My married lover is in love with me, he does lots for me, he puts up with me, he cares for me, he hurts when ever I do try to break up with him, so why is it so hard to see this from you outsiders, like it's impossible. It happens. They do not have any children, just a dog.
2006-08-14 09:41:39 · 19 answers · asked by tami78731 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey sweety been there - done that - he is NOT going to leave his wife. Just deal with it.
2006-08-14 09:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused here about what you want to know.
Can a married man be in love with his mistress? Yes.
Can a married man not be sexually interested in his wife? Of course.
As much as it sucks, you two can't continue to carry on behind her back. He needs to tell her about you and break it off with her, or break up with you to work things out with her. If he is unwilling to do either, then he's not worth your time girl. There are a lot of decent men out there, don't get hung up on one that wants to string you along on the sidelines of his marriage. As much as he says he loves you, and as hurt as he is when you are mad, he should be doing something about it. Having an affair is not only a lousy thing to do to the wife, it's just as bad to the mistress. You are getting your hopes up about this relationship. He may break it off with you, he may break it off with her, or if he's like many men, he'll try to keep you both.
The only thing that is important here for your sake is this:
Can you live with the relationship going on like this forever? Can you be the other woman for the rest of your life? Can you handle not ever having a marriage of your own because you pinned all your dreams on him?
If not, make him choose, you or the wife. If he chooses you, tell him that you won't sleep with him again until he tells his wife. If he says he has, but they are still living togeather a week later, you've gotten the real answer. He'll never leave her for you. You are just a side piece to him.
You sound like a very insecure woman to me. The "he puts up with me" makes me think you really believe that no other man would. It doesn't sound like love, it sounds like a security blanket relationship. You don't have to be single; you don't have to be vularable to men and love; and you don't have to risk a real commitment; you don't have to put yourself out there for acceptence or rejection; and you don't have to worry about him asking more than you can give. He gets everything at home from another woman, but he gets the sexual fantasy with you. There is no such thing as a great man that has an affair. If he was so wonderful, he'd tell his wife he wasn't happy and they would end the relationship. He wouldn't sneak around with someone else. Most people that have an affair have no intention of divorce, they just want some sex.
2006-08-14 17:05:51 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok from watching a marriage wreck in the making.. o.k
my uncle was married.. she had kids he didn't.. he had a affair with a girl from his high school days, she got p.g... he did end up leaving his wife..but.. get this.. for a girl that was not even 18.. yep.. left his lover and his wife for a kid.. he was in his 30's..
The wife new he was cheating and thought he was with the mother of his son.. the lover thought he was with his wife..
Once a cheater.. always a cheater.. and now.. he is a lonely old man.. no teeth and pot belly..
2006-08-14 17:02:30 · answer #3 · answered by Ibdreamin099 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any honorable man would not cheat on his wife or would leave his wife if what you say is true.
Any self respecting woman would never be with a married man. She would expect better from life.
What do you mean you "try" to break up...you do it or you don't. Change your ph#, email, even address if you have to...get a real boyfriend, one that you can vacation with, have a wedding with, buy a beautiful home with, have children with etc.
What do you have with this loser...nothing...and 5 yrs. from now you will have been in the same boat floating nowhere...just getting older.
2006-08-14 17:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by moddfemm 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are saying all but, BUT he still isn't with you ONLY. He's still married to her. Oh they can't divorce because the dog would not be able to handle it and he would have to pay what, dog support, of course he does alot for you you are a kept woman a concubine they call that in other parts of the world, and hurts when you try to break up, he would have to find someone else to have sex with and put up with this crap. If he's not sexually interested in his wife why does he not divorce her and go with who he is sexually interested in, it may not be you, could be someone else he's feeding this bullshit to.
2006-08-18 13:41:21 · answer #5 · answered by moglie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The point is that he doesn't love you as much as he loves his wife - if he did he wouldn't still be married. Married men usually do not leave their wives. He might not be getting the sex he wants from his wife, which is why he's with you - but he obviously loves her a lot to still be with her. Best thing you can do is move on and tell him to get into marriage counseling with his wife.
2006-08-14 17:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you more than he loved his wife, he'd be married to you, not her.
Anything else you try to tell yourself otherwise is just rationalization and self-deception.
And of course he's going to hurt when you try to leave him - he's already got you trained. If you left he'd have to go find another mistress who's as willing to be second-fiddle to his wife.
2006-08-14 17:16:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if a married man is in love with his mistress and not be sexually interest in his wife.. it's time for him to tell his wife and leave her.. so both parties can move on with their lives...
2006-08-14 17:19:23 · answer #8 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that, he will not leave his wife, he will walk away from you and never look back, even if he left his wife, what comes around goes around you will be the wife next time, and the new girl will be asking the same question as you are right now
2006-08-14 17:00:05 · answer #9 · answered by jennaslab 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure they can be in love with the mistress but most of the time when they say they don't have sex with their wife they are lieing,they just tell you what they think you want to hear
2006-08-15 01:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by tarzan's lady again 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋