Why do people keep asking me when I'm going back to work?

Question

Right now I am a stay at home mom with an 11 month old baby boy. I had my first son who is now 23 when I was very young and worked full time (sometimes with 2 jobs) since he was two weeks old and raised him by myself. I just re-married 3 years ago and have been blessed with another son. I stopped working right before he was born and my husband likes for me to be home with him. People keep asking me "When are you going back to work"? My sister-in-law keeps trying to get me a job. We are doing fine finacially so why are they so concerned. I cook, clean, shop, do laundry, maintain the yard and most of all take care of my baby 24/7 so why do people assume I'm lazy?? Before I had the baby I went to dinners, movies, went out shopping, week-ends away. I love being home with my baby and I never complain so what is their problem? I also take care of my mom who had a stroke and my dad who has altzheimers. I go back and forth to their house. Does anyone else encounter this?

Answer 1

Because no one respects what a stay at home mother does. I gave up a carreer in the Military to be a full time mother to my kids, and it's tougher than any deployment, field training, or hardship duty that I have ever served. As a veteran of 2 tours in the Middle East, I swear, it's easier dodging bullets than the grueling hours you spend with a newborn baby.

Since I've been on both sides of the fence, I know what you mean too. People are just rude, and like I said, no one really respects the sacrifice a mother who stays at home gives to her family. People are so materialistic now days. My husband is pressuring me to take a job I really don't want to take and it's killing me. I have a 9 month old baby girl and I don't want to leave her!!! I want to be her mother. I want to be the person she sees after she gets up from her naps. It would break my heart to know she cried for me, and I couldn't come for her. I had to leave my son for the first time when he was 3, with my mom, so I could deploy to Iraq. Those were the hardest 11 months of my life.

I know what you mean about people assuming mother's who stay at home full time being "lazy". Mothers are respected for being in charge of the home and children in other societies around the world, but not so much in industrailized nations anymore. Don't ask me why, I just notice the pattern. EVERYBODY asked me the same lame, tired question " when are you going back to work?" ooooh!! It irked me something fierce, because I'm like...hello!!! I AM AT WORK!! I pump breastmilk 7x a day, I cook, I wash, I clean, I care for my children, I help my son with his pre-kindergarten work, I mop, I sweep, I mow, I do minor home repairs...is this not WORK??

I guess unless it makes a dollar, it's not "real" work. I'd trade making $17.50 an hour ANYDAY to be home unpaid, with my kids. So, I feel you sister. Good luck with the ignorance you have, and will continue to encounter.

Answer 2

I had it happen all the time!!! I stayed home for 2 1/2 yrs. and I actually had a lady that i didn't even know say " Well gosh, isn't it about time you went back to work. He is almost 6 months old" I was in total shock!!! All I could think was. . . does she think i don't work all day at home????? I mean come on it is not like you can sit on butt all day and watch TV. There is always more that needs to be done around the house. My best advice is to ignore them. Or to respond with . .. I already am. . . I am a full time mom!

Answer 3

I say stay home if that's what you and your husband want and you can afford it. I stayed home for as long as I could (6 months) before we financially couldn't do it anymore. I am only working part-time now so it's not bad. I agree with you 100%. Tell everyone else that you are now a stay-at-home mom and wouldn't trade it for anything. You and your husband know that you are NOT being lazy...so maybe the next time someone brings it up you can say in a joking way "What...do you think I'm lazy?...I DO work all day."

Good for you for doing what you really want to do and what's best for your family!!

Answer 4

People think that us stay at home moms sit on our asss all day and eat bon bons and watch tv LOL I have 3 little boys, and I haven't worked since I was 4 months prego with my oldest. I started having probs so I stayed home and rested. Anyway, it is a lot of work taking care of kids. I was watching the TODAY show on NBC one day and they said a stay at home mom with more than 1 kid should get paid like 125,000 if we got paid. I love staying at home with my boys. There are too many stories of nannies being mean to babies. If possible and a woman wants to stay at home I think that is great. Some women have to work which I understand that too. I do think being a single mom would be much harder than a stay at home mom though.

Answer 5

You really have a lot on your plate. Anyone that tells you that you don't do much doesn't have kids to take care of, or your life. I would tell them that you are happy to stay home with the kids. You and your hubby decided that it was better for you to be there, and it's a decision that is between you two, not anyone else. IF they can't accept that fact, then it's their problem and they shouldn't push what they think on you. Just let them know in no uncertain terms that you are staying home with your kids and it's none of their business.

Answer 6

Well, to tell you the truth, you do need a job! I'm not trying to be mean, or rude, but it's true. You don't want to depend on your husband, do you?
What if you and your husband get a divorce in the future?
Where are you going to get your money from? Child support?
No offense, but that's being really selfish and whorish, taking somebody's money.
Don't you want to be independant using YOUR OWN MONEY?
It's not even about anybody else, it's about yourself.
Get a job.
____________________

In response to your message, since you disabled messaging because you're afraid of the TRUTH:

I'm ignorant? You just proved how ignorant you are with your message.
First of all, My answer was in no way rude.
I never said you or your husband were going to get a divorce. I said what IF. There are many possibilities.
Why do you have to jump to conclusions? Also, Why are you SO defensive? I never said ANYTHING mean to you, and you just randomly started defending yourself; I sense some insecurities...
Second of all, I have two jobs, and am in school. So I believe I do more work than you.
Welfare? No. If I were on welfare, I would not live in Beverly Hills.
Second of all, August is a nice name. What did you name your kid? You probably gave your child another common, stupid name. Also, August was a name before it became a month. August is a very old name. It shows how ignorant you are speaking like that. You don't even know what the hell you are talking about.
Third of all, Do you even realize how stupid you sound? "Don't be jealous because I have a husband making a lot of cash to pay my bills."
Wow...At least I can support myself and don't depend on a man.
I would never be jealous of you. I PITY you, gold digger.
Fourth of all, I am not a redneck. Get a life, and stop being defensive. I was not mean to you. I told you the TRUTH.
Get a job, and get a life.
You have no idea how stupid your message sounded.
You are one ignorant, sad, uneducated b*tch. Stop making assumptions. You don't know me, and everything you said shows your true colors. It shows what a bad person you are.

Oh, and don't you DARE insult others when you are no better yourself.

I am not a redneck hillbilly on welfare. Look at yourself. You can't even speak english or spell (referring to the message you sent me). You speak english like little teenage white boys who think they are black and "ghetto" and intentionally spell things incorrectly.
Hillbilly? Redneck? Excuse me. I live in California. Where do you live? You most likely live in the midwest or the south where the people TRULY are REDNECKS and HILLBILLIES.

Get your facts straight, and go finish high school. In case you have finished high school, which most likely you haven't according to your faulty spelling, grammar, and ignorant/ immature bevahior, then go back to the third grade. That's where your defensive, immature, whiney self belongs!

Answer 7

defiantly..and don't worry about it, most people are just jealous..and people who don't have kids, don't understand the hard work and responsibility that goes into it...just let it roll off your shoulders, sounds like you already have enough on your plate.. If it is okay with you, and okay with hubby do what ever is right for your family. I'm a stay at home mom of 3. it's just what has to be done..day care is expensive..and besides it's what is going to make your kids, wonderful loving caring adults when they grow up.

Answer 8

you are doing the right thing if you feel as though you want and need to bond with your baby and can afford it than good for you.it sounds like you have worked hard and you deserve to stay at home as long as you want to. it is no ones business but you and your husbands. besides i believe that if woman could stay home with the children this world would be different. as a matter of fact i have a 6-month old daughter and i stayed home with her until she was almost 5 months old and people always asked me the same question. they must be jealous!

Answer 9

i haven't had this happen! CONGRATULATIONS! on your new baby!

you shouldn't feel guilty about not going back to work, and some people just need to mind there own business.! as you already know...our kids are little only once, so do enjoy this! you have so much going on now, and since you can afford to stay home, then do so! your sister-in-law should be able to see how much you already do, but like i already said too...it's none of her business either!

take care!!!!

Answer 10

If you guys are finacially then who cares what anyone else says. It is great that you have the money to stay home with the kids and take care of the house. I wish i could :-)