I married my husband when I was skinny, and he was about 50 pounds overweight. Now, I'm 50 pounds overweight and he's 100 pounds overweight. But he's not happy with me because I've gained and thinks I should lose because "he didn't marry me fat..."
2006-08-14 10:51:19 · 32 answers · asked by Random 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Heh. Funny question. There was an article about a year ago on msn or something where the relationship expert basically said "try losing the weight if you love your husband." It was great. Nothing to even suggest that maybe even after gaining 10 or 20 pounds the person is still not fat or whatever.
He should love you regardless of your weight. Reality is that people sometimes substitute love for attraction. If that's the way he feels than his desire has probably been impacted by your weight gain. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying this is reality.
So yes, he should love you and if he doesn't...well, sounds like he's not doing anything to make himself more physically appealing so it's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black.
Maybe the best thing to do is just look for exercise opportunities you can enjoy together. Fast walks after dinner. Long hikes on the weekends. Something to get you both back on track.
And if he's not for that and still gives you a hard time I guess the best you can do is keep in mind that we all change -- some drastically in a physical way, others in a personality way. There may be traits he's revealed (like being a hypocrite, for example) that you don't like about him but can't change.
Just do your best. And do what makes you happiest. You'd probably feel better taking off the weight but you should do it for your own happiness...but your happiness may come in the form of him shutting up about your weight. :)
2006-08-14 11:02:05 · answer #1 · answered by stimply 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he married you for the right reasons in the first place then a few extra pounds should just be more to love. He should have married you for what is on the inside and not your body. So, that being said if you want to lose weight for yourself then that is great, but not for some man. He should love you no matter what. Also, tell him that you did marry him fat...because you loved him no matter what.
2006-08-14 11:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats horrible that he would do that. I have been having a hormone problem and I gained like 40 pounds in 6 months! My husband knows that I am down on myself because of it and still trys to tell me that I am beautiful and that he likes me just the way that I am. If he is not happy about it then tell him that he needs to do the workouts and diet with you. Its not fair that you should suffer alone when he has gained weight also.
2006-08-14 11:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
things happen, we gain weight we lose weight........ I personally, think you should both lose weight if your not happy, this shouldnt be a one sided thing if both of you have gained weight, Strike a deal with him. Set goals for the amount of weight you would like to lose and hit the gym together!! Then you can both feel like you are doing something productive as a TEAM........If he won't go with you, I say find a buddy who will, and then, when you are all toned and "in shape", tell him if he doesnt get down to "first married" weight then you will find someone who will appreciate you for the love you can share and your brains, not just your looks! GOOD LUCK!
2006-08-14 11:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should love you no matter what. Did he think you would look the same way you did when he married you forever? Loving someone unconditionally is so important in marriage because there are times when the person is going to be sick or tired, or overweight and they deserve the same love because they are the same person.
Your husband is wrong and he should love you no matter what.
2006-08-14 11:16:10 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not strike a deal....get out there TOGETHER and give each other support on losing weight. If you start together and stay with it, or if he refuses or drops out quickly...still stay with it. Once he sees how hot you're starting to look...he'll take notice. Do this for YOU, however, not for him..and yes, he should love you, but I will be frank and tell you that for some men it is a turn-off physically, just as it might be for you if he got too big. He married you for who you were inside, too, I bet. Therefore, he should and probably still does love that person. But if you try to get out there for you, and stick with it for like one week...the momentum will stay with you and you'll continue. Trust me, you're gonna look/feel great. Good luck. If he's still complaining after time, dump him...there are plenty of men that like curvy (but not really hefty) women.
2006-08-14 11:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should love you for who you are and who you become but what he's trying to say is he's not atrracted to you being fat, in which you should turn around and say "Same way I feel about you". Then, take up some kind of physical activity (besides sex) you both can enjoy together and shed those extra pounds. It will be good for both your health, not to mention, will be a great way to spend more time together.
2006-08-14 11:00:58 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an ***! Tell him that you'll lose 50 pounds when he does because you didn't marry him as fat as he is now!
Marriage is about unconditional love...you love the person no matter what....
2006-08-14 11:02:07 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe love should be unconditional. But I also feel that we are attracted to certain types of people. Ask yourself if you would initially been attracted to him if he was the weight he is now.
First off his words are hurtful and mean. Maybe he's attacking you because he feels bad about himself. The body is partly a shell if he was to lose weight would he be any nicer.
You need to do what makes you feel good about yourself and for no one else.
2006-08-14 11:01:11 · answer #9 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, he should love you no matter what. If he really loved you then weight should not matter..it is everything else about you. Besides, if he really feels that way, and it hurts you, then tell him if he doesn't lose his weight, you will leave him. See how it makes him feel.
There is more to you than you weight and you should not let him put you down and make you feel bad just because you gained weight right along side of him!!
2006-08-14 10:58:35 · answer #10 · answered by ceecee_41004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋