Today was Our 4th Childs 9th b-day and her Daddy sat on the couch while her sisters, brother and I sang "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to her ,fliping thru the freak'n channels and ignoring her.I realize he doesn't want to be part of the family so how would be the best way to show him the door with the least amount of stress on the children since he obviousely stopped caring years ago????
2006-08-14 15:09:15 · 13 answers · asked by ccwsbaby34 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Our children have told me for the last 3year they wish he would just go away and just recently they started saying this to his face.I have not stepped out on him nor have never undermind his Role as a parent .He constantly tells me I'm a sorry mother and an treat my like I'm nothing more than a servant.He quite a good paying job went to work with his brother doesn't even bring home half the pay he made at the previous job.It's even gotten to the point whereour two oldest children tell to do the house work himself since they go to high school full timeand he seems to barely have a part time job.THey even come to my defenceif they over her him riding my case or gets hotheaded toward me. I love them dearly and amire the fact that they stand up the I tel lthem That this is a matter That I have to handle and hope to resolve peacefully,
2006-08-16 19:25:08 · update #1
My bigest problem is getting a few hours away from him to find a job.The last job I lost because him and his faimily kept calling me and wanted to visit an chat with me while I was at work.Does any one out here know If there are Alabama Laws that could help protect me from being treated this way by him and his family.
2006-08-16 19:40:44 · update #2
get a divorce lawyer. the papers can be delivered to him at work or elsewhere by a process server. divorce is a "no fault" situation in most states. if you guys have been arguing for years, the kids can sense it. they are already stressed. i think it is pitiful for a father not to be involved, but i guess, so do you. good luck babe.
2006-08-14 15:23:12 · answer #1 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer for legal guidance, then file for divorce. Unless he wants to simply out of spite, he most likely won't contest custody, since he clearly doesn't want to be involved with the kids.
Make sure you let him know when the kids aren't around, so that they don't have to go through any argument or fight that might occur between the two of you. Then, talk to each of them, individually or as a group, and explain that you and their dad no longer want to be together. Don't tell them the reason, as that might make them feel caught in the middle or like they are at fault. Just let them know that your marriage is no longer working, and that you both love them and want to make this as easy for them as possible. Don't discuss his behavior problems with them, as that might make them feel even more like he doesn't care about them or like they are caught in between and have to defend him.
Be sure that when you do this, you have enough money to support your kids, since you will likely be the sole provider, or at least handle the majority of their needs from now on. Figure out how you are going to do this before you suddenly have to care for several kids on your own. If they are forced to change schools, move into a smaller house/apt or move to the other side of town, they will feel this change much more. If you need to, meet with a financial advisor to make sure this experience won't be any more traumatic for your kids than it already is.
Most importantly, make sure that you really want to "show him the door" before you do. It's good that you are putting your kids' needs first, but if you end up in a yo-yo relationship with their father, that will be even harder on them. If you are sure you don't want to deal with him anymore and are ready to cut all ties, do so, if not, perhaps counseling might be a good first step.
2006-08-14 22:30:42 · answer #2 · answered by aroybal854 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until the kids are in bed, then tell him you are obviously the only parent in the house, and he is just taking up space you could put to better use, and you think he should move out.
However if this is the ONLY time he's not paying attention to family things, maybe he just doesn't like the cutsie parties and stuff. Maybe it irritates him. Not everyone enjoys that sort of thing.
2006-08-14 22:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by arvecar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from one guys point of view, all your husband is doing right now is sucking down precious oxygen from your children and the stress factor that they may or may not already have is do to the fact that he still DOES live there.putting him on the road would probably be a relief to them! i' ve been there.don't give him any reason to stay there.make it miserable for him at home-take away whatever he requires there-cable, sex, food he craves.etc.he won't last long make him leave!
2006-08-19 17:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by phil m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make the best of it for now while the kids are young and still wanting him there for there will come a time that they will understand who and what "Daddy" really is and they will ask you not to invite him, but let it be their decision otherwise it will seem as if you tried to keep them and their "Daddy" from each other.
2006-08-14 22:24:12 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
men are an entirely different species than women. Did you ask him to participate? well if you really want to show him the door and he is that uninvolved then it shouldn't bet to hard on the kids to adjust. tell him privately that since he doesn't want to be part of the family and participate in the family life then he can go loiter elsewhere.
2006-08-14 22:16:46 · answer #6 · answered by rop mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is terrible that a father would not want to be part of her birthday. Those are special to children and they grow up fast so we should cherish them while they are young enough. I would talk with him and if he chooses to be this way I would give him the choice to leave or be part of the family. I would let it be his choice and if he chose to stay he needs to be the father he needs to be for them.
2006-08-14 22:17:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be depressed about something or just gave up on family life because it is hard work.
2006-08-19 16:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's a big deal. When that happened with me it wasn't easy but you are probably just going to have to break it to your kids softly because you don't want to stay with someone who doesn't even care.
2006-08-14 22:20:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A swift kick upside the head should knock some sense into him........
2006-08-14 22:43:13 · answer #10 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋