I'm a 22 year old single mom who recently met a 19 year old guy. He's nice, funny, caring, and sweet, and can hold a job. The problem is that he has a girlfriend. He constantly tells me that he would rather be with me, but doesn't want to hurt her in the process. He also says his parents wouldn't approve of him being with a 22 year old, much less one with a toddler. We spend time together, kiss and cuddle, etc. He recently told me he wants to have sex. I'm really not sure what to do. I really like him, but I'm afraid that having sex will cause me to become more attached than I already feel. I also know that I'm beginning to feel guilty because he has a girlfriend. I guess in some crazy way I'm hoping he will leave her for me. What should I do??
2006-08-14 05:41:38 · 29 answers · asked by Chantal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i would suggest getting out of the relationship until he decides what he wants to do. if he thinks he can have you and her he will probably go ahead which is not thinking very clear on his part.
if he decides he wants you, then i would suggest still giving it about 2-3 months b4 you get anymore involved than just dating and cuddling. you have your heart to look our for you know.
if he can't find a way to end the other relationship, then you are most defiantly ahead of the game since you didn't allow the relationship to go further than it already has and you can then allow yourself to open up and find someone who is available, emotionally, and unattached.
lifting you on eagles wings,
lily
2006-08-14 05:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex will only confuse the issue even more than it already is. He is a guy so of course he wants to have sex with you. Didn't you figure that out when you had the baby? He is NOT going to leave his girlfriend for you and has told you already that his family would not accept you and your child. He apparently cares very much about what his family thinks and what the girlfriend's feelings are. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but you are a sidekick for this guy. He might be a wonderful person and I know he makes you feel good and takes away some of the loneliness but you need to back off and tell him he needs to stay with his girlfriend. For most women, sex does require an emotional attachment and we often confuse that with thinking the guy cares about us. It does not bond you to him in his eyes. It is just a sex act, a need that he wants fulfilled. Nothing more. Honey, you need more than he can offer you. Send him back to his girlfriend that his family approves of. I wish the best. Sincerely, Gail
2006-08-14 12:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by aftermidnite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop right now. Do NOT have sex with him. He is playing you. Think about what you just wrote. He doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend, so he won't break up with her, but he would like to have sex with you behind his girlfriend's back.
This is not a quality guy. Even if he leaves this girl for you, you will never be sure that he won't leave you for the next one. You and your child deserve much better.
And you're right. If you have sex with him, you will feel more connected to him. It is a biological fact. The same bonding agent that is released when a woman nurses her baby is released during sex. Having sex with him will make it harder for you to walk away, and it puts you at risk for having another baby.
Think of yourself and your life and then think of your child and the life he or she deserves. And be PICKY. Go looking for a great and wonderful grown man who will love you and your child.
And no, you're not crazy--just very human. He's giving you flattering attention that every woman longs for. Know that he knows that too--and he's playing it. Hold out for the real thing. It's worth waiting for.
Best Wishes.
2006-08-14 12:55:59 · answer #3 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what u should do is stop entertaining this young man.. do u have low standards for urself? if not then why would u wanna be 2nd, the side chick with this guy.. he has a gf and u need to respect that and find ur own man.. just cause he doesn't respect her and their relationship that doesn't mean that u can't be a real woman and respect it and urself..
let him know that u will not have sex w/him.. he'll be just using u and i think u know that already.. he just told u his family wouldn't approve.. i think he's lying..it's him that wouldn't approve that's why he's giving u a reason like oh i don't want to hurt her so i gotta stay but i rather be w/u..
if he wanted to be w/u then he'd leave his present gf.. guys always say stuff like that to get some and u should know that by now, for goodness sake ur 22/a child already.. u should want more for urself and ur child..
give him an ultimatum and let him know that u can't continue to have a side relationship w/him knowing that he has a gf already.. and see who he chooses then.. if he chooses u then u need to verify that he left his gf and u need to watch ur back cause what goes around comes around.. he'll be cheating on u next..
the gf of his has a right to know whats going on... u wrong and so is he...
2006-08-14 12:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest if he is 19 what his parents think shouldn't really matter all that much he is an adult and can make is own decisions as far as the rest of the situation there really isn't a way for him to get out of the relationship he is in without hurting his girl friend on one way or the other so if hes going to do it he needs to just do it and get it over with leading a double life is not the answer and will only hurt her more in the long run when she finds out and trust me something will happen and she will find out as far as having sex i would advise against that because it will only complicate things even more than they are now it will further the bond and feelings you are already feeling
2006-08-14 13:13:52 · answer #5 · answered by lonly_male4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yall both young and you only have him by a couple of years which makes no difference....i understand that you have a baby as well....what i would like to know is ...do you two have goals or plan for the future...with or without each other or r you two just want to live in the moment....if your feeling for this guy and he's feeling you and you two want to live in the moment i say go ahead.... but if you two have plans for the future.. things that you 2 do b/c of the feelings ya'll two are having might complicate things..(meaning your child) and (his g/f)....i also want to state that ...i personally don't think he's playing you b/c he's seems confused an inexperienced in this situation so i wouldn't call him a cheater (persay) i think that he cares for you and his girl at the same time. and being 19 confusing him. not to mention he care what his parents think or anybody would think for that matter
2006-08-14 13:10:25 · answer #6 · answered by emotional misstres 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One person you didn't mention was your child. Would he be a good father? Right now this small individual is counting on you to make good choices so he/she can have a normal healthy life. It seems like he is willing to cheat and once a cheater always a cheater. How would you feel if you were the girlfriend? Or would you want your toddler in this situation when he/she grows up? I think you need to take a step back and evaluate what love is to you in your situation.
2006-08-14 12:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by Mark S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he has already told you that he isn't going to leave her, and that his parents wouldn't approve, no matter how far things go with you 2 physically, he has pretty much stated where he is staying. having sex will defiantly cause you to be more attached , cuz that's how we girls work...but, it wont necessarily make him feel closer. all guys would obviously like to take things further if they are allowed....do you wonder if his g/f knows about you, and how she would feel knowing hes cheating on her? and if he did leave her to be with you...once a cheater, always a cheater? wouldn't you have to wonder if he will end up playing you the same way? and with a child in the mix, don't let your little one get attached to people without knowing if they are the real deal.
2006-08-14 12:52:18 · answer #8 · answered by hotmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should first solve his present relation before you should have sex with him. If he really cares about you he should have the guts to get clean first.
If that is done and you two are together, a 3 year age difference should not matter, as long as you are both sure this is what you want.
If it doesn't work out or it's an emergency, you can always call me :)
2006-08-14 12:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by Vage Centurian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you now, I'm a boy, so I perfectly understand the situation. I belive it's imposible to love someone and have sex with someone else or to love someone that you have sex with and keep beeing with someone alse.
I think as a human you have the right to have a place in other's life. so I recomond you stop beeing an alternative and find your own place. and you are right , if you keep going this feeling od beeing guilty won't leave you.
I think what you need is the same thing which I didn't have, and it's the courage of makeing a dicision and doing it. belive yourself
2006-08-14 14:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by Mehdi ((sade del)) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋