Husband and I fight all the time...?

Question

My husband and I don't get along anymore because we don't spend anytime together, he works all the time, and I am a full-time college student we both are trying to raise two girls, one year old and 3 years old. I do love my husband but when he gets off work he goes to the bar for an hour or two, then comes home sometimes to hang out with a friend, or he'll go to his fathers and drink a few beers before he comes home. He thinks since he works all day he doesn't have to come home to his family until he is ready. He always says that he works all day and all I do is set home, so he should be allowed to do whatever he wants. I stay home all the time with my two girls, I never get to go anywhere by myself or have no time to myself, even in school it's hard for me to study, because he always brings up he works, but school is work, and so is raising two girls, I am trying to better myself for not just myself but for my family as well, does anyone have any advice... Depressed and lonely...

Answer 1

That is my problem for this year. I have a total of 3 kids and one of them is a new born. I also work 2 jobs (bring the kids with me). I have become his mother and maid. My getaway use to be the bedroom.

What I learned. You can't wait on someone to live your life. Those guys always think that you'll never leave them, and maybe you won't, so there isn't anymore use threatening that.

Solutions: Find a neighbor with kids or a friend who would be willing to swap childcare for free. Depending on the age of your child I would go to city hall and see if there are any free programs (camps) for your kids or if there are any based on your income. Secondly, try and take a vacation for yourself. Leave the kids with relatives or (if your in my shoes without any) a trusted friend.

Last, do you really love him and want it to work. Take away all the hard things that are going on now. How was he before.
It's hard to love someone your so angry at, but you know that saying, kill them (not literally) with kindness. Put the kids down early and make a candle light dinner, soft music, candles. Try packing a lunch with his favorite food and a little love note. Or try to sneak away for a second honey moon.

For your sadness just remember that you have someone who is out there thinking of you and proud that your bettering your life.

It will get better. Have faith.

Answer 2

playing devils advocate here...

my bet is that he feels lonely and left out of your life too.

instead of trying to guilt or BI-itch him into staying home try getting a sitter and going to the bar with him once in a while.

he may feel threatened by you going to school. he shouldn't but he might be afaird that you will leave him once you get your degree. maybe he would like to take a night class with you?

you need more time with just the two of you before it gets better.

Answer 3

i have 1 daughter and she is 8 months old, and i know how hard it is with just her, so if you ask me, you are working harder than he is (no matter what job he has) and he wont understand that until he eperiences it. maybe one day you could try getting a babysitter and when he goes to that bar, you go too, or if he dont want you to go with him, get a couple of friends to go to that same bar with you while he is there and get drunk and just be wild and make up for all the fun youve been missing out on. then he will see what he was missing out on.

Answer 4

Sounds like if he really wants your marriage to work he needs to spend less time on the bar stool. He is not giving his family or your needs priority. If you don't talk to him about this and ask if he wants to work on it, it is only going to get worse. And I don't think anyone should stay in a situation they are unhappy with, whether there are kids or not. Life's too short to be unhappy!

Answer 5

a marriage is meant to be 50/50. it sounds to me as if he is tired of being a husband and father. it's always easy for the man to walk away and leave the woman with all the resposibility. my advice to you would be continue with your education and then when you graduate and find a job, kick him to the curb. you are really not doing your kids any favors by sticking together if you don't get along.

Answer 6

Well I am sorry you feel that way I think I have the same tough schedule as you do but luckily I dont have the same problem with my hubby I think you should tell him that family comes first and that he needs to start spending time with his family and if he doesnt agree you should wait until you graduae then dump him

Answer 7

I think you er husband needs to have a better look at hemself and the things he dose,When he gets home you take off and go to the bar and have afew drinks what dose he think now would he like that bet he might think twice

Answer 8

Sounds like your husband has a drinking problem to me. And you should not let someone (even your husband) tell you that what your doing is not a full time job. Mabey you should go to some marraige counseling. It does help, but if your husband doesn't think he has a problem it anin't going to work. I would like to see if he could handle your life.
Good luck

Answer 9

Try doing somethings that he really likes to start. That will show him that your giving up your time, and hopefully after that maybe you can work some things in that you enjoy as well, better yet maybe you can find some things you can both enjoy with the kids.

Answer 10

you need to be reminded...
take a break...sit down in a sanctuary and grab some pretty stationary and in your best handwriting write down all the reasons why you love your husband. Frame it in your bedroom and if you two dont get along then go out for some quality time and remind yourselves why you married...

hope this helps.