What do I do?

Question

My son, 10, has ADHD. He is off his meds right now because his doctor is on maternity leave.
I've learned to let him have his episodes when he has a bad day.
My husband on the other hand can't handle him. He's always hated our son. Just today he hit him in the head with his hand and then threw a cup at him because my son got frustrated and yelled at his dad. I'm tired of this happening. I've asked my husband to get help and he won't.
He is the main provider in the house, if he leaves, me and 5 kids are left eith nothing. What do I do? He needs counseling and he won't go. I'm tired of him being so mean to our son? How can you hate your own child?

we actually took him off his meds for the summer, i didn't think he really needed to be on them when he was home with me. i felt he needed a break from the meds.

Answer 1

i understand your frustration i have a son (13) that has adhd. is is very hard to deal with kids with adhd. we have a hard time too. if you need to talk you can send me an email. we have much in common.

Answer 2

First of all, your doctor being on maternity leave doesn't seem like a logical reason for your child to be off of meds. Why not call another doctor at the clinic/hospital and getting meds? Secondly, your child does not deserve to be subjected to this. If your husband absolutely refuses to get help, you need to do what it takes to get out of this situation. It may seem impossible, but they always say "necessity is the mother of invention." Whether it means moving in with relatives or friends, utilizing social programs, getting a job or working more hours, even going into a women's shelter due to the abuse to your child...there is a way.

Answer 3

I don't think your husband hates his son. I think he is just stressed out. It is very hard to be the sole provider of your household and then to come home to a child that is very difficult to handle. Your husband should not be hitting anyone because even though he is frustrated, he shouldn't be taking out his anger on his child. I know a lot of people is going to tell you to leave him but none of us is walking in your shoes. None of us know what it is like to have a special needs child and no form of income to support that child. The most important thing you need to know as the adult, you must protect your child. His safety should be your first concern and unfortunately society isn't set up financially for someone in your situation. I would suggest getting your son back on medication to maintain his episodes and keep him away from your husband if possible. If you feel he is in danger then don't worry about how you are going to provide financially, you make the decisions to get him out of there. If you find that it is not that bad, then use this time to get yourself in order so you can provide financial support for yourself and your son. No abuse should be tolerated, no matter what financial situation you are in.

Answer 4

Sounds like it's time for you to make a hard decision. Which is more important, your son's well-being or your marriage? Your son may not have ADHD at all, he may just act up as a result of feeling the anger and disapproval of your husband. I know it won't be easy, but you should probably look into leaving this despicable man. Maybe you should try counseling for your self so you can find the courage to make the right decisions.

Answer 5

Dear Siren...

If you live in the USA then you can always call CPS, your mother, father other relatives to help you if he leaves.

It sounds like you need to see another doctor who can get the meds, but also like it's time for you to leave your husband. Now it will always come down to what YOU feel you must do, but if he's abusive it's not good for ANY of the kids or yourself.

I seriously sugest Child Protective Services

Answer 6

No matter how frustrated a parent gets, he/she should NEVER take it out on another family member, or ANYONE for that matter. You need to give you husband an ultimadum (sp?). Your children's lives are the most important thing right now. You could always go to a women's shelter until you get on your feet and get a job. Or if you have any friends or family I am sure they'd help you out. There's also Medicare for your son's medications, just go to your local dr office/ clinic and ask about it.

Answer 7

maybe you could give your son and you husband some st. john's wart , it's all natural maybe it will calm him and your husband should be told that he is a coward for being more childish than a 10 that is up to you of course, maybe you should find a work a home job, so that you have the choice to leave him or not, if he cant be half an adult then he shouldn't be parent

Answer 8

Well, i think your husband needs some meds!!
Only LOOSERS hit kids..
Too hit your own, that's as low as they come..
Do you have any family that can help you if you leave???
There is no reason that any child should receive ABUSE from there parent..
What a horrible man!!!
I think you need to leave, befor higher authorities catch wind of this and something serious happens...
Good luck too you..Keep loving you kids..

Answer 9

no father could hate his son. you have to talk this out with him and make him understand that it is not his fault that your son was born with adhd, and neither was it yours. really explain to him what adhd is and what is expected from every member of the family. you can do this with an adhd specialist around. this usually happens with mere ignorance of the situation.

but if the prob does not get resolved with this, ask your husband to leave. stay in the house with your 5 kids.

Answer 10

Oh hun, you need to leave. Who cares if you end up for a while on a shelter, at least your son is not going to hate you for not stoping this situation. There are lots of help out there, child support, food stamps, transitional assistance, you can study while you receive government help, get your kids counceling, you can get medicaid, or free care. So many options! Please for the sake of your kid and your relationship with him...leave.