Im a 20 year old single mom who found love in a 37 year old who has been divorced from his wife of ten years for less than a year. He has a 17 year old daugther and i have a 1 year old little boy. I think I'm doing the right thing, please help!
2006-08-14 07:45:13 · 28 answers · asked by hotrodmama19 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
age is nothing but a number be happy.
2006-08-14 07:51:02 · answer #1 · answered by MISSREBEL 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
NOT A GOOD IDEA.
All psychological studies come up with the same result: the loss of a spouse by death or divorce is such a major trauma that one takes about three years to recover one's equilibrium. He is currently on the rebound. It is not to say that you couldn't make it work, but the odds are very much against it at the moment: rebound, huge age difference, a stepdaughter nearly as old as yourself -
One is loath to say that you should totally call it quits because that sounds draconian and imperious and may be altogether too shattering for you; you should go slowly. In another two years the daughter will probably be out of the house at university, your fellow will be more together, and the extra knowledge that the two of you acquire during this time span will either deepen your relationship or show the flaws - before you are committed too deeply to one another.
There's something else to consider, though: you are 20 and have a year-old child - so you already went through some sort of relationship and all the attendant trauma. One can't say that you were impetuous because one can't know that, but perhaps it suggests that you should become more thoughtful about your relationships.
2006-08-14 08:00:48 · answer #2 · answered by kerangoumar 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your age difference is significant because he should be mature enough not to want the "intimacy" of a 20 year old. AND, if he's only been divorced for less than a year, he may be "in love with" you, but that ain't love. That's hormonal and emotional convulsing, and won't last long, once satisfied. And if he has a 17 year old daughter but just divorced a woman he's been married to for only 10 years, who's the mama here? If it's his recent ex-wife, then they don't have a very secure relationship history, and it's anther woman, you'd better check into his marital history. He's definitely not a secure investment. Having been a mental health practitioner for 20+ years, now retired, I can see a sociopath coming from miles away, and this "love" you all have is not healthy and you'll be in marital or relationship conflict in the not-too-distant future, for sure. So, get wise, girl, and step back, or you and your son will be living out whatever dysfunctions you both bring to the relationship, and it won't be fun for your son, who will have hell forming his own intimate relationships in his adult life. I'm very sure of what I'm saying, since I've had decades of diagnosing and counseling such situations. You might want to get some counseling for yourself by someone who knows something about dysfunctional families, and I mean REALLY KNOWS about it, and isn't just playing with categories of clients here. I bet there's some personal and family history of your own that needs working on, for your son's sake if not your own. God Bless you.
2006-08-14 08:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing wrong with this, but there are legal circumstances, right now, at this time, legally, you are still a child, because you are under 21. If this was to get nasty, with you being underage, (still 20), there could be problems on his end. Anyone under 21, with an older person, having sex or just a relationship period, the law looks at it as "statutory rape", on the older persons end, thats not my opinion, thats the law! I dont know how close you are to 21, but the fact still remains that you ARE STILL UNDERAGE. Stay with him, but keep it kinda quiet until you reach legal age, then go for it. Thats the best advice I can give.
2006-08-14 11:05:18 · answer #4 · answered by tennman012000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is nothing my wife is 32 me i'm 23 have one kid together 17 months and she has two from the previous marriage 12, 7 so you decide for youself but you will make everything work if your in love
2006-08-14 09:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by gardnermowerman01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age doesn't know love so that's OK...but be careful he has been married for so long and divorced for such short time, that's a long time to be with one person and then do life without them it takes adjustment and getting used to and during that time you go through all sorts of feelings of fear and loneliness, and alot of choices are made out of those emotions for that time. Make sure he is in love you also, but dont rush anything.
2006-08-14 07:58:58 · answer #6 · answered by brite star 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no just be friends. because i was married to an older man. we didn't have the same hopes and dreams. when there is that much of an age difference. the one person has been there done that where you haven't been there and done that. I am know divorced from the older man and i got married to a man 3 years younger than me and i have never been happier.
2006-08-14 07:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by ms01 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well i'm 15 and i'm in the same situation except that i'm the child looking at things....i think you should ask the kids how they feel about it before going really deep into the relationship. His daughter might feel alittle strange that her father is going out with somebody 3 years older than her. And you can't help who you love
2006-08-14 07:52:44 · answer #8 · answered by Nissy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if your heart beats for him Congratulations! Age aint nothing but a number if you love this man continue on and especially he love you and treats you with respect and gives you everything and take care of you and your son. I am in a similar relationship I am 28 and he is 48 and I am loving it .
2006-08-21 03:32:47 · answer #9 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is nothing but a number. if he makes you happy and u two are in love then you should be together... if he makes u happy then thats all theat matters.. be happy and live life to the fullest... dont ever pass up love because u could be giving up on ur soul mate and ur one TRUE love....
2006-08-19 08:24:03 · answer #10 · answered by Monkey_lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 33. Age is nothing but a number. If he makes you happy and he loves you, then thats all that matters. Follow your heart, thats what I did.
2006-08-18 17:54:41 · answer #11 · answered by curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋