I've been living with my boyfriend for two years now. He just recently turned 25. He has constant anger issues. When he has them he is a outright ***, when he doesn't have them hes a gentlemen. It's one or the other.
It's come to the point where I feel threatned by them. It used to occur when he drank, but now it occurs normally which scares me alot. Here are some examples
Worst: He drives 90 with me in the car passing and cutting off other ppl and honking at them. I cant say anything cuz im scared.
Bad: He comes home upset and I know if I do say anything he will go off. Sometimes, he is upset around my family and I have to agree with him or I am worried they may find out how he really is.
Not so Bad: He gets upset during video games like a child would.
As you can see it's a constant thing. We don't have any money, we can afford theraphy. I love him alot and do realize how bad it is. What can we do to help this out? Will books help?
What have you experienced w/this?
2006-08-14 04:38:09 · 18 answers · asked by Poestalker 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like I said earlier maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship! You should get out of there before he hurts you. Find a guy that will be loving and gentle to you. You deserve at least that much
2006-08-14 04:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I was in a bad relationship and I hid it from my parents. They found out when my mom spotted the bruises. Even then I didn't want to leave, it took some good friends to help me out. My mom said two things that struck a cord with me. "you have not been acting like yourself, for some reason he has lowered your self esteem" and "when you have to hid something then you know that it is wrong". She was right. I hid everything about him from my parents. He escalated into strangling me, and then I had to get a PO against him. It was a horrible time in my life. I was such a strong person, traveled on my own everything, only to go back to him! Luckily I met an amazing man that won't even raise his voice with me! But the month that I got married the jerk still wouldn't leave me alone so I did have to go to court for a PO. Just get out now. Move back home, your parents will understand and be glad you are getting out of it. I grantee that they can tell something is going on that you are not telling them. Even though you love him, you will never be able to change him. I thought the same thing with my ex, well maybe if I change him. Men don't change. Trust me, I married an amazing one, and no matter how many times I ask him to do a simple thing he won't. Because they NEVER change. So go and find someone who is already what you want, NOT A PROJECT YOU NEED TO FIX.
2006-08-14 04:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you love someone when you have to fear for your safety??? You need to get away from this man. And when you try to leave, you may incite some real anger. So when he's not around, pack up & go. Have a friend to help you, so you can get it done in due time.
I don't understand your family allowing him to treat you this way, even if you don't have sense enough yourself to see what's happening. It's only a matter of time before you become his target, the recipient of his anger.
His behavior is past book reading, There should be free agencies in your town where he can get help.
You need counselling, too. There's a reason why you're willing to be treated like this.
2006-08-14 04:50:45 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might be bi-polar... there are treatment and counseling available in your community for free.. contact your local hospital or mental health facility... but the big questions is does he think he has anger issues.. if he doesn't then trying to get help will not do any good... he has to acknowledge he has a problem and want help otherwise this is going to progress to the point where the anger will turn physical... be wary and be careful...if he doesn't want to get help get out before it is to late..
2006-08-14 04:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be completely honest this will never change regardless if you go to therapy or read a Dr. Phil book. If you can figure out the source of his anger without upsetting him then you may be able to find out what is going on in his head. Get out now while you can.
2006-08-14 06:37:58 · answer #5 · answered by tamiller0816 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this is really hard. When he is in a good calm mood. Sit him down and talk to him. tell him how hes scaring you. And also, tell him how much you love him and dont wanna lose him due to this, which can be solved if he is prepared to put in an effort. Failing that, secretly video him when he gets aggressive and show it to him when hes in a good mood and tell him that he seriously needs to do something about this. Tell him that you cant cope with this anymore and leave the decision to him.... is he gonna change or is this relationship ending for good?
Darling it might be hard but sometimes you just have to do the unthinkable good luck xxx
2006-08-14 04:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my step son and his wife go through this very thing every so often...it was worse just a few months ago....just like your situation---he would fly off the handle over every little detail...and check up on her all day long on his cell contantly. As of now , with help from a counselor--they have gotten better and the blowups are getting less...he does a much better job at dealing with his anger now...and she has also learned to let him go off somewhere to blow of some steeam , to his friends or mother..whatever helps...it helped to make it easier on the rest of the family members too.
2006-08-14 05:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by qckdrw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out NOW. This guy sounds like a timebomb ready to explode as well as very immature for his age.
He is isolating you so you have no resources and then he thinks he can do whatever he wants and there'll be no one to help you.
Someone who TRULY loves you does not act this way.
Therapy can be done through churches or you can make arrangements with therapists to pay over time. He needs anger management therapy now and you need to leave as fast as possible.
Go to a woman's shelter or a woman's resource centre and they'll help you.
2006-08-14 04:47:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's immature and has trouble dealing with reality, honey. You and your bf can go to a social worker/therapist at a county facility for free and he can get the help he needs. However, I can tell you it probably won't get any better for you. It will escalate into physical violence if you're not careful. Why do you want to live your life tip-toeing around his anger problems. Tell him up front he can learn to control himself, or you're gone. Then GO before he harms you.
2006-08-14 04:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter if he's a gentleman some of the time. You are in a dangerous, abusive relationship, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. You may love him, but if you love yourself, you would get out. You can't change him. You're too good for him, and don't deserve this abuse.
2006-08-14 04:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋