I don't want to get married but now I have to, everything's already paid for and there's nothing I can do :-(

Question

Please give me advice, I'm getting married in 4 weeks and I really don't want to. I'm probably doing this just because I'm pregnant and have been together on and off with him for 8 years...please help me :-(

My parents don't know I'm pregnant, and they paid for the whole thing. I feel so confused and scared, please, any advice can help

Answer 1

hey if you don't want to get married then Don't. Do yourself, the dad and the baby a favor and don't. Trust me getting married just because you got pregnant will only lead to divorce. That is not good for the child either. So what if everything is paid for, return the dress and other things that you can, sell what you can't and everyone else will get over it eventually. I am not saying that it will be easy on the parents(yours or his) but in the long run it will be the best course.
Oh yeah and tell your parents, but only after you have made up your mind about what you are going to do. And stand firm.

Answer 2

If you honestly don't want to marry this man then please have the guts to inform him prior to the ceremony. Although you have already spent money on preparations it is much wiser to not fulfill your oaths to each other if you're not being honest with either yourself or your fiance. I married once and like yourself did it for the wrong reason. Everyone there thought that we made the most unhappy newly married couple they had ever seen. Neither of us smiling or laughing at what is to be a time of joy. Surprised and maybe even upset some of your friends and family may be. But it your happiness in the long run that matters and not what they think at present. Soon enough everyone will forget and things will return to normal. Communication is the only answer here and you need to communicate with your partner what it is that your truly feeling. Just because your pregnant is no reason to get married. I'm sure that your fiance will either feel relief or sadness, but he will respect you anyway for your honesty. Best of luck to you in this situation. And may you be blessed with a healthy child.

Answer 3

Go to the video / DVD store. Rent "The Runaway Bride" immediately. Watch it twice. Think about it.
If I'd have seen that movie BEFORE marrying - I wouldn't have a mean X-husband right now - I'd have an X-boyfriend with no paperwork to deal with.
Do not get married if you have heavy doubts. Don't do it. It will be worse for the baby in the long run. It won't be good for your parents either - because divorce costs even more than that wedding. Child support is not enough to cover the costs of raising a child either just so you know. Don't get married!
Oh.... and will your parents be sleeping with the guy?
Nope?..... Then they'll probably understand that its your decision.
Don't get Married!

Answer 4

Yes there is something that you can do. A marriage is based on love not obligation because things are paid for. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship that will make you unhappy. Your parents will get over the fact that you are pregnant because they will realize that they will be grandparents. Parents are forgiving though it may be tough at first. Put the brakes on now before you put yourself into a situation that you will regret and will end up in divorce and cost you more than what your wedding is worth. I know that it is scarey but your parents love you. Good Luck

Pete

Answer 5

If you are absolutely certain - no doubts - that you don't want to marry this guy, then call it off now! Talk to your Mom (and Dad) and explain the situation. Be firm, strong, and courageous.

If you are just unsure, you can always get a divorce, but it is a real pain in the as$, not to mention the cost.

Don't get married just to avoid the feeling of shame you will have, explaining to your friends and family. The shame will be worse if you have to explain a divorce and have to pay for it too!

The pregnancy does make things complicated. Listen to your heart and mind - do what you think it right for YOU! Never let any one dictate your life.

I will say a prayer for you and ask God to give you fortitude.

Answer 6

Please don't make the mistake I made..I was questioning myself as you are on prior to my getting married and was felling much like you And within 5yrs of the marriage I wish I could turn back time. Yes I have times when thing are good but I have never been really welcomed in to her family and have always been like the thumb on the hand. Not wanted till needed. My point is..When you marry... marry when you are ready and because you want to. Who knows you may be able to get most if not some of your money back. It's a lot less expensive and stressful to change your mind now than later. Remember it's your life to live. If he is going to be a good father being married or not he will be there for you and the baby. If not a real man will ..........Follow YOUR heart live YOUR life.....

Answer 7

Dear Jackie,

I would suggest you talk to mom and dad immediately - before anything. They are your best friends in the whole world. They know you, they understand you, and they have had the experiences of getting married and being pregnant. Why waiting for answers from all the strangers on the web? They are your best resources!!!!!!!

Sometimes things may not easily speak up and talk about, but marriage and parenting is way different issue. Worst case scenario, mom and dad gonna hug you and help you after some "sharp critiques".

Hope you get over this asap and wish you all the best!

Answer 8

You should ask yourself, Do you really love this guy first off. If the anwser is no then you should not get married. But If the answer is i don't know then make a pro and con list about being married to him and things you like that he does and some other things that goes on. Gurl it really doesn't matter if everything is paid for this is your future and your babys. If you make your choice on **** being already paid for then your crazy. BUT if you are just freaking out that you will be bound to this guy then just think about what he does for you and what you do for him. I have no idea why you and him split but you just need to talk to someone that will help you maybe your momma or someone. But just think about how you feel about him.

Answer 9

Hold it, girl. You are under no obligation to get married. It is true that you parents have spent money and will not get some, perhaps most, back. On the other hand, we are talking about the rest of your life. If your parents love you enough to pay for a wedding, they love you enough to help you work this out.

Talk to your man. Let him know how you feel. Then see a marriage/relationship counselor and see if you can work things out between you. (Eight years indicates that there is something there to work with.) If you cannot work it out, then tell you parents.

If you call it off, they will still love you.

Answer 10

I understand it feels like it's gone WAY too far to back out. However, take it from a person who has gotten married because it was 'too late' to back out. It sucked, and the relationship does not get better. It will end in unhappiness. This is not what you want to raise the baby in. Maybe you should consider putting the baby up for adoption. If you wish to keep it, you'll be doing a bigger favor to your parents and your child to stand up now, rather than drag thru a divorce later. Good luck. I know you're scared.