are you usually right. My husband & I have been married for 17 years. They've been rough but I NEVER thought he was cheating. Now I have the sinking feeling he is. At the very least he's hiding something. Am I probably right?
2006-08-14 09:59:33 · 29 answers · asked by amee2you 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The reason I came to suspect this is lately he has not been bringing his phone inside, if it rings w/ me present he doesn't answer it, & I checked his received calls after he didn't answer a call & he had deleted the last 2-3 calls
2006-08-14 10:08:16 · update #1
I hate to say it, but yes, you are usually right. I "knew" my wife was cheating on my long before I had any proof at all.
You need to get the evidence so that he can't weasel out of it. Then, you need to decide if you can save the marriage. See a marriage counselor as soon as possible, and try to work through it.
If you've been married for 17 years, you probably have children. If so, you have an obligation to try to fix it -- just once. If he does it again, dump him and move on.
Also check these articles.
2006-08-14 10:06:07 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
1. Drastically odd behavior, especially of the secretive type, is cause for Concern.
2. If he works for the CIA, that's another story about the privacy.
3. He must be getting records of these calls on his bill of the month. If he is not having the bills sent to your address — BIG RED FLAG!
4. I would seriously consider hiring a P.I. before any type of confrontation. If he is unfaithful, & you confront him, before you can support your suspicions, you will have just alerted him & he will be more careful. He may also call you 'crazy', or 'paranoid'.
6. Keep your own private diary of the time he keeps, and where he says he's going. Do not tell anyone, other than a P.I. Friends, though well meaning, talk to their mates, and maybe a mate is a good friend of your husbands & will tip him off.
7. Should you find out he's a 'cheat', it's up to you if you want to stay for financial reasons, but he's bound to cheat again.
8. If you decide to divorce him, go to a divorce lawyer & surprise him with the papers & evidence. Before telling him, ask the lawyer what you need to do to protect yourself financially, before letting him know, & take care of them. End of story. No confrontations, you have resolved matters on your own without the upset of listening to his rambling lies, false-promises or possible screaming.
9. If you have children still at home, ask him to leave, because he is a bad influence on them. When a mate cheats, they not only break the trust with their mate, but they break the trust of the whole family. Either way, I'd ask him to leave.
10. There are a number of reasons a man will have an affair on the side, but not divorce his wife — the biggest being financial. Many men 'lose it' during mid-life crisis, but it was already a part of who they were.
2006-08-14 10:49:38 · answer #2 · answered by mitch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two things are certain:
1) Trust yourself. You may not want to find out where it leads...but at the very least...look into it. He may not be cheating...but he is acting VERY suspicious! Look at a cellphone bill if you are suspicious. You have every right to...because you need to protect yourself. Or ask and see if he is defensive. Is the phone just an isolated incident, or are there other things that just aren't "adding up"?
2) Every person that I know (myself included) has NEVER, EVER thought their partner was capable of cheating. It was the last thing in their mind but when the pieces of the puzzle are place as they should be...it makes sense.
Good luck!!
2006-08-14 10:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because you "think" he's cheating doesn't mean he is. But, it does mean that there is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. You should talk to him about how you feel and see whats going on that you have lost the bond that you shared.
If he is cheating there will be signs - working late, grouchiness, etc. But don't accuse him unless you have some proof. A good way to find out is to pick up his cell phone in front of him or attempt to answer it - if he throws a fit or tries to take it from you, you can bet something shady is going on.
2006-08-14 10:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe. But, be very, very careful before you start accusing him of things you can't back up. It will cause hurt feelings and do major damage to what already sounds like a stressed relationship. If you find out for sure that he is cheating, make sure you are ready for what he tells you once you confront him about it. Don't go in all hot headed and scream accusations at him. Make sure you are in total control of your emotions and things will go better for you and you will definitely have the upper hand.
2006-08-14 10:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by The Nana of Nana's 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are probably right. Have you ever heard of the saying, always follow your gut instincts, well, in this case that is what i would do. Your gut instinct is always right. You may also try going through his things when he is not around, say in the shower or bed. If he has a cell phone try checking all his calls that he has made and received. Also, if he is acting differently then usual then your feeling is right.
2006-08-14 10:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it doesn't sound like there's much doubt. Unless he's planning a secret bday or anniversary, he's hiding something.
You need to confront him. That change in habits is disturbing.
Good luck.
2006-08-14 10:49:46 · answer #7 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most women have this feeling and can tell when something is not right, and most of the time you are right. I would do some snooping and check things out. It might be something small, but it could be cheating as well. Go with your gut.
2006-08-14 10:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go with your first mind. Usually it is correct. Before confronting him, just watch and analyze him. Is he doing things differently, you should know after 17 years. Are their any changes that you recognize in his daily routines?
If so, then confront him and ask him. Most likely he will deny it, but bring up the changes that you see he is making and ask why.
2006-08-14 10:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by WANDERER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES HE IS CHEATING ON YOU!!!!!!!! If you have to wonder- he is. There are tools to find out if you really want to know- google search online for cheating spouses. But to save you some money----yes- he is cheating- so now what are you gonna do??? There are alot of STDs out there.
2006-08-14 11:56:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋