And did it feel awkward the first time? Because I feel awkward and that my son will judge me for being with a new man and not his father. Ive been divorced for 3 years now.
2006-08-14 08:53:44 · 15 answers · asked by brite star 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I meant your kid.
2006-08-14 08:55:19 · update #1
Being you didn't mention the age of your son I'll assume he's a teenager. Response to such a question is definitely dependent upon the maturity of the child and the ease of communication between the two of you. Sit down with your son and explain that fact you feel a need to meet someone of the opposite sex and form a relationship. Explain to your son nothing will ever come between your love for him. Plan an outing for the 3 of you with his interest in mind. If your son enjoys basebase for instance, plan an outing at a baseball game. Here's an important step in that first introduction. Ask your date to meet you at the game rather than pick the both of you up. Why? Because your son will not feel the date is in CONTROL, or feel threatened.
If things go well plan on your date picking the both of you up for the next outing. Remember..you're the one that makes the choice when picking a date you feel comfortable with, not your son. Don't choose a possible life mate after what you consider would be your SON'S choice. Although you can't completely ignore compatability in choosing. Your son will eventually leave the nest and you will be with the mate you choose (hopefully :) ) for the rest of your life.
2006-08-14 09:17:23 · answer #1 · answered by Acklafan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids, while judgmental, are surprisingly resilient and understanding, especially in this day and time. A lot of times, the child's main focus is that his or her parents are happy as well, and they sense when things aren't. Of course, the first time is always awkward, for both the adult and the child. It's definitely a good idea to do something entertaining in a group setting with people that the child feels comfortable with: one of his friends, cousins, etc. Activities like minitiare golf or bowling bring out friendly competition without the pressure to "get to know" the person.
2006-08-14 16:13:23 · answer #2 · answered by Candilaria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't introduce until you've been dating a while and feel like there is some kind of future...a mistake some parents make is introducing nearly everyone they go out with to their child/ren and then if things dont' work out, the kids (esp young ones) can be negatively affected...more adults coming into and then leaving their lives...
If you are comfortable introducing your "boyfriend" to your kid(s) then have him over for lunch or dinner when your child is there...let the child know ahead of time that a male friend is coming over, and it's someone that you really like, but make sure the child doesn't feel neglected as if you are spending more time with your new beau than you are with him.
Don't worry about your son judging you...he's not living your life...it is your obligation to raise him to the best of your ability, but that doesn't include twisting your social life to suit his judgements...he's just a kid...he thinks like a kid...if he's quite young, then he's not going to have a grasp of an adult's desire to have a partner, for intimacy, someone to share life with that is on their level, etc...
You don't need your child's approval to date...but do make sure he knows he's still #1 in your life, as he should be.
2006-08-14 16:01:34 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Introduce your new guy to your son by doing something that they will both enjoy, like going to a movie or just playing legos together. They need to forge a new friendship too and you can't be meddling in it. Let it happen naturally and all will be good. If your son doesn't want to meet anyone new, then maybe you could sit him down and let him know that you love him (your son) and that he will always be your #1 guy, but you also want to have an adult friend that can do stuff with you both. It depends on how old your son is, on how you deal with that. It doesn't have to be awkward. Relax mom.
2006-08-14 16:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by joandi_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first sit down with my child and make sure that he/she understands that mommy and daddy still care about each other very much but it just wasn't working out. That it's not his/her fault. Then I would ease into a conversation about the guy I am interested in. If I had a photo of him I would show it to my child so that he/she would be familiar with him if he/she ever saw him. Then I would ask him/her how he/she felt about it. Depending on his/her reaction I would proceed accordingly. Hopefully he/she would be understanding. Then I would invite the guy to a family gathering. It will feel awkward at first but if your family are cool people and non judgemental then everything should work out fine. Good luck.
2006-08-14 16:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by gemone523 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if the relationship is going somewhere. You don't want your kid getting the wrong idea. Go somewhere your kid is familiar with and likes to do for all of you to be involved. It will take time for a kid to warm up to someone new. How old is your kid? The younger your child is the easier it is for them to forget if things don't work out. Good Luck!
2006-08-14 16:03:20 · answer #6 · answered by jewl_8098 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to do it in a gradual way. All three of you should go out for dinner, and before the person you're seeing gets there, you have to sit your son down and tell him that you're seeing someone that you like and you want him to meet this person because his feelings are important to you.
The age of course matters. I did this with my two girls at 4 and 5 and they love my bf as he loves them like his own.
Take your time and be sure to ask your son how he feels.
Good Luck.
2006-08-14 16:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
out doors in a family type setting, not at home on the couch
Your son will judge regardless. Lets just hope the new man is not a rebound and a honest love, especially if he is metting your kids.
2006-08-14 15:57:30 · answer #8 · answered by Xae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to just start bringing him around. Invite him to dinner, "run" into him at random places, include him in things. Just introduce him as a friend at first to see how he clicks with your son. You also need to remember that although you want them to get along, you can't let your son rule your love life. If he sees you give up once just b/c he is upset he will continue to play that card.
2006-08-14 16:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your son that any man you date can never replace his father, nor do these men intend to replace his father.
To break the ice between them, I suggest you three do something fun together (i.e. go to a sporting event, the park, hiking, going to a museum, the beach, etc). Make everything as casual as possible and give your son time to adjust.
Make sure you never force him to like anyone you date. He'll only resent you if you do that.
2006-08-14 16:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by Natasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋