I am in a bad marriage?

Question

I am in a bad marriage and i want out. There are kids involved. Where do i begin. Do i get a lawyer? Do i open a bank account. Do i look for a job?
Yes it is definitely over!
Too many things have happened.
I just dont know where to go from here. IM SCARED!
Thanks for all your help

I really didnt want to go here
He raped me the other night
I said no 3 xs and he still did it
he has been a little abusive, more controlling and angry. and yes is doing porn

Answer 1

I am going through the same.
I don't know where to begin either....Just wanted to say good luck.

Answer 2

It's hard to start over on your own, you feel alone and you feel like noone understands what you are going through, other than having a good listener, no matter what anyone says can take away the hurt and the pain, except for your heart, when it is ready. Get a job, your own bank account and most definately get a lawyer if you two cannot agree on anything!

Depending on how long you have been married, you have children, it can really take it's toll on them without you even knowing it! They see and understand more than we know, and if you are miserable...they are!

Take time to explain to them. And if it is mutual, you both talk to them. Let them know it isn't their fault, and bear the responsibility. Never accuse one or the other in front of them. You both brought them into the world and you are both still their parents and need to work together in raising them and being civil to each other in front of them, they are hurting enough.

They still need you both, and you need to put your differences aside and both be there for them at all times when they need you.

The one thing I have learned about love, is comfort, and if you are no longer comfortable in your relationship, it isn't worth the time to waste.

life goes on...a little hard at first, but it gets easier and can be better! Good Luck

Answer 3

Make sure that you have something to fall back on so yes a bank account would be good but remember that all assets are shared when you are in a marriage so maybe you could save money on the side. You can go to your local legal aid office and tell them your situation and they will help you file for divorce for a very cheap cost sometimes even free.

Let your children know that they are loved regardless and that they will always have 2 parents but that things will be changing so that it doesn't come as a shock to them.

There are support groups and counseling is always a wise choice.

Answer 4

Get an Attorney sweetie, you have kids involved, get a legal separation right away first, that protects you in many ways before the divorce is final.... If he does something wrong or something bad happens, you are legally separated so your no longer responsible...I have had 2 divorce's from 2 alcoholics so I know, and don't ever believe anything he promises because things change in a divorce, especially if you meet someone and start dating, he can make your life hell... My 2 kids were little then and it was very hard and I was scared too, but I did it with no help from him....It took me 17 years to get him for child support...I hope it is peaceful for you and your kids.. If you need to chat, email me it's ok.... Good luck to you, your stronger then you think, just hold your head high and think of your kids, they are going to really need you through this and you them.....

Answer 5

I certainly know what its like to want out. I think it would be a good idea to look for a job, you want to be able to provide for your children. And it wouldn't hurt to have a bank account to get ahead a little. Do you have family or friends you could stay with for a while until you get on your feet, that is if you have to leave right now. Also do something nice for yourself, go out for a night with the girls start socializing, start having a life again, gain some confidence back. I know when I was coming out of my bad relationship I was really down on myself. If your sure this is what you want don't drag it out for your kids sake and for your sake to. And dont let people tell you to stay for the kids, my god we dont live in the 50's it will do them more harm than good if you stay and you dont want to be there. You will be a better mother if you are happy.

Answer 6

well that's a tough one, because i don't no the ins and outs. but if there are children involved before you do anything at all seek legal advice, (definitely) don't tell anyone, don't tell your children until you no exactly what you are going to do and what you are dealing with. yes maybe open yourself a bank account and try save as much as you can that will always look good in court, that you can provide for your children. yes also look for a job, a good one were you do get time with your children, also maybe start looking around for a house, because if it is your choice to leave he might get nasty and say he is not leaving you are...........but as i said i don't no the ins and outs, i don't no what he is like......but if the relationship is going no were it is best to get out for you're children's sake....but don't EVER talk nasty about you children's father in front of then, it will only affect then in the long run.... well i hope i was some help.....

Answer 7

Scared...
First ..hang in there.... light is at the end of every tunnel.
Secondly, if it allows and you are not in jeopardy of getting abused, I'd recommend being civil about the decisions that you and your soon to be ex-husband are going to make. You'll need to talk.

Yes, an attorney will need to be involved, but if you both have some type of agreement on what will ultimately happen, (kids, property, money, etc), this all might be able to be worked out without having to drain your bank accounts.

Yes, you are going to have to make some compromises and sacrifices, so be prepared. Change is difficult, but as doors close, windows open.

Your kids are going to feel the impact in some way, so make all attempts to look out for their interests. Make sure in the interim that they have a place to live, food to eat and clothes on their backs. The less of an interruption in their lives, might make it easier on all of you.

You might even want to look for a local support group that might provide you with valuable steps to take.

Just a little bit of help...but "Hang in there!"

Answer 8

All of the above! In this order:
1) Get a lawyer and get his/her advice ASAP
2) Open an account in your name only. He can freeze any joint accounts you have and you would be left with no cash.
3) When your lawyer instructs you, you should look for a job. Sometimes it is in your best interest to wait until after the divorce is settled.

Answer 9

If there is abuse you need to get yourself and your children out of that house and worry about the small stuff when your out of danger. I was in a abusive relationship and it never got better, only worse. I would tell myself for years he didn't mean it and will change but that never happened. Do you have a good friend or parents that you can stay with for a while ? If not then call the abuse hot line and let them give you some suggestions. It's not just about about your safety it's your children's safety also. Pray for strength and use it to make your life and your children's life a safe, happy one. Good Luck

Answer 10

1 Yes GET A LAWYER make sure you file first.
2 Have a place to go that is safe

Having a job and a bank account is a plus. If there is any abuse involved contact you local womens crisis center they are a wealth of help.

If you are in fear of your safety. Get as many important documents as you can get your kids and get out.

ALSO DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!!!! anything and everything that could be important in a custody battle

Answer 11

First things first is you have to have money to live and support your kids and yourself. So if you don't have a job get one. Open a bank account with only your name on it, that he doesn't know about. And I would consult an attorney ASAP to see where you stand as far as custody and such. Best advice is to have things prepared for when you do leave that way you are not struggling to find money and a place to live. Good Luck.