is he betraying me? should I forgive him?

Question

He called his ex-girldfriend saying he wants to be friends with her and that they should keep in touch. Then I found out about it by myselfand I told him I found out. He says that he only talks to her to let go if feelings left in their past. Then he tells me that he lost such a great person back then, but now i'm the person in his future. He says he has no intensions of being with her again and that they only want to stay in touch. He kept his conversations from her a secret and when he first started talking to her, he has been judgemental of everything I do. The ex lives so far away from where we live. what does this say about our relationship? How do I confront him now and what should I tell him? and what should I do?

Answer 1

No offense meant but his not telling you about his communicating with his ex-gf is a form of betrayal itself. He could have told you about it even before he made his first move in contacting her.

And did he not even consider your feelings when he told you that he lost a great relationship in the past? I would say that if a guy really loves the woman he is having relationship with at the moment, he should refrain from doing something that may destroy the relationship. A person who has completely lost his feelings for the person he loves will no longer have any interest in communicating with that person.

His calling her is a sure sign that somehow, he missed her and he wanted to overcome such feeling by contacting her. But that was a dangerous move against your relationship because, with the passing of time, if he still communicates with her, he may love her again and go back to her arms leaving you helpless.

The best thing that you should do is for you to ask him to have a heart-to-heart talk with you. During that time, you ask him everything that is in your mind and heart. Tell him how you feel about the situation and the betrayal that he did. If you don't want him to continue keeping in touch with her, tell him that openly where he could feel that he might lose you in return if he continues doing it.

If he really loves you, I'm sure he will stop. If he still loves the girl, he won't. Analyze his actions after your talk and whatever their implications are, you alone can decide for yourself whether to continue having a relationship with him or not.

About forgiveness, if you want to have peace of mind, forgive him with all your heart and no matter what happens between you , you will have restful sleeps.

Answer 2

He is still carrying a torch for the ex. Confront him and if he still insists on keeping in touch with her dump him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for further heartache. I hope you don't have children with this jerk. If he was being honest with you he wouldn't have kept it a secret in the first place. I think you know this but are hoping it isn't true. Sorry, I know it probably hurts to hear it anyway. Good Luck!!!! He is lying to you and if he is doing this now, what do you think he will do in the future. find yourself a man with a better character. He is a loser.

Answer 3

"Hooooooonnnnnneeeeyyyy.... we need to talk. I know you think
that I'm overreacting- but hurt is hurt and this really hurts. If
you value our relationship and future over what you've supposedly let go, then let go. I would expect you'd feel the
same way if an old boyfriend from my past showed up suddenly.
I'm so glad that we can talk about our feelings so openly. What
do you think?"

I think I'd say something like that... No, I'd be crazy jealous-
throw a fit, kick him out and then feel bad that I did- call him
up- he'd apologize and say that if it really means that much
to me, he won't talk to her or see her. We'd have make up
sex and he'd tell me that he didn't want to do anything to
jeopardize our relationship. And that I'm his soulmate.

If he won't disconnect with her. You're going to have to throw
a fit. If he disconnects with you because of it, well it's probably worth your peace of mind. A guy who does things secretly isn't worth it. We all know he's hoping to have sex with her in the future- even if it's because they got drunk and figured what the heck. - He needs to get his act together to be worthy of you.

Good luck. Show him this answer!!! If you don't tell him, I will!

NOW, SEE HERE- HOT SHOT..... #$@%^

Answer 4

? He's not doing anything wrong. You're being paranoid and jealous over nothing. There is no reason why he has to tell you he's freinds with his ex. Most of us all become friends with our ex's and we ONLY do talk to them when in other relationships. If you want to sit around thinkin he's lusting after his ex or whatever still, you're only going to ruin the relationship. Maybe just tell hiim that you'd like him to be more open and to talk to you about changes in his life more often. But it's his choice. It's not like he purposely kept her hidden from you b/c something is going on. Maybe he knew you'd be paranoid about it though.

Answer 5

Dilemma in relationships can be mind numbing most of the time. As I am single, I may not be able to address the issue to the best but yet will attempt. I have observed that most often doubt on ones spouse leads to all sorts of unnecessary marital conflicts.

"Never anticipate the course of events." That's what drives me forward in life. Perhaps, he is speaking the truth. The best weapon we have on all doubts and conflicts is prayer. One great soul said, "Prayer moves the hand that moves the world." Seek help from the one who is most willing to listen to our problems and issue, and believe me when I say...there is no one who can actually help us in times of trouble, except Him.

It's always beneficial to talk it out and make things clear as far as possible. " A harsh word stirs up strife (trouble, conflict, discord, friction) and a soft word turns away wrath." Its always easier said than done, but its equally right to make the move towards a better outcome.

Answer 6

Well... i think that he still could not get out of his r/s with his ex gal fren. Plus I dun know the reason they broke up and how long they are together, but I think if the bonding btw them are very strong, you have to be mentally prepared to be strong to handle all kinds of situation since he is talking to her.. and you may never know.. he might be telling her about you. If you truely love this guy, then you have to let him know that u are not his ex gal fren, you are you and if he is not prepared to see that, then you can tell him to go back to his ex galfren and go find someone who really love u and see u as u . U also have to be prepare for heartbreak for you will hear comments like.. "oh my ex gal fren know I dun like....." or "my ex dun do that when...."
Now u have to be clear of your feelings and asked yourself whether does he really love u or not, if no, save urself of all the heartbreaks and get out of the r/s....
Hope everything work out for u .... :P

Answer 7

You can't have peace of mind if you'll just keep it to yourself about what you know about him and his ex... ask him if he really loves you...if he said yes then confront him about what you know...tell him why should he still communicating with his ex when you're together and supposedly as his current gf you should be his apple of the eyes...let him choose between his ex and you...if he chooses you then ask him to stop communicating with his ex and you can forget all and is ready for a fresh start...Goodluck!!!!

Answer 8

I would just tell him that this makes you uncomfortable because you are supposed to be his girlfriend and she is his ex for a reason. He has some baggage with her it sounds like and usually people that have baggage like that have a hard time moving on. So if I were you I would leave him and let him get over her, or get back with her because it sounds to me like this is what he wants. He can't expect you to sit back and think that there is nothing between them.

Answer 9

This is a tough one, i think their should always be trust in the relationship without that there is nothing. If he's keeping this a secret you never know if there is still feelings or not...

Answer 10

Sounds like he has unresolved issues and at first he tried to resolve them, but sounds like somewhere during the process his feelings may have changed.
You need to have a good heart to heart and find out how he feels about his ex.
Something has changed and you need to find out what and you both need to figure out how to fix it. If it can be.
Good Luck!!