My wife wants a baby, how do I get her mind off getting pregnant?

Question

We have been together for 5 years.

She told me about 6 months ago that she really wanted to start trying for a baby.

I told her that we can start trying to conceive next year because our house will be paid off then.

We will have $0 debt next year and I wan't to be 100% financially stable when she gets pregnant.

She agreed to wait, but I can tell she is upset.

She talks about babies a lot and I get the vibe that her feelings are hurt that we will be together for 6-7 years before she is even pregnant.

To make it worse, her friend just got pregnant by her boyfriend of a year.

What do I do to comfort her?

What can I do to get her mind off of a baby until next year?

I am going to give her a baby, its just not the right time now.

I have another 12 months before my house is paid off.

I want to pay it off first because that will free up $2400 a month to spend on a baby.

We COULD have one now, but if we pay off the mortgage first then I could repair some house stuff before the baby comes along.

Answer 1

You are a wise person to plan ahead but are you sure you want a child ? Perhaps you are unsure of that and don't know how to tell her. If you do,explain to her that your family will be financially prepared to
to better care for a child after you pay your house off . By doing so this might assure that she will not have to go to work to raise the extra funds required to raise a child. Keep reassuring her that you love her and only want the best for for her.

Make a big countdown calender to when you will be able to conceive. Do a lot of little nice things and be considerate to her along the way until she becomes pregnant.. Show her why you will be the best dad in the world once your child arrives. Good luck!

Answer 2

Okay, so you have another year on the house. So? Are you ready for children? Think about it. It's going to be at least a month before you know she's pregnant and another 9 while she is. I can totally understand where you are coming from, but are you looking at it from her point of view? It could take several months before you even get pergnant and by that time, after the house is paid off, shortly there after you will have a baby. Secondly, how old is she? He biological clock might be ticking, especially if she is over 30. Keep this in mind... it's better to get pregnant in your mid 20's to early 30's. You eggs are better maintained.
It could also be a phase she is going through. All her friends are staring to get pregnant and have babies, so natrually, she is wanting one too. As much as I can understand that you want to be financially ready for this baby, know this... Noone is ever really "prepared" for a child, neither financially nor emotionally. It's a huge job and is more expensive and time consuming than any job you'll ever have. Children are precious and wonderful, but it's the hardest job in the whole world. You 2 need to sit down and really talk about this and maybe you can come to an agreement on when to start, maybe in 3- 6 months. You need to keep her point of veiw in mind and let her tell you how she feels. It's not just your decision, it's hers too. Keep that in mind. Good luck!

Answer 3

If your house will be paid off next year, then getting pregnant this year would be fine. By the time the baby comes, you will be financially ready. There is no 'perfect' time to have a baby. You may not even conceive right away anyway. Some women take 6 months to a year to conceive while others may conceive right away. If you are not ready now, you may never be ready and will constantly put it off. Just jump in and go for it. Your wife is ready and you have been together long enough to know whether or not you can make a go of it.
My advice is not to look for a way out, just do it.

Answer 4

Well, if she's got it in her head then it's not going to be easy to "get her mind off it" per se, but try showing her things that might help her understand your point of view. Show her facts on the cost of raising a child. Diapers alone can get up to be like 7k just for the first year! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be able to provide your child with everything. Like you said, you aren't denying her a child, just asking her to wait a little but longer.

The hard part is her friend. It's so much harder when you see people around you getting what you really want...or think you want. Whether it's that they just bought the newsest car, or boat or just got engaged or married or pregnant, it starts to make us want something more too. It could work to your advantage or disadvantage, either she'll hear how hard it really is financially from her friend, or she'll hear how blissfully happy she nad her boyfriend are.

Maybe you can take her on a trip somewhere, that you aren't going to be able to go as easily with a baby, show her you're prepping for the HUGE change ahead. Maybe start planning and decorating the nursery to show her you really do intend to keep your word on doing it next year.

marriage is a compromise always, but having a child is HUGE and the two of you will be much better parents if you're BOTH ready.

Answer 5

Your head is in the right place, but when it comes to a woman and what she wants her "heart" is in control. You definitely need to talk to her more about this. Maybe she feels that you don't really want a baby, and the reason you gave her is just to buy time. I'm sure its not but maybe she needs to know that.

Any time she brings up having a baby join in the conversation. Let her and others no that you can't wait too. (You just have a plan). Talk about things like which room will be the baby's or the best place to buy toys. And include the idea of how prepared you two will be. The money will be no question and your baby will be the main force. That's exciting...

It may still take her sometime, but if she sees your heart is in it, it will help her to understand. Just remember don't avoid the topic, but involved. Good luck, and God Bless.

Answer 6

You need to consider her delema. When women feel they need a baby you will not change her mind. If you really make good money and consider yourself to be 100% financially stable and out of debt next year, why are you waiting? The baby will not be here until next year even if you got pregnant right away. It usually takes a little trying, its not as easy as people think to get pregnant. As long as you have insurance, a baby wont cost you much for the first year or so anyway. If you are that well off now, you will be fine. But be carefull. When women need a baby, it is much more than just a simple want. Our hormones make us feel like we need a baby to go on living. If you dont accomodate her needs, you dont know that she wont get it anyway. Baby's are more important than anything else when your hormones say so. If she wants it that badly, she will get it.

Answer 7

Hun, it's NEVER the right time for a baby. It's pretty phenomenal that you'll have your house paid off by next year. Most couples are still in an APARTMENT with their first kid, and don't completely own their house free and clear for decades after.

Maybe talk with her, and come to a compromise, instead of forcing what YOU want on her. Couples have to meet each other in the middle, you can't have your way all the time. She could start being deceitful, like not taking her birth control, or something else, depending on what method you guys use.

Answer 8

I am going to be completely honest with you, there is probably nothing that you can do to get her mind off of it. Once a woman gets something like that in her mind, that is all she is going to think about and want until it happens. If your house will be paid off next year, why not start trying now, and by the time the baby comes you will be secure. I appreciate your desire to be stable, but sometimes you just have to go for it.

Answer 9

Stick to your guns on this. The best thing to do is just remind her how much you love her and you want to make sure that you are financially secure enough that the only thing you'll need to worry about is your child's welfare. Her friend who got pregnant was being irrresponsible; you are not. She may be hearing that biological clock ticking, but another few months won't hurt anyone. Take her out to look at baby furniture, and coo at how cute the stuff is right along with her. This way, you validate her feelings about wanting to be a parent, and you align yourself on her side, instead of in opposition.
My hubby and I waited until we were married for 5 yrs, and I'm glad we did...

Answer 10

did some calculating- assuming you told her recently that "next year" will be the right time... that puts it next July, to be fair,[11 mos]
plus the 6 months she has already been waiting
plus the time to get a dr.s appointment to do a pre conceive[1 mo.] check up
plus the time it will take for her to conceive...[1-3 mos]
plus the being pregnant time[9 mos]
Looks like you wont be bringing a baby home for probably 29 months or so...
hope you like an unhappy woman for 2 years plus.
But hey you will be happy. and thats all that counts- right????
What is the difference if she is tries to get pregnant now and the baby comes in a year... the HOUSE IS STILL PAID IN THE SAME YEAR!?