Custody question?

Question

what grounds does a man seeking custody need to get primary custody for himself and supervised visitation for the mother.

I left my emotionally abusive spouse 3 months ago and now he is trying to get the kids. What should I expect for him to be trying to use as grounds and what defence do I have?

Also he is in the military. not sure what bearing that has on anything but I want to give as many details as possible

additional question.. How do you prove emotional abuse? Other than my diaries and friends that have seen some of what went on.. I never called the cops or anything because what was I gonna say?. He treats me like a piece of **** and screams at me till I have panic attacks..they would have laughed at me

Answer 1

When I was divorced my ex wanted custody. The judge asked him when was the last time you took your child to the pediatrician (never)? What is the pediatricians name (he didn't know)? How many books per week do you read to your child (none)? What size shoe does your child wear? You get the idea. It lasted about 3 minutes my husband didn't do anything for the children - end of custody battle. If you have nothing to hide with regard to raising your children you don't have to worry.

Answer 2

If he is abusive and you have any proof of that (police or dr's reports or even witnesses) then he won't have a chance. He'll probably try to claim you aren't a fit mother because thats really the only chance they have of taking them from the mom, as long as that isn't true I wouldn't worry too much. He's just trying to scare you and play more control games. His being in the military will actually hurt his case because he can't be available to care for them, his life isn't his, it belongs to the military right now and that doesn't leave room for good parenting. Doesn't sound like you have a lot to worry about to me. Write out detailed descriptions of his abusive behaviors and document everything.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but his being in the military has no bearing at all when I divorced my ex he was and still is in the military and just like you mine talked down to me alot I even went so far as to record what he said to me on the phone when he went off on me and guess what it was inadmissable because you have to have a persons permission to record them in some states and my exhusband was awarded joint custody of our child and he has been deployed every since I think he did it out of spite you shouldnt have anything to worry about if you arent doing anything out of spite or to get even with him oh yeah and talk to an attorney or go to legal aid if you dont have the resources depending on your state you may get help for little or nothing but be prepared becuase if he cannot get full custody he will ask for JOINT and the judge may find that joint custody is a reasonable request just watch what you say and how you say it because it can and will be used against you oh yeah and make sure in your state that its ok to record a person w/o their knowledge if its ok then record and keep up with his abusive phone conversations.

Answer 4

Unless you've recently done something drastic or detrimental to the children, he has no grounds. However, if there is no record of any of the abuse, it is imperative that you file for divorce first claiming emotional abuse as your grounds. It is true most divorces are filed as "no-fault", however, it's not the golden rule. This pretty much insures you the children. They also aren't likely to grant him primary placement due to his military status. The courts want to keep the children's lives as normal as possible. So keep your head up, your children close to you and fight like hell to keep everything the same as it's been minus the spouse and you'll fair just fine.

Answer 5

Are you already divorced? Anyway, I would first contact a divorce lawyer ASAP. A consultation is usually free and they can give you the best advice - and if they don't give you good advice then you can sue them - you can't sue any of us for bad advise, ha! I would think him being in the military would hurt his chances if he is moved around a lot. A judge knows that's not best for the kids. OK well good luck to you sweetie, and it's time to stand up to this guy - don't let him push you around. You defiantly have the advantage - don't let him make you think other wise.

Answer 6

The truth, I suppose. If you are a loving mother with nothing to hide, then I would think you will be fine. He will have to prove any allegations of misconduct on your part. It can't just be a case of he said/she said. But for your own protection, all allegations of abuse concerning your husband should be written down. Whatever you do, make sure you always keep your story straight. If you ever veer off at all, they will eat you alive.

Answer 7

First off if you have any witnesses to this , call on them now. Secondly any judge in their right mind will look at all facts like stability do you work have a home and are mentally stable enough. Thirdly watch out for his family members or yours for example my own mother has convinced cps that my children are in harms way and told them that I abandoned my kids which I didn't, and now my custody case has involvement with my ex, mom ,cps and myself so get a good lawyer and show them that they belong with you

Answer 8

if the kids are living with you and you have temporary custody that will probably stick.

the only way he can get custody now would be to prove that you are an unfit parent.

Answer 9

He'll probable try to say that you are unfit so if there is anything in your past that is questionable try and clean it up. Good Luck