Why are women drawn to men who treat them badly ?

Question

It makes me sad when I see the way some men treat their wife/partner,yet a lot of women seem to be attracted to these type of guys,why ?

I never said the women made me sad,I said it makes me sad when I see how men treat them !

Answer 1

Its kinda difficult to explain. If thats the way they are used to being treated, they dont know any other way. I must admit that I'm victim to this also. Its like once you've been around that person for so long--you settle. I don't think its smart at all, but it happens everyday! People are scared of being alone and it just so happens that these guys that are treating women so badly also know EXACTLY what to say to keep them there. They are good at lying and like dummies, we women sometimes fall for it. The saying still holds strong: Good girls like bad guys

Answer 2

And more women are not attracted to such losers.

Women with healthy self-respect and a healthy attitude when it comes to what kind of person is nice to be with are not attracted to these ignorant, boorish, idiots.

Probably what happens is this: Loser-guy finds less-than-well-adjusted, mature woman who has no confidence and no self-respect. Many of the women in this situation weren't "attracted to" the guy. They settled for him. Other thing that happens is they're attracted to some superficial thing about the guy and don't know the bad stuff. Either way they were not attracted to the lousy behavior, as so many people seem to think they had to have been.

For every woman who doesn't have the confidence to leave (or who may even be afraid to leave, whether or not that is a well founded fear) I am guessing that far more women do leave, do throw them out, do seek restraining orders, didn't realize what a jerk the guy was at first, and, finally and maybe surprisingly, go find themselves someone decent.

My point is that when someone makes the unflattering remark about women that "so many are attacted to this type of guy"; and, conversely, when someone makes the somewhat flattering insinuation that these guys who are such losers and jerks have behavior that is at all attractive to normal women, I don't think its all that true. There are a few women who may be attracted to that, but I think your perception of it is overblown. Maybe these jerk-guys have you fooled into thinking that the same way they fool some women into going out with them, but I would bet that just as there are a few people who rob banks and a few people who see pink elephants and hear voices, there are a few women who'll put up with these women; but they are not representative of normal women.

Answer 3

I think that it is a certain kind of woman attracted to that certain kind of man. I think that there must be some kind of non verbal transaction taking place initially, i.e. some women are repelled by 'those' kind of men and 'those' kind of men are repelled by the kinds of vibes given off by women who would not tolerate 'that' kind of man. Once all the unsuitable matches have been eliminated, only those players willing and able to take part in sado- masochistic games are left. I think that there's definitely some truth in what I'm saying. It's the same as saying why do people find giving up smoking (or why do they even start in the first place) when they know of all the risks involved, or take drugs, or get obese on junk foods... it takes time and hard work to draw up ones values and realise that the particular thing we might be drawn to, is in fact, the one thing that is ruining life and health. I am qualified to talk, I have experience. Bad men are no different to bad habits that are hard to kick.

Answer 4

They are not necessarily 'drawn' to these men. Women often find out that men are malicious, hostile and violent to them only after they have committed to their relationships. It is a difficult choice to leave a partner after commitment has been made due to religious vows, financial arrangements, they have children to support or the fact that some are being psychologically played. Do not brush off a woman and say it makes you sad that she was attracted in the first place, just think how she and her family feel.

Answer 5

I agree with thecharleslloyd.
I do not think that women select these types of men sometimes it just works out that way.
But some men do treat women abominably and I blame that on choice everything in life is choices good or bad!

Answer 6

i think it's a power thing. everyones attracted to power and strenght and men who treat their partners badly are powerful, no i take that back, seem powerful and it makes women feel safe to be with them, and i mean safe from the world, even though they're not safe from the men. men who treat their partners badly are also very posessive and it makes you feel needed and wanted, which is something all people are looking for. but don't mistake it for women wanting to be treated badly, they just want the source of the action and not the action itself.

Answer 7

Most women aren't. The man might be the sweetest thing and gradually he changes. He'll yell then hit and she thinks it is a phase. Thinking that it will pass. But it doesn't. Sometimes the woman might have a high level of womanlyness(the chemical, which name I have forgotten, that makes females more attached to things then males). If she has a high level and they have sex, she will be attached no matter what he does or what he says. It is, yes, sad to see that type of thing happen.

Answer 8

Often it follows a pattern. Sometimes their father treated their mother badly and this makes some sort of imprint on the women who then seeks out similar men. Sadly they can go from man to man all of whom are creeps and end up alone. It happened to a friend of mine and she never did learn her lesson. Men can be such brats.

Answer 9

I don't think most women are drawn to men that treat them badly. I would expect that the ones who are drawn to that type of man, suffer from very low self-esteem.

Answer 10

thecharleslloyd answered this question first. They choose those men by mistake.

In the entire human psyche there are hierarchies of desires.

Ranging from basic needs which are insatiable. To "enlightened" mind states which require delicate balance to maintain.

Maslow first hypothesized 5 levels of desire. He never mentioned the psychological means to achieve such states.

Well... I am too confused to answer right now. I'm ankle deep in coffee and lack of sleep...

A lot of the reason behind women choosing bad men is that bad men are active. They create drama and emotions. They drive women to be better people. They expose the women to more enjoyable experiences. They can drive a woman through everything she should do in a day on her own willpower, and push her even further to do a mans bidding... all with the promise of a meaty reward.

Many "nice" guys are fooling themselves. As evidenced by the desire for questions, and lack of confidence. They do not KNOW for certain that they are nice, and that nice guys should win. They believe with a vengeance that they should have what they have so longingly waited to be handed to them on a silver platter. Through presents and careful choice of words they have offended their own needs. Something a WOMAN never wants to see a man force himself into. Women want a man who will be powerful and assertive enough to do what he must do for himself first. Something the church, sorry to say, has destroyed in many well off people.

If you want more, I dunno, click on my name and answer one of MY questions.