I have 3 other questions that I have asked today that all connect. I really don't have anyone to talk to except you yahoo people which I am very greatful for. My husband is now telling me that if I don't get rid of my journals that he will leave me. What if I want to write a book when I get older or something my words will be forever gone. I asked him for my only friends phone number and he refused to give it to me and said that he does not want me to talk to anyone about his personal business. So who am I supposed to talk to then, no offense but stranges on yahoo for the rest of my life? I am willing to get rid of my journals but it won't erase what he knows in his head and I will still and always suffer from that. I love him so much and am willing to do anything to make him happy but not if it means I will be unhappy forever. What could I do? Any advise? Thanks to all who answer.
2006-08-14 08:03:41 · 11 answers · asked by babe112083 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is jealous and insecure.
not fun.
in any case if you are serious about staying with him then you might want to decide is this the battle you want to pick?
if he only recently found information that has thrown him off track give him a little time and respect that he has somethings he needs to deal with. they are his problems and you neither cuased them nor can you cure them.
however for the nonce I would suggest putting the journals somewhere where he won't have to deal with them and where you can get access to them once he has gotten past this phase.
perhaps store them at a relative's or friends house where you can get them when you need them but they won't sit there as a continual thorn in his side.
now this might be hard to here but no man wants any reminder that his wife has a history that does not include him, especially if that history involves lovers and sexual escapades. this is more true the younger the husband. so until he has mellowed about that sort of thing and realizes that the past is the past (and that is something he has to settle in his own head, you can't do it for him nor even lead him to do it) just remember that this is a touchy subject and ask yourself if is worth the fight, it may be, and if so remember this has the potential to be a very ugly battle. if it's not worth the fight then just be sensitive to to his current irrationality and realize that he is likely to eventually get past it.
give it a few months, if he hasn't gotten past it by then try couples counseling with an eye to dealing with the subject.
2006-08-14 08:19:40 · answer #1 · answered by jude D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hide the journals and add to them when he's not about. He sounds a bit controlling to me. The ultimatum of leaving you over journals is nothing more than a threat. Perhaps you can try to subltly talk to him and find out where his true insecurities lie. I've no idea how long you've been married but it doesn't sound like very long. If he's acting this way now, just imagine down the road. If you don't take any action, your preparing yourself for a lifetime of this behavior from him. If you loose the journals, I'll bet that in a few months he'll be telling you what you can and cannot wear.
2006-08-14 15:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
DON'T get rid of your writings for NOBODY!!!! If anything, perhaps consider keeping them as you complete them at a trusted family member/friends house???? OR a large safe deposit box at the bank......
By the way, you should completely fill up the pages of journal with:
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" written over and over again like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" and just leave it laying around the house....he will find it, open it up and read what you wrote and freak out...he might think you will come after him with a baseball bat! Anyway, just a thought.....
Good Luck to you!!
2006-08-14 15:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more I read your current and past questions the more I get ticked. Your past is your past. He should be thankful to have a wife who can be honest with him. It is not your problem that his past was so unfullfilling. He could have had a colorful past as well but HE chose different. So why must you pay for his past decisions?? Another thing, a marriage consists of 2 adults who compromise with each other for the well being of the marriage. It seems to me there is no compromising. Not with the withholding phone #'s and demanding that you throw away your journals. To be happy and have a successfull marriage you will need to stand up for yourself and how YOU feel. Don't sell yourself short and give into him. Demand respect for yourself. When he tries to make you feel like crap because he thinks of you with other men, don't fall for it. He is running a game, trying to get what is in his best interest, a 3some. His weapon of choice against you seems to be guilt. He is guilting you into a corner. You have to choose if this is the life you want now and forever. Do you want your child to see you bow down to his every whim? Do you want for your child to adopt these traits throughout adulthood? Do you want to be happy?? Please don't take offense to what I say. I feel that you are in a one sided marriage, one that is all about how he feels. Does he ever take your feelings into consideration? In order for him to demand of you the way he does, more or less tells me he don't. I hope the best for you and your family! Remember though, your in this marriage too and your say is just as important!
2006-08-14 15:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like a control freak, and personally I wonder why you've put up with it for so long already.
He wouldn't give you your friend's phone number? What, are you "not allowed" to talk to your friends? Sorry, but NO. That is NOT how a relationship is supposed to work.
If this is a common pattern of behavior for him, in my opinion you are better off without him. The relationship you're in is NOT healthy.
2006-08-14 15:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not get rid of the journals. He is jealous of what you have. Leave him before he hurts you physically and not just emotionally. Get out now. He is a control freak and will never be happy unless you do everything he tells you to. Life is too short.
2006-08-14 15:12:07 · answer #6 · answered by Kabu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to get rid of your husband and not your journals. He must be a control freak, self centered, immature, jealous of you, does not trust you and has no respect for you. I don't believe that anyone can have a meaningful relationship under those circumstances, personal freedom in a relationship is crucial, and as long as you remain faithful to him, you should be able to do as you please. You said that you love your husband, but, Are You Happy?
2006-08-14 15:36:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the journals. Get rid of the huband. He is too controlling and untrusting.
2006-08-14 15:09:13 · answer #8 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds extremely controlling and I'm afraid it will only get worse. The next thing you know, he will be telling you what kind of panties and bras to wear. I would be careful e-mail me six7@hotmail.com
2006-08-14 15:10:57 · answer #9 · answered by six7foru 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I rated every answer above mine as good. Listen to each of them, they have your best interest at heart and have given you good advice. Get out!!! NOW!!!
Vaya con DIOS
2006-08-14 15:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by chrisbrown_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋