how do you pick up the pieces from a divorce?

Question

I am a single mom now and I feel used and don't see how I will seem attractive to men when I am ready to date again. Anyone been there done this?

Answer 1

Don't focus on any other relationship except the one you have with yourself and perhaps your kids.

Heal yourself emotionally and physically -- don't involve yourself with a man and all that goes along with that.

Answer 2

Well, I went thru a bad divorce and know what it's like. My ex-wife actually kidnapped my 2 children and left the country 3 years ago. I wondered also how I could pick up the pieces. It was very hard but I have a supportive family and good friends that helped me thru the rough times. It's still very hard not having any contact with my children and it's hard to deal with...but I have close friends I can talk with when I'm in need. And don't worry about not being attractive. Beauty is only skin deep. There are plenty of men that would love to have a trustworthy, loving, caring woman whom is also a single Mom.

Answer 3

Been there and done that. I was divorced at 23 after my cheating husband had an affair. I had 2 little kids (a 3 yr old and a 14 month old)
Just realize you are beautiful and do not need a man to define who you are. Men can be dogs and they will use you and abuse you. Especially since you have kids. They somehow get the idea you are cheap and easy.
Set your standards, and stick by them. Dont allow the men you date around your kids unless you have a long term committment. They all come up with this story about how much they love your children, but its a lie. they are just trying to get in your pants.
I could go on and on. My kids are now 18 and 21 yrs old. I am still single.

Answer 4

Well, it's usually a long road to feeling "normal" again. Remember to focus on your kid(s), work, and your own mental health. Staying busy will help if you're still emotionally hurt, but it doesn't take all the pain away. Time does that.

If your kid(s) are old enough to understand, they're hurting more than you know. Stick with them. Take time to be with them, and make sure they know the divorce was for the best, but it doesn't affect the way you feel about them.

If your ex was any good as a father, let him see the kids often too. Your kids deserve to see both parents when they can. This isn't their fault, it shouldn't be taken out on them. They need both of you to get through this.

Dating is for down the road from now. Worry about that later. Right now you have a job to do. Be a Mom. Be a good one.

And good luck.

Answer 5

Oh, yes. I was widowed with a 1 year old; remarried too soon (a "do-over"). Pregnant in six months, divorced by the time our son was a year old. Remarried six years later to a man I'd known for 3 years, but who unfortunately turned out to be a raging control freak (like I didn't have a clue, right?). Stayed married for 10 years but separated after 7 because he was cruel to my children. Oh, yes. Another son. The point? I never had any trouble finding men to go out with or marry, even as a single mom with kids. My second husband was five years younger than me, and my third was 11 years younger, so age wasn't a factor. Just be careful who you pick, since you have your child/children to think of. I will always regret my choices for step parents for my kids. Now I'm happy being single, have no desire to get married again.

Answer 6

I've been a single mom for almost a year (my daughter is 2 years old). I felt the same way. I feel like so much of my life was wasted....life everything was just ripped away. You need to learn to love yourself again before you can start a new relationship. It took me months to get to that point. In fact, I hated men and wanted nothing to do with them. I've now been dating a really great guy for the past 4 months and everything is going great. My life is happy again. It takes time to heal from a past relationship, but you just need to be strong and you'll get through it : )

Answer 7

Ive been there at age 40.My x was with 20 yr olds.I had my 10 yr old son with me and no support.You will get thru this!It will take time to heal ,could take 2 yrs .But you have your kids and focus on them they will grow so fast.Do all the things you need to for your kids .You can come later .You dont need a man anyway right now just get the kids happy and you will be too! Thts what I did and didnt date for 4 yrs.I married when my son was 18 and off to college and so proud how I put my energy in him instead of men .Dateing screws up kids its emotional when they see you upset with a guy ect.Be a mom raise your kids first then play! hand in there!

Answer 8

Please do not call yourself a "single" mom. You are a divorcee. A single mom is a female that got pregnant out of wedlock and never married the father of the child. Otherwise called a s*l*u*t. Don't put yourself in the same category. As for your question. Why are you thinking about hooking another man so soon? You should take a look at yourself and make yourself a stronger person and not look to a man to make you whole.

Answer 9

Pray and trust in whomever your God happens to be. Have faith and hope. It is the only thing that will get you through. Work on yourself and enjoy your child(ren). Don't worry about being attractive to men, you will find, if you want to marry again, there is someone for you and that person will not come until you are ready. Instead of trying to meet the person, prepare yourself for him to come into your life by being your best. Achieve the goals you forgot about when you got married and enjoy your time solo as part of your journey, it will be over before you know it.

Answer 10

Absolutely, just give it time, it's not easy but you'll be ok, in fact it's good to take some time to get you back before getting into another relationship... I really started liking myself then it was hard for me to think of marriage again... I just got married 3 weeks ago, but I have been single for 11 years after my divorce... I still like being single, so now I know if something was to happen again, I would be ok.... and you will too, I promise... Good luck...

Answer 11

Just remember not to bash yourself when things don't seem to go the way you want them to. If you do, then you'll just feel even less attrative than you actually are. Remember also to take care of your kids. Maybe even keeping more of your attention focused on your children will help you to move on a little faster. They may need you more than you know at this time. It's difficult going through a divorce, and I'm sure the kids are upset about it as much as you are.