Should i marry this man?

Question

I need answers, i meet this man he claim to be a godly man, he says he loves me and he wants to marry me. He is still married after 3 years, he is not with the lady, they both have not filed for a divorce but he do not see her. We have moved together and he has not gave up his place yet. He the pastor right hand man but he do not want the pastor to know we live together, he have alot of women calling him, he claim that he cousel them but some woman tex him and said when are you coming to change your clothes for church. please help.

Answer 1

I think you already know the answer to this question. Sounds like a bad situation and you deserve better. RUN don't walk!

Answer 2

A "Godly" man would do what????- Act in a godly manner. there is nothing about what you just said is "godly" about this man's actions. You are worth a man giving his WHOLE heart to you. He is breaking his wedding vows REGARDLESS of the seperation. He made those vows before God and others to be married til death, so unless the marriage has been officially buried by divorce, then he is cheating on his wife. You deserve better. He will do the same to you if you do not move on.
Lets look at all the things in your paragraph that you have described:
1. He wants to marry you but he won't file for divorce, so he's still married under the eyes of God and the government;
2. He didn't give up his place for you so you could start a new life togther;
3. You are shacking up and living in sin together and he is the "pastor's right hand man" (my pastor would dismiss him from duty til he stopped living against God's will in that way. Who is this "pastor"? Does he know about your situation? He probably doesnt which means your man is keeping you a secret.)
4. He has a lot of women calling him ( you didn't say people, you specified women- that doesnt give you a clue?) and one obviously has some type of intimate tie with him

Wow I dont know who's god he serves but it sure isnt mine! Please don't be a fool. And talk to God not yahoo about this.

Answer 3

Girl in the middle, get out of there. This is NOT a godly man, but a cheat and a lowlife. He's not only cheating on his wife (even though they're not divorced, they're still married), but he's cheating on his church by not revealing who he really is. People depend on him to be upright and moral, and he's not. That should speak volumes to you, when he doesn't want the pastor to know about his real life. GET OUT OF THERE FAST!! And how can you even ask if you should marry this conniver? He's not divorced. What makes you think he's going to either? He's been doing this for at least 3 years, if not longer. Maybe a short chat with his wife will tell you all you'll need to know. The fact that she's not filed for divorce either tells me that it's not over. He might tell you that he doesn't see her, but how can you trust him when he's receiving calls from other women, on the pretext of counseling? It's usually customary for the pastor to do the counseling, not the "right hand man", whatever that means. Whatever he is, he's not being faithful to his wife or to his church. And he's not a godly man, plain and simple. Here's the test...turn to the book of Titus in the New Testament. Look at chapter 1, starting with verse 5 through 9. It states what an elder of the church should be like. Also look in 1 Timothy 3, verses 1 through 15. These verses are the very verses that "right hand men" are accountable to. If he's not upholding these verses as part of his duty, as a minister of God, then he needs to step down and be under church discipline. He's not worthy of his office. This is what gets the whole church a black eye, when these guys can do whatever they want and get away with it. Someone needs to blow the whistle on them and get them out of the ministry, where they can do great harm to many people, as well as the ministry. Why do you think no one knows about his infidelities? You deserve much better than this. Don't get dragged down with him. Move out, or put him out, if it's your house. Tell him he needs to get his life in order and he can't live with you anymore, nor have any relationship with you. He's got to get himself right with the Lord and with those he's hurting with his untruthfulness. If the church would discipline it's members in the godly way they're supposed to, there would be more spiritual growth within and without. The answer to your question...NO! <*)))><

Answer 4

Godly men can be fakes when it comes to having a relationship with a woman.So first forget he's godly and look at him as just a man.Now would you really put up with a man acting like he is?Of course not. I believe you are not seeing him for who he really is due to he is the pastors right hand man. Honey I've been around for many years and men are men no matter where they come from. Some are good and some bad.Looks like you have a bad one..Rotten around the edges.If a man isn't proud of you enough to tell the world that he is with you then in no way should you or any other woman think he loves you.You should want more for yourself and you deserve it. You are not happy so move on. God has someone better for you. Good luck.

Answer 5

Reader asks, "Should I marry this man?" .

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superbooks.org ANSWERS:

1. You ask should I marry this man but you say he is keeping you a secret. You cannot marry in secret. Once you marry him there are people that will know --the pastor will know and everyone in the church will know you are married to him. His neighbors will know etc.

2. If someone wants you to remain a "secret" that means they are hiding something. You do not need to marry someone that is hiding out. So, wait until after there is not a secret and then you can marry him. .However, if he still wants you to keep your marriage a secret AFTER or during your marriage, I'd say ditch him right now. There is no need to keep marriage a secret.
When you marry someone you love then you want the whole world to know UNLESS you are hiding something.

3. Go find someone who will be PROUD to be with you and PROUD to marry you. You'll be much happier, that's for sure.

4. If he claims that he is counseling these women, how come he counsels ONLY women, but not men or grandmothers or children, or uncles or cousins? There is a problem if he is counseling ONLY women. First, if he has chosen the field to counsel ONLY women, then obviously you have chosen the wrong man for yourself. Run!
If he has chosen to counsel EVERYONE and ANYONE, then it's really wierd that ONLY women are calling him isn't it? What's wrong with this picture?
ALSO, if this is legitimate counseling, even if they are women only and no men, then his counseling should be limited to BUSINESS HOURS since h e is now a married man. Any woman that's calling him in the middle of the night is either in need of a psychiatrist or she is dating him on the side. If she is in such a need of a counselor that she needs him "after hours' all the time or during holidays, then he should suggest some "emergency ' counselors or suicide counselors or after hours counselors . That will serve anyone's purpose and everyone's purpose and then everyone should be happy.

You asked advice, well here it is:
Clear up the counseling thing --question him about it ,regarding the issues listed above. If he says he intends to continue counseling women only during your marriage, I'd say it's time for him to take a long walk and I don't mean down the aisle.

Clear up the secret thing. Tell him that you are a human with feelings and you'll never be a secret after you are married.

Clear up what you really feel about him. Since you are writing here in a public space about an issue that's quite private, this could only mean that you are not trusting him (from your writing), and if you don't trust him now, don't think that your trust will grow after marriage. That just won't happen.

So that's it.

have a good week!
superbooks

Answer 6

Sweety if he is a godly man then why is he living with you while he is still married?? why does he not want the pastor to know? why are women calling him and asking him about his change of clothes?? come on i know your smarter then this .... If you are questioning all this then that is your answer right there ... If i am going to get married the only questions i want to be worried about is the date , what church how many guest should i invite and so on not the ones your asking girl you better run for the door not walk but run.If he is a godly man then i am the f***** queen of England be smart get out ...

Answer 7

Sweetie...he is a DOG!!!!! Using God as a coverup for his filth. He is NOT a Godly man, trust me. Why is he hiding is life from the Pastor if it's Godly? Why is he living with you when he is still married? Why does he have women calling/texting him? He has got you fooled BIG TIME!!!! You need to suck up some self-esteem and tell him where to go...FAR AWAY FROM YOU!!! If he were Godly, he would be divorced before seeing someone else. If he were Godly, he would not live with a woman outside of wedlock. If he were Godly, he woudn't be such whore with all these women on his tail! Please DO NOT marry this man. You will be so sorry! AND, you don't need to be living with him either! You can do better!

Answer 8

Consider marriage when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too! There is a book called Lies At The Altar by Dr. Robin Smith, it helps you answer all this and go in to a marriage with your eyes wide open, if you aren't willing to consider all that then what you really want is a pretty ring and a nice party and lots of attention, have them but don't make that a basis for a LIFE. Good luck!

Answer 9

He does not sound like a very good man to me. If he thinks he is living his life right why would he care about the pastor? You have been with him all this time and he is still married to someone else? And women are sending him suggestive messages. You need to get away from this man. You can do so much better for yourself.

Answer 10

Sounds like this guy has a TON of issues and he is lying to a lot of people. First of all, you can't marry him because he's already married. Secondly, he isn't even pursuing divorce, he's lying to his pastor, and he has tons of women calling him.
You should get rid of him and tell him that when he gets a divorce and is ready for a committment he should call you. You might also want to talk to his pastor about all this - the fact he is decieving his pastor and other people who are looking to him for spiritual guidance isn't the best thing. According to the Bible he isn't supposed to be cheating on his wife, living with his mistress, etc. Get out of this bad situation and do everyone a favor and talk to his pastor.

Answer 11

NO NO NO
First off- if he is a godly man he will never get a divorce. The Church will never approve of a divorce. Second, if he was so godly he will never live and sleep with you -its one of the commandments after all. Kick him out as soon as possible and move on.