2006-08-14 04:52:33 · 15 answers · asked by Lovely L 2 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
She is addicted to him.
Like with all addictions, she needs to say, "I have a problem" and she needs to choose to leave.
In many ways, you probably feel like you're watching a "Vampire Movie" ... he's charming, and seducing her while you're in the audience screaming "Run" ... but he's got her in a trance and she does anything he wants. Men get this control by lowering her "Self-esteem" with words and hitting. The more the man abuses her verbally and physically, the more she is trapped by this trance.
As a friend, it is good to keep yelling run ... but you also need to find ways to counter the abuse by pumping her self-esteem. If she's in a situation where 24/7 she's being brainwashed that she's helpless, then you need to remind her that she's strong. When you're with her make her count her straight, and together research way's out ... it may not happen instantly like you hope, but find your patience and keep letting her know that she's strong .
Don't let her push you away. Don't let him push you away. Really, he might catch on and the best thing you can do is play dumb, and ACT submissive and support him on the surface (be nice). When your friend pushes you away, stop pushing so hard, and pull back. Give her time to recover, and start over again.
2006-08-14 05:08:00 · answer #1 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes women are "victims" and don't even realize it in this type of situation.
My sister was like that and put up with a guy abusing her for ten years! She finally got the strength to ask for help and be relocated to another town away from him!
There are agencies out there for this type of thing. You go and get the info and let her look at it so she can realize what she is into. If she is willing to get help then contact these people. If she stays in the situation, then there is not much you can do. But do try to find an agency and see what happens with that. At least you will have done you part.
She should be thankful that you are a caring friend!
Good luck!
2006-08-14 05:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by December Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things you can do is talk to her and report her boyfriend to the police, right now. You must act now before anything serious happends to her. It is best to remain honest and calm when telling her why you are doing this. Inform her that abusive reltionships are 'controlling relationship' and will affect who she is and what she is capable of. Make her realize that she does not deserve this kind of treatment from any guy. She also needs to come to an understanding that if someone truly loves her, they would never hurt her physically or emotionally. Let her know how much you care and love her, constantly give her hugs and let her know that you will always be there for her. She will come around when she realizes that you are a very good friend.
2006-08-14 05:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by Luvlee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her - only she can make the decision to leave. You CAN obtain literature for her to read about abuse and try to make her realize what he really is and give her the strength to know she CAN leave. If you call the cops on him or interfere in the relationship - she'll pick him over you and you won't have a chance to help her. Good luck...
2006-08-14 05:33:46 · answer #4 · answered by 34th B.G. - USAAF 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not going to happen until she decides she's had enough. No matter what you say to her you will end up the bad guy in the whole thing until she's ready. Until then just stand by her and when it happens and she comes to you one more time keep asking her if she wants help yet and listen to her let her lean on you maybe she'll get a clue and decide to leave. Good Luck
2006-08-14 05:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant help her to escape him if she doesnt want to leave. My sister is currently in a terribly abusive relationship where her boyfriend broke her nose after going to have her nose fixed she went right back to being with him. The point Iam trying to make is if they are too afraid to leave or just dont want to leave yet there is nothing that you can do.
2006-08-14 05:01:08 · answer #6 · answered by raechelblueeyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but u can't. I was in an abusive marriage and it took me awhile to get out. There are always so many"i"m sorry" and "it wont happen again". Support her and always be there for her. She has listened to your advice I'm sure, but she will only be able to leave when she is ready.
2006-08-14 05:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by confused/hurt/angry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact that she still stayed on with him despite his abusive nature showed that she is either very afraid of him to ditch him or she truely loved him and is blinded by love.
Dig out from the newspapers about abusive husbands and how these wives ended up ...broken and divorced ..ask her does she want to end up that way as well.
If she is afraid of her bf, get all the friends support behind her ...united is strength.
2006-08-14 05:35:10 · answer #8 · answered by Phantom of the Opera 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may well not be able to. But talk to her about why she chooses to stay. Remind her that someone who cared about her, wouldn't harm her...no matter what he says.
Bottom line though, it's up to her. Women who stay in abusive relationships tend to have low self esteem and self worth...help your friend to find hers, so she may also find the strength and determination to have something better in life.
2006-08-14 04:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow that might be tough especially if she is in love with this person. you can't decide for her, she has to do that for herself so what i'll say is that you should try your very best to persuade her to do the right thing which is to leave him. sometimes as friends we have to wait for our dearest friends to realize certain facts before they'll come to grips with what we've been saying for awhile. all the best and i hope you friend will be fine.
2006-08-14 05:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anna Banana 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋