ok im a step mom, my son 5yrs old starts school for the first time tomorrow and my youngest stepson goes to the same school and then the oldest goes to a different school... well i took off work so i could take the kids to school, yeah i know my step kids are not mine, but im trying to treat them all the same and learn how to do stuff for them as a family instead of two families livin in one house...well for some reason my husband wants his mom to take the oldest one to school...even though i told him that i could take him but he said i couldnt handle it....HELLO I HAVE A KID OF MY OWN so what the hell....does he not trust me???? well i know they are not my kids...but im trying... we have only been married not even a year... plus there is somethings he says that just make me feel he is talking to me like a lil kid...what should i do....i didnt know it was like this until i got a ring on my finger
2006-08-14 10:14:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being a stepmom is not easy!! I am a stepmom of a 15 year old and I have a 10 year old and 4 year old of my own. I understand your frustration and I agree that you should be more than capable of taking your stepson to school ESPECIALLY if you have to make a trip to school anyway. I praise you for trying to treat your stepchild as your own. More people need to do this because the kids tend to feel the differences. Coming into a relationship with a stepchild in the picture is tough, but hang in there. You are doing the right thing. As for your husband, I guess I would confront him and ask why he thinks you are incapable of handling it. Maybe there is more behind it. If he just recently split up with his ex, maybe he is having a hard time adjusting too.
2006-08-14 10:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tracy O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know if I got this right, your husband wants his mom to take your step sons to school, or the biological mother of the kids? Well if its the bio, let her have at it, if it's his mom, I'll question it in a gentle fashion of course. Yeah I understand that the kids are not your biological children, but if they are going to be staying with you, you have to build a relationship with them to treat them as such. Give it time and talk to you husband so he could be supportive and understanding in your approach. The first time my step-son(which I never refer to him as step-son) visited, I almost drowned him. we were swimming and I was 8mo pregnant and he was 2. I couldn't hold his weight and my own. My husband gave me a look like I was the most evil person he had ever seen. But now I'm preferred over the biological mom in the care of my son. hope this makes sense, but I'm rushing I have to go pick up the kids. LOL!
2006-08-14 10:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely Darky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband will naturally become offended it you assert yourself too much w/ taking control. Ease up just a bit. Don't let it discourage you from helping the kid out in other ways ... there will be something, and you'll know when your help is needed. Kudos for playing house but I think the feeling of being treated like a child stems from you being somewhat defensive. Again, ease up.
2006-08-14 10:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by Ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on the right track. You will never be their mom but you are their dads wife. You can be a friend to them, if they will let you. Other than that I think the 2 of you need to have a real open conversation about what is expected in this blended family. Good luck
2006-08-14 10:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by doicu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i have a 5 year old son from a prev relationship and my wife is his step mom we had sum ups and downs as well 1 st off always rem at the end of the day that is their child so if his mother want 2 take them sumwhere they should but i must say its very commendable you wanted 2 and want to treat them as yours i think thats the mindset u should have
2006-08-16 00:16:34 · answer #5 · answered by blk man luvs pussc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard being a step mom specially if you have no kind of communication with the "real" mom
what i suggest is for all the adults to sit down without arguing and talk about who does what... it's NOT the kids fault that there's misunderstandings...think about how you would feel if you was the kid.... so please communicate
2006-08-14 10:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have his mom take him to school! He is her child! You take your child to school. Be social if the opportunity happens.
You are being very kind to include your step child. Men get real strange about their children with another woman. I know! My step daughter is 30 - yes 30 - and I still hear about things. Just give it a little time. Things will be OK.
2006-08-14 11:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by Blond Logic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, good for you for making it a priority to be a mother to your step children.
Secondly, don't feel bad that the oldest's mom is going to take him for the first day of school. It's a special day and maybe she wants to be part of that day, since she is his mother. Or maybe your husband just feels like she NEEDS to be the one to take him and do her 'motherly' duties and it all shouldn't lay on your shoulders. Don't overanalyze the situation.......:o)
2006-08-14 11:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you better sit down and tellyour husband how you feel or all on your own you will make things worse for yourself.
2006-08-14 10:45:14 · answer #9 · answered by barbara r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's how he wants it to be then let him have at it. Focus on getting your own kid to school.
2006-08-14 10:24:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋