does anyone here staying on marriage just for the sake of your kids?

Question

you have an adorable and smart daughter who adores both of you so much. she loves this family.
you have a wonderful family and friends who think you've found the right man and live happily. however, the marriage is not what it seems to be. you settled with your husband but you think you no longer love him cos you both incompatible and argue a lot. nothing helps! you just stay and hold on as long as you possibly can cos you can't make decision right now. you're so confused. perhaps you both could be better as time moves on or maybe will get divorce one day. you completely have no idea!

Your husband is a family man who is responsible and cares about his family. you too! but you both have nothing in common, both temperamental, argue.. argue and only argue.
we try everything to work out this realtionship but things never get any better.

he is not gambling, drinking and beating. he is a good guy but it's just something is missing. i know many of you suggest divorce but if i knew it was something i wanna do now..? i would have divorced him. i just don't know what shud i do. i am confused. that's it.

Answer 1

wer on d same boat.only u cn dcide..i stay because my kids are better off with him around.hes a good provider..ur even luckier than me.my husband is a monster, verbally abusive and looks like a devil when he gets real mad.and for the 2 yrs and 4 mos now we only had sex twice..wat i mean is, sometimes we need to sacrifice for our kids..

Answer 2

Meggie, girlfriend I truly know how you feel and where you are coming from. My situation is lots different though. I too am ready to call it quit's,no kids though Thank God. I do have two cats and people are not willing to let you into their home with cats. They have been Declawed so they never get to go outside, only to the vet and that's in a car carrier. I may could find a place for my male cat that is about 9 months old(just until I could find somewhere to call home, but I also have a 13 year old cat witch makes her 91 she's no longer healthy infact we were at the vet today and was scared they would want to put her down. I have cried for days, but she got a shot and some medicine I have to give her daily. When I got her 13 yrs ago she fit in the palm of my hand with room left over, taken away from her mom and abandoned . She's only had me...I'm her MOM she would greave herself to death. Although our stories are very different, they are much the same. Staying in a relationship for the kids doesn't really help them any and if the have to hear the 2 of you argue all the time then that is making things worse. They will ajust to the divided home, they would still have you both just not at the same time. It's hard to walk out on someone you love, but with myself I know that if I stay much longer then I may really dislike him strongly. I think I'd rather leave loving him than risk hating him. My husband does not trust me yet I have never give him a reason not to, he's still living in the past in his mind and I'm having to pay for the things his X"S has done to him. My husband checks my pone almost daily to see call in and out. He calls me all during the day to find out where I am and what I'm doing, who I've talked to etc.! He doesn't even like me to go to the grocery store alone and Wal-Mart, well he hates when I have to go there. Sometimes I see his phone left charging here at home and I think YEA he can't call me every 15 or 20 minutes. I don't know if this helps you in anyway or even if I've answered any questions for you, but from one who is tired of the fusing and fighting to another I truly wish you the best of luck in whatever you do.

Answer 3

Look, you can not break up a marriage and NOT harm your children. I know for a fact. In many ways, I know. However, if you think you can stop arguing long enough to talk to one another reasonably about the truth of the quality of the relationship, you may then be able to choose to resolve or dissolve. Staying together for the baby is only useful if you both agree to certain terms. And parting ways, for your own sakes and for your sanity and, hopefully, for a still fulfilling life for your child, takes balls as well. AND COMPROMISE!! Hell, even marriage takes compromise. Try to work it out. Try to remember why you got together in the first place. If you can't find your way back, seek professional help. You need someone that is NOT a party to the situation to help you sort thru the mess and make a decision ALL of you can live with...period.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Staying together "for the children" is almost always going to be a mistake...if you don't think kids aren't perceptive enough to know when things are swell at home, think again...

People who stay together for the kids not only do a disservice to themselves but to their kids as well...kids are resilient, they can recover from divorce often easier than the parents do...and in the long run, they do better if the parents are apart and happier people, than together and bickering all the time...living in a house full of tension isn't pleasant...

This life is too short...if you both know you're not a good match, then why waste time staying together when you could each be happily single or with someone who would be a good match? Doesn't make sense to me...

Answer 5

Play out the scenario if you divorce? Do you think things will get better. Sometimes they get worse. No one is going to treat your children like their own father does (if he is a good father). Then think of putting yourself back out there into the dating thing again. Trying to find some one who will accept both you and your children and do right by you. Are the things you argue about something that you do not even remember why the next day. Have you tries going to a marriage counselor. Will things be better if you divorce and your husband marries some one else then wants custody of the children? Think of all the options and go seek couseling..

Answer 6

I am almost in the same situation as you once we got our baby but not to come to the point that we want a divorce. It's just different relationship now than before. I think I know the solution to our problems. We have to re-kindle our relationship with our spouse. Communication is tkey factor here and it's not just communication. It has to be a better communication which sometimes a challenge to do when you are irritated and just talk in a judgemental way. Go out and spend more time together with your husband like when it was just the two of you.

Answer 7

I have the exact same problem the fighting will not stop he is a good man no drinking or beating three kids and 9 years of marriage. I'm confused also my husband works 2 jobs I have a full time job. he is a great dad and I just want out their is something missing all right. God bless you

Answer 8

staying married because of the kids is never an excuse---seems to me that the kids might be keeping you and your husband from spending quality time together that is needed for you and him--i say get your folks or his folks or a babysitter you can trust to keep the kid(s) while you go out to dinner and a movie or a walk--
dont sit there and type in that you arent compatable anymore---you r were compatable before--there was something that made you fall in love with him and him fall in love with you..you just need to be able togo out and get together alone more often---
arguing is part of loving one another--better to be open towards each other than hide itfrom one another---i think deep inside you still love him..just feel like you dont anymore--
on the other hand---after searching your feelings and you two get together alone--and this doesnt rekindle your love for one another then maybe a divorce is what you need to do---but last resort---husbands and wives every day have bad days and good days---thats what makes a marriage a marriage--excepting on another for who they are---
if you get a divorce dont expect him to just give up custody of your kid(s) because you are no longer happy--divorces can get ugly because of kids---
kids are wonderful----and they dont need the constant bitching and arguing going on that you say is going on---kids will become what they put up with-- i know this is true---myfolks did the same **** and now--my brothers and i constantly bicker---
so i say find out if the flame of your love is gone for him first--- if so get a divorce--plea no contest -you and him----you get your stuff he gets his--- and kids will be mutual--kids at age 13 can decide who they want in some states---

Answer 9

It happens more often than you think. If you are unhappy, be brave and do th eright thing. Ask for councelling, see if there is hope of a new beginning a fresh start with hubby. If that does not work out then it is better to divorce and move on. I know it is hard on the kids but isn't it hard on them if you both stayed in a unloving relationship. Do they hear you guys argue, do they sense the unhappiness in ur lives?

Answer 10

Beyond counselling; I don't think there's much you can do. Staying together for kids is admirable in some ways, but who is really benefiting? They are not seeing what true happiness is? And don't think that you are fooling them. They get older and figure it out. Having two happy homes is often better than one home that's not. It's an incredibly hard decision, but keep in mind that you only have one lifetime in which to be happy. What does your husband think? Or is he just going through the motions too?

Answer 11

Do you think your child will be any less distraught if you wait until she is 10? 15? 25???

The separation of parents will affect any child, but it is virtually always a temporary effect that will be soothed by the love and attention both parents sound like they are willing to give.

Ask yourself this as well... will my daughter learn what marriage and love are about from a mother and father that fail to teach with words and actions?