We've been married 32 years, the kids are gone, we fight all the time because I'm on her nerves. She tells me to get off her fuking back all the time. Had a fight tonight and she's in a motel room unless I want to talk and save the marriage. Otherwise, "she doesn't know what is going to happen next". Anyone want to chat and tell me WHY I should continue to salvage a relationship when it's always going downhill? It would be nice to talk to someone.
2006-08-14 15:46:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
32 yrs is a long time to just give up. Your kids are gone so now is the time you and your wife should be enjoying each other. Go to a counselor and learn how to communicate with each other. Good luck
2006-08-14 15:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by Izzy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You two have been together too long to just give up and say to hell with it. Give her a few days and then try to set down and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Ask her if she wants it to work. Do you want it to work? If so just tell her how much you love her and you want to salvage your marriage. If she cares at all she will listen. Thats all I can say except goodluck. I hope she is just going through a phase. Sometimes when you have all the kids at home it's a fuul time job and you guys probably forgot how you both were before the kids so you will have to get to know each other all over again. I think that would be so much fun. Well goodluck.
2006-08-14 16:02:35 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to talk about your problems to someone, you should make an appointment with a therapist. They'll charge you, but the focus will be on you! Do you want to save the marriage? Your wife just didn't walk out out of the blue and tell you she's leaving unless you change. Something is amiss...32 years is a long time to be with a woman that you have children with. There must be something driving her away. Perhaps you would consider counseling together if you two really want to keep it together. Otherwise, do yourself and her a favor and let it go.
2006-08-14 15:58:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried getting off her f***king back?
Seriously. This isn't a man/woman issue that I am trying to make. There are some spouses out there who always assume that their significant others can "improve."
They offer advice. They offer criticism. They plan. And, their plans often suggest how much easier their lives could be if "YOU could/would only..." It's just too hard for most of us to face the fact that a failing marriage is a two-way street. Blame yourself also.
Separating the differences between the expectations of the two sexes are possible. But, to understand, you would have to be willing in invest time and interest. Just telling her about your complaints will not cut it. And, her just spouting out complaints about you will not cut it.
The fact that the "kids are gone" has probably changed her life goals considerably. Have you attempted to have an honest talk with her about what she is expecting in this point of her life? Can you honestly say that you already know? Can you assume that you are capable of fulfilling her changing desires and dreams?
Lives change and marriages have to change. Both parties must be willing and able to discuss these changes. People change and so do the parameters of their relationships.
TALK TO HER
2006-08-14 20:15:27 · answer #4 · answered by buggeredmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a long time to be married. You should think of how and why you fell in love to begin with. You now have a perfect opportunity to be alone with her. You two can rediscover each other without worrying if the children in the next room will wake up. You don't have to worry if the kids have eaten dinner or cleaned up their rooms. Stop arguing and start laughing with each other. Leave little messages. Put a rose or a Hershey's kiss on the pillow before leaving for work. Be the first to calm down the argument.
2006-08-14 15:52:45 · answer #5 · answered by justthinking 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you two need some space. Do you work? Have hobbies away from the home? Sounds like you two need to take a few days away, and then sit down and talk about why you're really fighting. Maybe there are issues that neither of you have brought to the surface? Regardless, when you talk, make sure to do so when you are calm and collected, otherwise, you won't get anywhere.
2006-08-14 15:52:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I see no reason to split up...You didn't mention your ages but from how long you have been married I assume 50's ...Is your wife on hormone pills...She may be going thru menopause and this can wreak havoc on her as well as everyone around her...I hope this is the case because hormone pills will calm her down and she won't be so cranky ...Go talk to her ...Let her know you love her...Heck she has a motel room go take advantage of it.........On your way pick up some flowers or something for her
2006-08-14 16:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still in love with her and she with you? It could be a lot of anger that has built-up over the years. Couples don't always listen and relate in a healthy manner and then over time, resentments, frustration and anger begin to fester like a boil. Sounds like your marriage is at that point.
Therapy may help if you still want to have this woman as your wife. 32 years is a long time to throw away. I wish you the best.
2006-08-15 02:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
32 years ago this woman was the love of your life, somewhere along the line the 2 of you have stopped telling the truth, or you have took eachother for granted, when you deside to talk to her,again, do yourself and her a favor tell the truth, do what you say your gonna do, try harder. my guess is she is looking for that same love, or missing that love the 2 of you shared 32 years ago. think of it this way she could be at the funeral home,instead of the hotel, which would be easier for you to go to?
2006-08-14 15:55:47 · answer #9 · answered by theladylooking 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your jacket. Boy all the signs are there, she cheated, etc, etc. Why can't you see the pattern you in, don't you realize she is having an affair. Time to pack up and leave, get your peace of mind and move on. Nothing can save your marriage because only one of you is committed to it, and that's you.
2006-08-15 01:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by crafty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋