Has anyone in the lesbian community ever heard of or done this before?

Question

My sister-in-law (my husband's sister) is a lesbian and my husband and I are very close to his sister and her life partner. They have been together for a really long time and we love them both a whole lot. They asked us to something for them that we've never heard of before so we wanted to find out if this is something common or if anyone has heard of it before.

The two of them would like to have a child that they can raise together. Rather then adopting, they'd like to have a child naturally. So, they came up to my husband and asked that he be the one to make the male's contribution to a child. The reason is that my sister-in-law and her life partner want his stuff is so that they can say the child truly shares both mother's DNA (since my husband and his sister share DNA).
Additionally, they do not want to a fertility clinic to get this done. They would like my husband to be intimate with the other woman (not his sister...yuk).

Anyone heard of this before?

Having sex with her is not that big of a deal because we are swingers. However, this brings new added dimentions to the fabric of a family. He feels honored that they would ask him to do this, but we're both unsure if it's a good idea.

So, we're looking for thoughts, opinions, and other comments about this.

PLEASE don't be rude about this.

Answer 1

I understand where they are coming from. Here are some things that you might want to seriously think thru. Are you and your husband prepared to sign adoption papers and forego all legal claims to the child? Are you also prepared to fully respect all of their parenting decisions and support them as you would any other couple (as well as stay out of their decision-making)? If they were to move to the other side of the country, could you accept and not have an issue with them essentially removing the child from your life? If they were to split, will you be able to stay out of custody issues? And, can you do these things knowing in your heart that they are right? If you can, I think it is about the most wonderful gift you can give the world.

Answer 2

Yes about 10 years ago, one of our lesbian couples asked brother to donate his Sperm. He did and the couple had a boy. When the brother got married (3 years after the birth if his nephew) the new bride was shocked about the donation. She thought it was not right since she wanted to be one to give her husband his first child. At a BBQ gathering it was very obvious that the wife wanted nothing to do with the child. The boy has a very healthy relationship with his uncle (never considers himself the father) and his two children know the nephew as cousin.
I do not know about sleeping with the donor in order to get pregnant. Might cause some problems done the line. Look into home insemination kits. You can find them on-line.

Answer 3

Ok this so cool and all . but will your husband be able to detach himself from this child? You know being and uncle not a father.

and my question is do you have kids with him? becouse for now it would sound good but as she changes and she is carrying your husbands seed it will change you also.

if you giys have kids already and he can detach himself from this all the you guys should be in good shape.

i mean if a mother can have kids for her dauther and with all the sperm donations in the world this should be cool . But i suggest you guys go to counseling first and work out all the details . But also how does your sister in law really feel about her partner being intamate with your husband i dont think that part is a good idea . That would be one step further than the call of duty .

i'm sorry but i think he should go put it in a cup and for her to use a turkey baster at least she can say she got her pregnant ...lol .

i dont mean to be crude but that part i would not be ok with even thuogh you are swingers having a baby with someone is very intamate more than you know.

Answer 4

I have heard of lesbians giving birth (a couple who both got pregnant by a couple of gay men) however in your situation I would be wary of completing the act. Speak to a fertility/surrogate parent counsillor if possible.
Maybe try and DIY it rather than going through with the act, she may not get pregnant first time and do you really want your husband doing that repeatedly with someone else.
Also, if you decide to go ahead, get some legal advice. would your husband have to contribute financially if the couple broke up......
Sorry, I've giving you more questions than answers

Answer 5

yes it is normal i would like my brother to donate for my partner for the same reason

but there is a way to do it where the sister will have more part in it that she thought she could

if your husband puts it in a cup then his sister can put the sperm in her partner and then they can go at it so that the child was really conseved during them makeing love to each other


it really does work this way that is how we got our first son

( not my brothers child)

all they have to do is start tracking her ovulation and get the timeing right and by the way if his sis ter can get her partner to have a org. right after she puts the sperm in that helps the chances of it takeing email me if you want more info

Answer 6

I have heard of everything but allowing your husband to have sex with her life partner.

Honestly though, adoption isn't a bad thing.

As a matter of fact, many social services departments WANT gay and lesbian couples to adopt, because they KNOW how to cope with intolerance, and KNOW they have an abundance of love to give.

My one concern, with them wanting your husband to contribute "that way", is wondering about their financial stability. This situation just reeks of "we can't afford the other way" without them or you saying it.

If they can't afford that, then they may not to be able to afford the child...and you will always have to explain that your husband parented a child...does he really want to be an uncle when he would be a father?

Answer 7

I've heard of this, but have to wonder about emotional attachments and parental rights later, not to mention the kid noticing that s/he looks an awful lot like "Uncle" Whatshisname. How can y'all explain it?

My wife and I contemplated having my brother donate sperm to her, but all of us decided against it, because he admitted that he would be very upset over the idea of having me raise his child. From what I hear, it comes up much more often in theory than in fact.

Answer 8

I'm trying to look at this from an objective point of view. I'm totally 100% monogamous so the idea of sharing my partner with anyone....male or female....sends me into spasms. In tryijng to be objective, though, if all parties are totally ok with 1) the intimacy and 2) the legalities.....then go for it!!!

Answer 9

Did the couple specifically say that they wanted your husband to be physically intimate with the woman or did they simply ask her to give his sperm? I can understand them asking him to lend his sperm so that the baby would have the DNA, but having him be intimate with her, is a little too much for me.

Answer 10

I see no problem except for him having to be intimate with the other woman. you say you're swingers, so, if that really doesn't bother you, then I guess that's ok. but, as a lesbian, if i were that women, I'd rather have artificial insemination than have to have sex with a man...