My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years. We have a beautiful baby boy together. She is in the military and I am a real estate agent in Washington. Things between us have been rocky for the last 2-3 years, and we both have made mistakes in the past. I confess, almost daily, my love for her and my desire to make her happy. She has been restation to Japan with the Air Force, and we had made a commitment to work out our differences within a three month time frame, untill we were together again. It's been about 2 1/2 months, and just recently she has confessed that she has been spending time with someone else. She swears that her developing relationship with this person is not the reason for wanting to end our marriage, but I can't see how it doesn't have something to do with it. How can one save a marriage when the other doesn't wan, t to stay with you? The Lord says that marriage is a covenant, but she says that we argue too much. What should I do?
2006-08-14 09:54:38 · 26 answers · asked by matthewaplummer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If the person she is messing with is also in the military, you can cause him and possibly her to get in trouble, disciplined or even discharged, since adultery is viewed as an offense by the military. You need to have definite proof. If you are interested in following this course of action, check with a civilian lawyer that is familiar with military law( the Uniform code of Military Justice). That's what you should do! Don't let her know what your plans are. The final call is yours. She is "screwing you over". Give her a taste of her own medicine. If you don't want to see a lawyer, visit her section commander. He or she will call her in and let her know that you are about to take some action concerning her and the other person, if they also happen to be in the military! It will also scare her, knowing that she is jeopardizing her military career.
2006-08-14 10:26:43 · answer #1 · answered by macfifty06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough position, because unless she wants to work at your marriage you can't really force her to. The only thing you can do is ask her to give it another chance and point out that the grass is not going to be greener with this new person that she found. I also find it hard to believe that her wanting a divorce has nothing to do with this new person. She probably feels a connection to the new person (which she doesn't have with you) and she thinks that it's going to be peaches and cream - things that are new and exciting usually look promising, when in reality they aren't any better or different.
The only thing you can do is tell her you want to try again and that you both can share the love and bond that you once had if she is willing. Suggesting marriage counseling would be a good thing and help you build your marriage up again. Best of luck.
2006-08-14 10:08:33 · answer #2 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her to make sure this is what she really really wants, because there is no turning back. (the grass is NOT greener on the other side!) Tell her you love her and you want to make your marriage work, but if she doesn't then you can't stop her, but that you won't be waiting for her to pick up the pieces when it ends with this other person. Believe me, it will. She will find out soon enough. Sounds like she didn't keep the commitment you made. She was working out something other than your differences while she has been in Japan. So sorry for you. Best of luck.
2006-08-14 11:01:21 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like your wife has already moved on. But the only thing I can tell you to do is try talking to her and maybe try to get the both of you in some marriage counseling. If you really want your marriage to work then you need to do everything possible. The only thing is, is that if your wife don't want to work things out then don't pressure her. Move on and maybe some where down the line she will realize what she lost. The more you pressure her about keeping your marriage together the less of a result you are going to get. Ease up on her. You can not make someone stay in a marriage if they don't want to.
2006-08-14 10:03:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your confusion more than you know..I too went through this very situation..Both of you really need to discuss this..One thing you do need to think about is she said yall argued too much...if that is right then both of you need to see what all the arguing really stemmed from...Talk and see if for any reason this marriage can last...If not then I am sorry but you have no choice but to get a divorce no matter how painful it is..But at the same time dont go looking so fast..Allow yourself time to heal completely instead of jumping into another relationship..If you dont then you will carry this pain into the next one and will make that one rougher to deal with...God help you in this journey you now find yourself in...
2006-08-14 10:11:43 · answer #5 · answered by glowworm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im stationed at McChord and the way this base is the guy is probably from her shop. Cause there seem to be a looot of assholes around here. If you find out he is you should DEFINATELY turn them in. The guy would get in so much crap and more then likely stay away from your wife. I know that may not be the most mature thing to do but, honestly I wouldnt care. I would do whatever it takes to keep my marriage. Goodluck to you!
2006-08-14 10:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by fawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's already checked out of the marriage. I would guess the only thing at this point is that you can ask her to go to counseling. My brother just went thru this. She found someone else. After 3 yrs of crap...they divorced. If the signs are all there---and it seems hopeless---it probably is. I would suggest some counseling for yourself so that you can be a good dad to your son. He's going to need it.
2006-08-14 10:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by crazymom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What should you do? Sounds like you've done all you can do. Relationships just don't work as a one way street. If she's become involved with someone else, then I'd say it's about as good as over. I'm not sure if that's what she is saying though (based on what you've told us). If she isn't willing to work at having a romantic relationship with you and you only, then what else can you do? Move on perhaps?
2006-08-14 10:01:09 · answer #8 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course the affair has something to do with it.
Your marriage is a sham. There's nothing holy about it at this point. If you feel the need, discuss it with your pastor. But I'm fairly certain he will offer counselling, followed by spiritual reasons why divorce is the best option.
2006-08-14 10:00:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW I am sorry this is happening to you..I have been through a divorce myself..it's not something you ever plan on....Find out besides the arguing what the reason she does not want to work it out. It really doesn't help she has a man on the side either....that is seriously jeopardizing rational thinking. Good Luck
2006-08-14 10:05:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jesabel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋