Should I give my ex-husbands new wife a word of advice?

Question

I was married to to an abusive man. I have two children with him. He married 2 years ago, they have been separated for the past year. He also abused this woman. He moved to another state last year, and she did not go with him. Of course he is the same abusive bastard.. I feel so bad for her. She is leaving her job that she has had for some time and taking her child with her, not his. She appears to be a nice person but I know very "sick" , so was I. I saw her today,her spirit looks like she is hurting. I know it is not going to work. I hope no one gets hurt. I did it for 6 long years, hoping he would get better. I am not hating. I do despise him. Just a woman that knows the truth and wants he rto be careful. I will continue to pray. should I say something to her? she leaves friday

Answer 1

If it makes you feel better go for it. Keep it simple and keep in mind it probably won't do any good. I am sure people tried to tell you too when you were with him, if you can't think of any, it is because you were not ready to hear them.

Answer 2

Yes absolutely, she may not listen but perhaps will face the truth about him sooner and not hope he will change. Perhaps she will do the responsible thing for her child and not go, point out to her how horrible it will be for her child to see her being hurt. The childs father could also prevent her from leaving, especially if the child is being taken in to an abusive home. Good luck, at least you will know that you tried so that if something does happen to her you won't regret not having tried. I think once you approach her and she realizes you aren't just a vindictive ex and its her welfare you are trying to look out for she will hear you.

Answer 3

Definetley !! Tell her ASAP! She deserves to know the truth.
Tell her it is all HIS problem. Not her. She didn't make him do
whatever he did to her. There is NO EXCUSE for being
abusive. None. Tell her this. It will ease her mind some and
maybe make her feel better about herself. Because abusers
take away ur self-esteem. They beat u down so much that a
woman believes her value is little. That is not true. Ask her
if she wants to talk with u about it......Being a friend to some
one in need, is a noble cause. Good Luck....

Answer 4

If she wants to talk to you, I would tell her the truth, about how he was to you., abusive etc. Tell her you just wanted her to know so she can really thing about leaving. Since she has a good job etc, she probly better staying there and filling for a divorce. He is not going to change ,unless he go's seeks some help. Aggressive Management classes, might help. She has her own child to think of and better really think twice. You just wanted to warn her . , you trying to be friends. Good luck Pem

Answer 5

Wow ! Well, if she has been married to him for two years, but has been separated for the past year, she is most likely aware of how he is already.
Woman to woman , I would " give her advice ". That's just what we women do ! We try to protect each other. And, what have you got to lose? You're out of the situation! Just don't put yourself in any kind of danger. If she tells him that you warned her of him, he may want to retaliate. So, just be careful with your words so nothing will come back to haunt you.

Answer 6

Unless comforting her in her time of trouble there is probably little you could say. She has learned and correcting her situation. If she's hurting inside and not physically, then that is something she'll have to work through.
If you feel the need to say what you need to say- go ahead, as long as it's not something that will make her hurt anymore.
Glad you got away from him and that's probably what she needs to do right now.
Take care, God bless and I'll keep you and her in my prayers.

Answer 7

u r one of the good ones yes talk to her tell her of youre life with him maybe she will do something before he hurts her or the kids, dont wait take her out for lunch and have a heart 2 heart woman 2 woman talk she might listen i'll pray for her

Answer 8

Your saying something to her will only make you feel better. She will not believe you. She is in denial, and nothing you say will crack through the wall of hope that she is clinging to, that things will change. Unfortunately, this is one of those times that no matter what you know, no matter what you tell her, nothing will make her see him for what he really is. Only when she is ready to see him, will she really see him. She will wake up one day, but today is not that day.
I know that you probably are wanting to say something to her out of real concern for her, but it will do no good.

Answer 9

Yes... It's clear that you've both been wronged. It might be just what she needs... to have someone to talk to that knows the very intimacy of that kind of relationship. Even if she rejects you, you will have done the decent and noble thing. Who knows... a great friendship might blossom from this.

Answer 10

Yes! You should say something to her. You should do all you can to keep her from being with him. You definitely need to know you did all you could to help her if she doesn't listen to and ends up getting hurt real bad or worse. It's ok to try to help someone if it doesn't do anything. It's also ok to try to help if it keeps you from feeling guilt. Sometimes people don't think enough about themselves. It's ok to things for yourself. That's probably why she's staying with him, and probably why you stayed with him for so long. She isn't and you didn't think about yourselves enough.