Here is the deal. My husband has a son (10 years old) and I have a son too (17 years old).Our 6 aniverssary was on friday, the same weekend he has to return his son to his ex(his son was with us for two month). We deside to go that weekend to epcot, for celebrate our anniverssary and to be with the kids. Well, when we where there my husband decide that he wants to sleep with his son (we have 3 beds!). I wasn't especting to have sex, but I felt very bad for this desition. And then in the park, he was all the time with his son, sitting with him in the restaurant, and letting me with my son, this felt wrong to me. I was especting to have fun, but I felt I was put aside. For the six years we have together he does this every time his son is around. Im I wrong to feel this way?
2006-08-14 04:36:13 · 18 answers · asked by None 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suppose he misses his son, honey, and he's trying to make up for the time lost and make sure his boy knows his Dad loves him. I probably would feel the same way you do. I have grown step-children and when they come over to see their Dad (especially his daughter) I visit with them together for about 1/2 hour and then I excuse myself, or go shopping so they can have quality time together without me. I'm not her mother and they have memories to share that don't involve me. I think you guys need to reach a compromise....tell him how left out you feel and also that you want him to engage in quality time with his son without excluding you the whole time. Afterall, he is a child and he should be able to accept his Dad's marriage to another woman. You're all going to have to have "share" time and "separate" time. I don't think the Epcot thing was the right time for your hubby to exclude you and your son. And he's sending a message to the boy that he is more important than you are when he wants to sleep with him. Dad needs to loosen up. Good Luck.
2006-08-14 04:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids in the mix make for a tricky situation. When your child was younger you would have put him first. Sounds like even though he had 2 months with his son, he wanted a big send off.
Men aren't always the most romantic of creatures. Instead a feeling disappointed which i gather your man felt the vibes all day. You should have joined in the fun. Or hid your impatiences. I understand how you feel. Some men feel that you as a couple will always be there, oblivious to their surroundings and are not the multitaskers we are. One track, one focus.
You are absolutely entitled to your feelings. I validate that, that was suppose to be a special time for you as well. Some men don't understand how healthy it is for them to be seen in a happy relationship with someone else. There could have been stolen moments during your day out.
Next year plan ahead. Bring a sitter for one evening, etc
2006-08-14 11:49:01 · answer #2 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to feel that way, not at all. You wanted to have a lovely time, with him and the kids. Maybe he wants his son to feel loved, and important. Since he doesnt live with him on a full time basis. My sisters husband does the same thing, and she felt the same as you in the beginning of their marriage. Then she realized that he was just trying to express his love for his children, and hopefully they not feel left out, since they didnt live with him. I would sit down with him, and tell him how it made you feel, and that you should be included when the son is there.
Best Wishes
2006-08-14 11:48:16 · answer #3 · answered by bayouktty6969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you wrong? Is your husband wrong? Answer yes and no.
You both need to talk and let your feelings be known. You also need to see his side of it. Put yourself in his shoes if you only had your son for a short time would you try to spend as much time with him as possible.
Now for this sleeping in a different be. That is Bull S---! if he did that. He has a issue here. He should be sleeping with his wife not his son.
Talk and listen and make sure your point is heard. Make sure you hear his to.
2006-08-14 12:04:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel but it sounds like your husband is a really devoted father. Be glad for that. If he only has his son for a short period of time during the year than it's completely understandable that he wants to take advantage of that time. You guys will have all the rest of the year to be together. Just feel lucky that he's a great dad.
2006-08-14 11:45:42 · answer #5 · answered by orionsgirl76 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong at all to feel this way but what you need to do is talk to your husband about it. It sounds like he feels guilty and wants to spend every last moment with him that he can. It's hard to send your child back home, you want to hold onto every last mment you have. Talk to your husband and explain to him that he should pay attention to everyone at the same time and let him know that he isn't the only one that will miss him and that you want him to be able to share and give attention all the same.
2006-08-14 11:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by babe112083 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong at all. I would probably feel the same way. Your husband is just trying to make up for lost time. He feels bad that his son can't be with him all the time, and spends as much time as he can with him when he is with him. It stinks that he did this on your anniversary, but can you blame him? Sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll make it up to you.
2006-08-14 11:51:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its wrong to feel this way. I think Id have felt the same way. I think maybe he feels guilty for not being with his son full time. However, its not fair that he can't share his time and attention with you when the child is around. There seems to be bigger issues there. I think its something that needs to be addressed. Be patient with your husband, but do address the issue.
2006-08-14 11:44:39 · answer #8 · answered by shugabam! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's natural to feel the way you do...it takes away from understandable expectations one may have...his son being 10 yrs old I can understand such behavior to a certain extent...this should lesson as he grows older and more mature...I'd say after 12 yrs his son will naturally want more freedom to be and do things on his own...and that will increase your time and attention to your own relationship.
2006-08-14 11:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has very little time with his son and tries to make the most of the time that he does have. It is sad that this happened on the weekend of your anniversary. I think you should let it go, but ask him to plan something special for the two of you to do to celebrate your anniversary.
2006-08-14 11:42:52 · answer #10 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋