I'm a man with a fairly bad temper. I tend to have no in-between. I am either well, or furious. My temper is so bad, I tend to seclude myself when I am angry to avoid violence.
Yet, even I can't comprehend why a man would abuse his wife. In my fervant opinion, any man that abuses his wife or children is a coward. He does so, because he knows he can't bully men. He feels empowered abusing the weaker.
2006-08-14 09:29:57 · 25 answers · asked by man_id_unknown 4 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
You got it right on the money. They are losers,
2006-08-14 09:34:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Abuser behavior in anybody thrives on control... the anger is a natural response, believe it or not, to your expectations being not satisfied. How you handle that response is a choice. I suggest you develop a coping mechanism otherwise you are aslo a candidate for abusive behavior. (And you have a good habit to stay away, but you also have to channel that anger) I suggest running. It really keeps things under control and it's beneficiary to you for your own health. I agree with you that a man who abuses his wife or children is are cowards. The mark of a real man is self control. Anybody can tell you that. A man without self control is like a very large bully - 2 year old throwing a temper tantroom because he wants attention and wants to beat up everybody...
Anyway, if you are aware that your temper gets the better of you sometimes, try to get to the bottom of this. A lot of times it's a hormonal issue... don't laugh - not only women are hormonal, they just have more kinds of hormons to deal with. Other times it's a nutritional thing. Whatever it is, that anger should be under control. Anger that is not properly managed will hurt you ultimatelly. Heart problems spring out of anger. An uncle of mine was like that... he would be angry all the time. And beat up his wife and 5 children, and make his wife carry heavy pails with cement while pregnant! Well, he lasted about twelve years in that marriage, he had a stroke and dies in 3 days. And all of us said "good riddance", nobody cried at his grave. His children however marked for life, were finally relieved. His wife never remarried.
There's places where your bad temper is very useful. It's a defense mechanism.. Say someone robs your house or try to hurt your family. You can bring hell on the perp. You're completely justified.
My sister has been married twice with abusive men. The general idea about these men is that they have a great handicap. They are both perfectionists and can't achieve anything in life that will give them satisfaction. In their own eyes they are losers, but they will act like gods. Losers are abusers. (maybe not all) But they don't have respect from people, or self respect, and so they resolve to abuse. The thing about abuse is that it never stops there. Once you beat up some woman or child you have a greater urge to strike the next time, and this vice becomes more demanding.
To the extreme abuser it becomes a sexual thing seeing people suffer out of their own hands. They actually go off on that, can you believe that? Creepy??? It hapends all the time! I could go on, but I'll stop here.
2006-08-15 01:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by Pivoine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has spent time studying about and questioning abusive people I have come to some conclusions, right or wrong depends on the person as there can be no wide sweeping generality about any group that incompasses all individuals in that group. But, many abusers do feel the need to lash out toward their wife or child(ren) because they feel inadequate around other more dominant people. Others tend to do it because they know no other way to show love other than to cause pain then apologize, and some women know no other way to be loved (thus many women return to relationships like this). Others tend to do it because no one has ever stepped in and showed them how wrong it is, basically a good sound thrashing would enlighten some of these people but no one wants to be involved in these type situations. Generally, there are many reasons to abuse people, it all boils down to a lack of respect for the person...
Without respect there is no love
Without love why would someone stay in this relationship
2006-08-14 09:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by andychuck 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For the most part, I think it has to do with misplaced frustration and anger. It seems that some people who can't resolve their own issues at the necessary time and place, carry that anger and frustration forward to a familiar place (their home and loved ones) and vent because they are in their own comfort zone. They assume that their loved ones will not retaliate in any way.
For men who abuse their wives and children--and it could be the other way around where the wife strikes out at her husband and children--these people need to learn how to resolve their own problems and frustrations. If someone upsets you, you take it up with them and if you have a problem, solve it.
The golden rule is--leave everything outside the door and then go into the house.
2006-08-14 10:39:54 · answer #4 · answered by Call Me Babs 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My experience was that he was an alcohlic and didn't care about life,He saw his mother go through it as a young child and thought it was ok too,. I went throught abuse and was able to walk away, but many other women may not. A man should not make any excuse for abusing a woman, it is wrong, There are no reasons really other then his pleasure in doing it or else he would not do it
2006-08-14 11:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Usually men will lash out at those close to them in an effort to quench the fire of some other problem they are having deep down. It is called misplaced anger. You have to look inside you and come up with what is really bothering you. Its not your wife or children. It may be something you feel you are inadequate at which is bothering you and which you can't control - so you seek your revenge on the people who you care about most. Address the real issue and your anger will dissipate.
2006-08-14 09:40:56 · answer #6 · answered by catseyz101 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you just answered your own question. "He feels empowered abusing the weaker". Yet, men may also feel THREATENED by their wives...let's say, if a wife makes more money or has a better job position than her husband. The husband may feel that she is questioning his authority of "manhood" and acts upon this impulse. This, of course, is no excuse for domestic abuse.
It's good that you try to seclude yourself when you are in a foul mood.
There are many other reasons for domestic abuse other than money and power, though.
2006-08-14 10:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by abby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fifteen 12 months-previous son is sitting no longer 5 ft from me, enjoying XBOX-stay together with his associates jointly as i exploit his computer. he's slightly taller than me, with hair that lays in comfortable waves, and which rather desires trimmed yet he refuses a cut back. he's skinny, painfully so, and can't weigh extra advantageous than a hundred thirty pounds. He and his associates are looking for for device faults on the recent Rainbow 6 interest he offered the former day, and from what i will tell they are having a spectacular time. His Easter candy is in a bowl between his ft, and his mattress room floor is affected with the aid of Starburst wrappers. He is time-honored with i'm tucking some money into his wallet for a planned holiday to Pittsburgh on Monday, and he's carried out no longer something yet communicate pertaining to to the clothing he desires to purchase on the mall after my generic practitioner appointment. that's what formative years would desire to be. twiddling with associates, ingesting candy and looking out forward to an afternoon in the city. no longer beating your self bloody and enduring crucifixion. purely examining this tale makes me decide to cry.
2016-10-02 01:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend who counsels abusive men says that it's a control issue. Men who abuse are trying to control the person they're abusing. It's not an "anger-management" issue, as a person can learn to control his anger and yet still want to control someone else.
2006-08-14 12:46:21 · answer #9 · answered by Leila 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
any man that abuses his wife or children is a coward
this is true no guy should ever lye a hand on a women or child but i got another question i had this friend of mine well he's no longer my friend but every time he drank he would go crazy and beat his wife why does drinking cause this when i drank it don't do anything to me but relax me
2006-08-14 12:40:34 · answer #10 · answered by thing s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
congrats on knowing how to work with your anger and to be honest from what i understand it is a feeling of control and to dominate over others weaker then oneselfs.
I have a horrible temper and find going for walks and biking help
2006-08-14 09:36:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋