Is it abuse? Should I stay or should I go?

Question

Ok I've been in a lesbian relationship since I was 14 till now (20) With a wonderful lady, she's always been great to me and everyway, we had an increadable connection, never fought. I got cancer and she was there doing everything she could, more than expected, I asked her to leave me because I didnt feel it fair her doing this and not getting her needs met. she refused and insisted she wasnt building resentments. Well I got better and got raped at about the same time she was supportive when the rape came up but also very angery. Shortly afterwards she starts not wanting me to dress up or wear makeup, calls me stupid, gets agressive, not hurting but hitting out of anger hard but not hurting, she hates me spending time away from her, doesnt touch me and complains if I dont "touch" her every other day, she thinks my friends are brain washing me to think shes abusive, she finds every reason to not want me to hangout with them, but wont come out and say u cant see them, So is it abuse?

Answer 1

Yep, all the classic signs are there. Time for counseling sessions PRONTO. If she refuses, think about how you deserve to be treated in life. You are a survivor in many ways and deserve to be treated in a loving manner. Give her official notice in a direct manner that you will no longer tolerate name calling or hitting. If it occurs again, break up!

Answer 2

That is a very sad story. Sounds like she doesn't resent you. It sounds like she really loves you and doesn't want you to hurt anymore. I feel she is treating you this way because she is afraid of losing you. It is NOT healthy though. She has crossed over the boundaries and into a world of jealousy and control. I'm sorry for you and for her. But, I believe it won't get better... only worse. I'll pray for both of your happiness but, I fear you will have to move on. I would however talk with her about it first. She probably doesn't understand why exactly she is acting the way she is. Maybe if she did she wouldn't be acting out in such a way. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It is abuse. But you have to realize she has been through a lot with you. She also probably didn't have the opportunity to express her frustrations (your illness and rape). About the rape, your gf might be feeling some kind of violation of your relationship and I don't mean just the physical aspects of it but emotional as well. If you really want to work things out with her, perhaps you two can talk about this and allow her the space to express her feelings and frustration. If you feel you two need more help, perhaps seek the help of a therapist.
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

There is no excuse for physical or verbal abuse of another human being. Sounds to me like she is scared. She stayed with you during the cancer, then rape, now it's your friends. It's all signs of her losing control over you. This is not at all healthy in any relationship. You need to seek help before it's too late and she gets totally out of control in her fits of anger. If she won't go to counseling with you then you need to move on. No one should have to deal with that kind of relationship.

Answer 5

No question! It is physical and mental abuse. If they hit once they will hit again and it will only get worse. I have NEVER seen it stop or even get better.GET OUT NOW!!!! You could end up dead. It won't stop - it never does. Please leave when she's not there because if you try to leave when she's home the violence will escalate. If you don't have anywhere to go call a women's shelter. They will take you in any time of the day or night. Save your life and get the hell out of there NOW!!!

Answer 6

yes it is abusive and if the hitting dont hurt ur feeling is so u need to get help or leave

Answer 7

It sounds like its time for therapy or time to move on. Or both.