My family is having enough trouble accepting one of my cousins (technically second cousin), is not straight, so should just go on pretending to have no interest in either gender forever? Only person that knows the truth is my cousin, and she will not tell anyone...
2006-08-14 14:36:05 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
screw them, be yourself; it don't matter who knows and who don't know, it's none of theit business. Come out and let them deal with it in their own way.
2006-08-14 14:42:28 · answer #1 · answered by grumpyfiend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could go through all of life just doing what other people expect you to do. But that's not good for you, any more than it was good for me.
You don't mention your age ... it matters whether you're 10 or 35. It depends on whether you think that the storm would be too rough for you to handle. Since your cousin is out, if you were too, that'd be two of you. The more people are out, the better for all concerned.
Gay's not rare and not a disease. But pretending isn't rare. That's why a lot of people get upset about it. Because they have feelings they think they're not supposed to have. Then they point at other people and can feel better about themselves for a while. But it doesn't last - it's not real.
Get real.
2006-08-15 08:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by Luis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Nathan, I had a feeling when I answered your Q about your cousin. So, here's the thing. You are 14, right, not old enough to support yourself. You sound really bright and will be shortchanging yourself if you don't go to college. I'm guessing that is something you want, too. If it is, then that's the end goal to focus on for now. I don't mean wait until then to tell you parents, just do what you need to ensure you get the opportunity to go. Plan ahead. Make it a priority. It'll help clarify what the right decisions are on other things as well.
Okay, I think you need to stay in contact with your cousin. I also feel very strongly that you need to leave her out of your relationship with your parents. What you tell or don't tell them is about you and about them. It ends there. You can guage how they are adjusting to your cousin to give you an idea when would be the time to talk about yourself, but when you do, leave her out of it. You do not have to be anyone but you, but you also don't have to tell your folks everything about yourself either. Ideally, you can have a really open relationship with them, but if you are chancing getting kicked out of the house, you need to think it through. I don't know your situation on that, but you probably do.
You're in a tough place right now, but life does get easier. Try to relax on it, maybe decide to not think about talking to them for a month. Give yourself a little room to breathe. Also, see if there's a LGBT youth center in your area. A counselor would be a better resource than the Internet, and ya might make some friends. Just remember that your folks are regular flawed people. They'll come around eventually, but it might be a bit of a bumpy ride. Hang tight, don't lose yourself in this, there's nothing wrong with you.
2006-08-15 01:34:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you pretend it will make them more suss. I think that you need to be true to yourself. I fought it for over a decade. Back then I was going to church and just thought it wouldn't be right. Then I thought about how my parents talked about gays.
I dated guys for ages and just didn't feel anything -just wanted to keep the image up. I met a girl and that was it. I knew I had to be true to myself and to my family.
I was torn for about 6 months while they adjusted to the fact that I was a lesbian. I think they thought it was a passing phase but I have been with this girl for 3 years now.
I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I felt so happy with my girl but when I got home I knew I was going to be down again because of the way they were. Eventually they get over it. If they don't then it's their loss. You are their child and they should accept you no matter what - that is what family is for.
My second cousin is gay too.
2006-08-14 23:02:54 · answer #4 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why go on pretending anything because someone is going to have a hard time dealing with it? It's your life, not theirs, the sooner the better for you to tell everyone all about it. As a matter of fact, now IS better, let everyone deal at the same time about youself AND your cousin.
2006-08-15 09:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by buldawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This subject is very near to my heart. I guess you can keep hiding the fact, but you are going to become extremely frustrated. You'll know your parents very well but my advice is that they may already suspect. You could talk with your Mum initially and see how it goes.Of course they will be a bit shocked..a lot of folk have mixed feelings..they worry about you and the problems you'll face. They worry for themselves.
If you live in a small town then it may be that it would be a wise choice to move away to somewhere bigger eventually. Small towns, small minds..all that. Whatever you decide i wish you well.Take care.
2006-08-15 06:28:11 · answer #6 · answered by aliviel27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks but you may have to keep things quiet until you are in a position to deal with the worst realistic reaction. How old are you? If you're a teen and your parents are that assholeish you don't want to risk getting kicked out and ending up on the streets giving hand jobs for crack. It seems like an eternity but wait until college or until you have a job or something. Then rub it in your parent's hypocritical ignorant faces. If they can't accept you, fck them.
2006-08-14 22:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At some point Nathan your going to have to start living your life for YOU and not your parents or family. All I can say is don't let them find out from someone else. I told my family and trust me it didn't go over well at all but they had to make a choice, did they want to still have me as a son, brother etc. or not? Because I had decided I would rather be happy and lying wasn't making me happy
2006-08-18 15:23:38 · answer #8 · answered by a_soul_singer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,I don't consider being quiet lying. Not telling what you know isn't lying,it's withholding information,lol. Which is what I did until I was 35 and started having feelings for the first woman I dated. I personally don't see there being a rush in telling anyone. Do it at your own time and speed. They'll wait,lol,and what they don't know won't hurt them. I don't know WHY people think it's their business who their family members sleep with. I mean,nobody wants to know who their MOM sleeps with,eeewwww
2006-08-14 21:47:00 · answer #9 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you're old enough to know you can move out, then come out. In the meantime, get all the support you can get in your corner. call the gay center, hotline, school/college gay club, gay social clubs with activities that you like, and of course, PFLAG. Get them in your corner so that when you come out, you'll have support. If you're still under their roof, it's not a good idea to come out unless you have another place to live. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. OK?
2006-08-17 05:21:48 · answer #10 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. I can tell you how difficult it is by not being out. I'm 34 yrs old and I'm not out to my family at all! It's hard to hide like that. It just depends on how far you are willing to go to cover it up. You have to consider any future partners you may have too. Are they going to be ok with being hidden from your family? A lot to consider. I am lucky in that I have a VERY understanding partner and she's totally ok with me not being out. Very supportive and understanding!!!
2006-08-15 11:03:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋