say I am very impressed with the proposal. You've put a great amount of detail into the XYZ section and I think the client will adore it. I think we can make a few tweaks to make it even better...blah blah blah...(kindly discuss the changes you would like)...etc etc

Answer 9

Only by compromising yourself and not telling the truth. Unfortunately, the truth hurts sometimes and/or is ugly. You can't always be honest and not hurt others' feelings. All you can do is accept that fact and apologize immediately afterwards for telling the ugly truth. USUALLY after people have had an opportunity to think about what you've said, they let the hurt go and are appreciative.

Answer 10

pre-face your answer like I do, as I am horribly blunt and rude.
Party A asks: Can I ask you an honest question,
You should state, Only if you're ready for an honest answer, or similair.
If Party A asks what you mean, tell them don't start bawlin' if you don't like the answer.

Answer 11

Blunt = Being Honest
If someone cant handle the truth knowing you had no intentions on hurting their feelings,then they have issues within themselves.
If a person would rather you lie to them,then they are not much of a person and you should distance yourself from them.
Being BLUNT is cool! lol