One of my cousins, who is 17 years old, just came out and told everyone she is a lesbian, and now my parents have forbidden me from seeing her again, I am 14 years old, why do I have no choice but to follow them?
I hate it, she is the nicest person I know, she can really understand things I am going though at the moment, now I have no one to talk with that understands or accepts me as who I am! Why will they not let go of old prejudices their parents taught them?! They really are NOT welcome...
2006-08-14 10:17:55 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Alright first of all i know what ur cousin is going thru, cuz im a lesbian too and i came out when i was 14, but your parents are just in the denying stage right now, over time your parents will just understand that it doesnt matter what sexuality that people are and that they will just have to deal with it sometime in their life because there are alot of gays/lesbians out there. Parents just dont understand things like this.
2006-08-14 10:29:17 · answer #1 · answered by Melyssa's Girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Nathan,
I'm another person old enough to be your mom, and I know in my heart that what they are doing is wrong. I also think that they might not be such prejudice people if they raised a son like you. Maybe they just need a little time to digest and accept your cousin. So, at 14 you get to learn that your parents are people. They are not perfect, but whatever their reasons (maybe irrational fears, but for them they are reasons), they are trying to protect you and do what they think is best because they love you. That's a really important thing to know in your heart.
I also believe you should write your cousin a letter telling her how much you love her and support her and miss her. She's done an amazingly difficult thing and needs to know how you feel. When your parents are ready to listen to you and really hear how you feel, talk to them like a responsible adult. They may change their minds or lighten up about it.
Defying your parents is usually not a good idea. You live in their home and will be there for a few more years. Most of their rules are for really good reasons. Once in a while, though, they might have a rule that is irrational and causes real hurt. Even some of those rules can be best for reasons you may not appreciate until later. This rule, however, is not a beneficial one. If you choose to break it, make sure you do so for the right reasons. In this, I think that you are mature enough to be responsible for yourself -- which includes taking full responsibility and not blaming anyone else for whatever happens because of your decision.
2006-08-14 11:26:40 · answer #2 · answered by Alex62 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hay Nathan - If I was a whole lot younger and not a lesbian, I'd have the hugest crush on you. Not to be, but I'd take as a cousin any day.
Your parents are who they are and it includes everything from the wonderful to the ugly. They are people which can be hard to accept sometimes. They love you and you love them. That's just the way it is. Write your cousin, she needs to hear from you and it sounds like you need to communicate with her. You sound very much like a mature person, so maybe you are old enough now to follow your conscience a little more than just your parents. But, as someone else said, do it for the right reasons and take responsibility yourself for anything that happens. That's what being an adult is - making your own decisions and not blaming others for the consequences. The most important things in life include knowing yourself, accepting yourself, owning your own decisions, and respecting others as they are - which includes your parents. Give them a little time, then decide what's best for you.
2006-08-14 12:06:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
EGADS, old people? From your earlier answerer. Your parents cannot be very old, and I know teenagers who are prejudiced against gays and jews and mexicans, etc.
I am OLD, almost 50, HORRORS, :), and I am not prejudiced, so that is not it. Your parents were either raised to feel that way or formed their own opinion. That could be based on their fears, or their religion, or other things.
Sorry, but you live in their home, you eat their food, and ask them for money. You have to go along with them, but once you get out, you can have whatever friends you wish. You do not say you are forbidden to talk with her -- can you have these conversations on the phone? Can you write her letters? Do what you can to keep in touch, without breaking your parents' rules, so she knows you still love her and want to be a part of her life when you are in charge of yourself.
Maybe calmly let your parents know that you still love your cousin and would like them to reconsider because you won't turn gay just by talking with her.
2006-08-14 10:24:15 · answer #4 · answered by jboatright57 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Different people have different prejudices.
You might try this tactic, though I doubt it work:
1: Ask them if you can start insulting and shunning Portuguese people
(FYI, they form less than 10% of the American population)
2: I am hoping that they will say no.
3: Ask them what the difference is between shunning the Portuguese and
shunning your cousin.
4: Tell them that there are more homosexual people in America than
there are Portuguese - that they are approximately 10% of the population.
Is it OK to shun 10% of the population?
Realistically, most parents don't want to have their kids questioning
them socratically, but ... they should not pass on irrational fears and
prejudices to you. If they cannot adhere to a sense of logic, how can
they expect you to?
2006-08-14 10:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The short answer: Old people can really suck, especially if they're bigots.
The long answer: Intolerance in any form is horrible. Your parents are wrong, and it's great that you're supportive of your cousin. The problem is that you're 14, so you're really under their thumbs. As soon as your parents start letting you go out on your own, you can start seeing your cousin again. Until then, I'd stick to e-mail (and make sure your parents aren't monitoring you).
2006-08-14 10:19:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write your cousin a letter...tell her you love her, and are proud of her for coming out...that takes a lot of strenght, especially at that age. Let her know your parents have forbidden you from seeing her, but tell her that she's in your thoughts and prayers. It won't be long before you're off to college or out on your own...and you can see whomever you damn well please.
Besides...your parents have forbidden you from seeing her...that doesn't mean you can't call or communication via email and IM's.
2006-08-14 10:23:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes perents don't always know best. They try to protect you by doing something, but end up hurting you and other family members. They have an ideal way of what you should be like and what you will become. If you can, try to stay in touch with your cousin via e-mail or some other way where your parents will not find out. You can lean on each other in times like these.
2006-08-14 10:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that. It's really a sad world when people can't look past things like that, and to the person inside. How are her parents taking the news? If they handled it okay than maybe you can ask them to talk to your parents about it, and you will be able to speak with your cousin again.
2006-08-14 10:22:30 · answer #9 · answered by chelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your cousin is a very nice girl, but the problem is that you are 14! Maybe your parents need time to accept your cousin just as she really is. Good Luck-
2006-08-14 10:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋