Why does it always feel like the first time?

Question

My husband and I are very sexually active but every time we make love it feels like the first time for me; it hurts like a mother for the first few minutes then its ok but still tight. My husband was my first, we have been together for 5 1/2 years so it shouldn't hurt anymore. He loves it of course (duh) but I am worried there is something wrong with me. Is it normal for it to hurt EACH TIME?

I need to add that my husband is average size and that it is a painful good feeling if that makes any sense.

I am super wet, moist and dripping when penetration occurs and I don't bleed.

Answer 1

You may not be getting sexually aroused before you do the deed. Try oral to get you ready. If it still hurts, there is a problem. It may be Dyspareunia. It is pain during sexual intercourse.

The pain of dyspareunia may be superficial, occurring in the genital area (in the vulva, including the opening of the vagina), or deep, occurring within the pelvis due to pressure on internal organs. The pain may be burning, sharp, or cramping.

Superficial pain during sexual intercourse has many causes. When women have sexual intercourse the first time, the membrane that covers the opening of the vagina (hymen), if still intact, may tear as the penis enters the vagina, causing pain and sometimes bleeding. When the vagina is inadequately lubricated, intercourse may be painful. (Inadequate lubrication usually results from insufficient foreplay or from the decrease in estrogen levels after menopause.) Inflammation or infection in the genital area (for example, affecting the vulva, vagina, or Bartholin's glands) or in the urinary tract can make intercourse painful. Herpes can cause severe genital pain. Other causes include injuries in the genital area, a diaphragm or cervical cap that does not fit properly, an allergic reaction to contraceptive foams or jellies or to latex condoms, a congenital abnormality (such as a rigid hymen or an abnormal wall within the vagina), and involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles (vaginismus). Sexual intercourse may be painful for women who have had surgery that narrows the vagina (for example, to repair tissues torn during childbirth or to correct a pelvic floor disorder (see Pelvic Floor Disorders). Taking antihistamines can cause slight, temporary dryness of the vagina. During breastfeeding, the vagina may become dry because estrogen levels are low.

As women age, the lining of the vagina thins and becomes dry because estrogen levels decrease. This condition is called atrophic vaginitis. As a result, intercourse may be painful.

Deep pain after sexual intercourse may result from an infection of the cervix, uterus, or fallopian tubes. Other causes include endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease (including pelvic abscess), pelvic tumors (including ovarian cysts), and bands of scar tissue (adhesions) that have formed between organs in the pelvis after an infection or surgery. Sometimes one of these disorders results in the uterus bending backward (retroversion). The ligaments, muscles, and other tissues that hold the uterus in place may weaken, resulting in the uterus dropping down toward the vagina (prolapse (see When the Bottom Falls Out: Prolapse in the Pelvis). Such changes in position can result in pain during intercourse. Radiation therapy for cancer may cause changes in the tissues that make intercourse painful.

Psychologic factors can cause superficial or deep pain. Examples are anger or repulsion toward a sex partner, fear of intimacy or pregnancy, a negative self-image, and a traumatic sexual experience (including rape). However, psychologic factors may be difficult to identify.

Diagnosis and Treatment

The diagnosis is based on symptoms: when and where the pain occurs and when intercourse began to be painful. To try to identify the cause, a doctor asks the woman about her medical and sexual history and performs a pelvic examination.

Women should abstain from intercourse until the problem resolves. However, sexual activity that does not involve vaginal penetration can continue.

Superficial pain can be reduced by applying an anesthetic ointment and by taking sitz baths. Liberally applying a lubricant before intercourse may help. Water-based lubricants rather than petroleum jelly or other oil-based lubricants are preferable. Oil-based products tend to dry the vagina and can damage latex contraceptive devices such as condoms and diaphragms. Spending more time in foreplay may increase vaginal lubrication. Deep pain may be reduced by using a different position for intercourse. For example, a position that gives the woman more control of penetration (such as being on top) or that involves less deep thrusting may help.

More specific treatment depends on the cause. If the cause is thinning and drying of the vagina after menopause, using a topical estrogen cream or suppository or taking estrogen by mouth (as part of hormone therapy (see Menopause: Hormone Therapy) can help.

Inflammation and infection are treated with antibiotics, antifungal drugs, and other drugs as appropriate (see Some Vaginal Infections). If the cause is inflammation of the vulva (vulvitis), applying wet dressings of aluminum acetate solution may help. Surgery may be needed to remove cysts or abscesses, open a rigid hymen, or repair an anatomic abnormality. A poorly fitting diaphragm should be replaced with one that fits and is comfortable, or a different method of birth control should be tried.

If the cause of pain is the position of the uterus, a pessary, which resembles a diaphragm and is inserted into the vagina, can support and reposition the uterus. Using a pessary reduces the pain in some women.

Answer 2

Ok I have this same issue (only been with my current boyfriend) and I'm suuper petite and obviously that part of me is small too. I'm not sure exactly, but I've come to conclude that when you're that tiny in there, he has to angle exactly right for it not to pressure the firm strong walls inside you....when you e had kids and are older (looser) it's easier to enter and just opens right up. I don't wanna get too graphic here, but I have to initially help my boyfriend re-situate his angle before even going past the entrance or else it'll just take longer to her comfortable or I won't through the whole time, period. I know it sounds obvious (like it's not brain surgery, it's a hole and and object entering it) but you really do have to have him go in right in the first place. For me it's a lot further back than it would seem and angled towards my tailbone...guys tend to want to aim straight up, that does NOT feel good, nor does it work. Also I've had the same confusion with beig lubricated

Answer 3

It depdns on how large a penis your husband has. IF he is well endowed then yes, it could be normal for it to start off uncomfortable. Another factor that plays into comfort during lovemaking it whether or not your wet enough. Lubrication can become a problem as a woman ages, so I would suggst finding a water soluable lubricant to keep handy, and see if that doesnt help with the discomfort. If none of these suggestions work, make an appointment with your gyno to rule out any infection.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

You're just small or hubby is huge. Just like guys can be different sizes so can women. You won't get a whole lot bigger then your norm of where you are supposed to be. With that said, if it is a big enough problem for you talk to your GYN. There are small surgical procedures that can fix the problem. It's done after child birth all the time. Most of the time it's done for the flip side of the problem...but it can be to make you a little bigger too.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

This is usually a case of not enough lubrication. Make sure your husband spends some extra time getting you fully wet and ready before he enters you.

Answer 7

No, this is not normal and you should see your doctor. Pain with intercourse equals a problem, especially after being together over 5 years. I wouldn't put this off if I were you. Go see your doc soon.

Answer 8

Since you say it feels like first time everytime, then I guess you just tense up your vaginal muscles during initial penetration, just the way you did during your first ever vaginal penetration. It is a great feeling. To make it easy, either ask him to lubricate his penis or just suck on it till it is wet before it enters your vagina.

Answer 9

I have heard of women with unusually small vaginal canals you may fall into this catergory also does he do foreplay because if he is just entering you without getting you excited first that could also be the issue (try some lubricants also)

Answer 10

well my wife and i have been together for 5 and 1/2 years also and it too feels like her first time but i am not her first, she says it hurts alittle to start but then she is fine, i wouldn't worry about it as long as there is no blood